We dated for 7 years. I knew each and everything of him and he knew the same, at least that is what he thought. Because with my one yes, his eyes shined and that was enough for me. The initial years of dating life were all a honeymoon period in la la land.
After the fourth year, the disparity raised, and disagreements and disputes continued. To, the ones, then I said yes became unbearable to agree with it anymore. But still, we were together because more than love we had become each other's habitat, comfort, warmth, and habit.
After I returned from the clinic, I felt something was fishy and something was going to be big. My friends were never calm and they gave me a hint.
Sure, it was going to be big because for the first time he was going to propose and ask me, 'Will you marry me?".
But I don't know why with all these vibes, I did not feel excited! I felt nervous and nauseous. I wanted to run away. Suddenly, I wanted to set back to the time when we were strangers. These thoughts made me faint and feel dirty about myself. My brain felt selfish to think these thoughts loudly.
I forced myself to remember all the beautiful moments I spent with him. But my stupid brain wrecked my heart and made me remember all the bad memories. The memories which I wished to be gone!
Within this turmoil, I saw him coming to me with a broad smile. A tear rolled down my face and making me feel miserable inside. As he walked up to me he spread his arms to hug me.
As he hugged me, I felt goosebumps down my neck to my arm, leaving me feeling horrible about myself. He then slowly whispered to my ears," It's late, let's sleep." As he said he kissed my forehead. Again, a tear rolled down my face and he carried me to the bed.
As he tucked me into bed, I saw his warm smile, through my blurred watery eyes. I saw him in scrubs.
I asked, "Where are you going?"
He replied, "Where would I go at this time? Emergency patients are waiting and I am on call. So, see you tomorrow morning and be ready by 8 you have something big coming tomorrow".
As he said he walked away. He closed the door and the tears rolled as if something inside me broke.
I felt miserable and unable to think straight. Because I knew I would not be able to handle this marriage and my rejection will make him miserable.
Maybe, he may even think that I was cheating on him and maybe that is why I do not want to marry him. But still, that would be better than living with each other and resenting one another to stay together.
After an hour of void feelings as I stared at the window, I noticed a small note stuck on it.
It said,
"I know what you are going through. Maybe tomorrow you will say No to me. But, please at least let me fulfill one wish before you leave. At least let me try, and let me propose to you properly. I know I am not the one you wish for, but I can become one. Though forgive me this night and please sleep tight. You know how much I hate seeing you cry, right?
If you have read this note, means you are still awake. Please, my little girl, go to sleep. Before you open your eyes, I will be on my knees."
I held the note and read it thrice. As I read it all the bad memories started to fade away.
I wondered, " Will I be doing it right? Will I be happy if I say yes tomorrow? Will we be happy together? Not only tomorrow but forever?"
As I thought, I clenched the note hard, it crumbled just like my heart. A part of me was nervous and a part of me was happy. As these thoughts were pouring down my brain, my eyes shut and I went into a deep slumber as if I was running away into a deep forest of memories. The memories from where it all had started.