Hanma_Jack

I really enjoyed reading, wish there were more chapters. The stories I have recently been reading haven't had the best writing so this was a breath of fresh air.

It was a nice read, even considering the info dumps at the start and grammatical errors here and there, until the stupid deal with orochimaru.

It’s good, please don’t drop. 




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I don't really like long explanations so I'll keep this short. The story is good, the character relationships is good though a bit forced, and the writing is also good almost with no errors. My problem is the way the story is going, sure the scenes are properly given explanations and informations but it has TOO much information, the story progression is too fast and the chapter is mostly details in a short scene and that makes it hard to focus on the story

Sometimes I feel like I'm reading the Naruto Wiki and not fanfiction, the information dump ruins the story so much. In a chapter, only 10% is worth reading, the remaining 90% is information that everyone already knows except those who haven't seen Naruto.

I'm still going to put 5/5 because the story is really good and I don't want to discourage the author, I just want to make him understand that he has to change his way of writing.

I like the story it just needs more chapters . Hope it gets finished . 

,.............,....

Love the story.
I really wish you would stop with the random dumps on info in the middle of fights.
’Neji’ goes of on a tangent talking about things that people already know, 
an example of this being a complete recap of what the Rasengan is in the middle of the fight. 

It's an entertaining fanfic but I don't like the constant exposition that keeps happening throughout the novel. There are some minor problems with the story as well but overall it's entertaining. At least it doesn't make me feel like I wasted my time reading it. Also apparently author has some sort of superiority complex about himself/herself, that they don't even accept minor criticisms and just write them off as me being low IQ.

Oh well, I will see how this story goes in the future. If only to read what the author will do with Tenseigan.

The story is good, but for me author made questionable choises (mainly reverse plot protection) for the story progression.
This novel is also a naruto-verse Wikipedia so prepare to skip half of the content.
Also, everyone already watched naruto, so I don't understand why the author rewrites things that we already know will happen. Instead of 3 chapters 1 sentence would've been enough...

great story, fresh take on a character that gets sidelined at best, bashed at worst. as you may gather, the story is about a SI into Neji, and while that sounds like the typical power fantasy, the author pulls it off surprisingly well.
 instead of the usual going around and being an edgy murderhobo, this time, the main character is constructed in such a way you can really emphatice and understand his motivations and struggles. 
There isn't enough content to get to the power ups Self inserts usually get, as of the writing of this review, but it was hinted at Neji planning of getting Tenseigan. The way he develops his Byakugan is also well written and explained. 
one caveat I have in this story, is that author spends way too much vacing about thing we already know. Such as Chunin exams, danzos role in regards to hokage, Genin-Chunin-Jonin meaning, and many other thing. I would understand the need to describe them down to miniscule detail, if author changed those things to be different from canon, but sadly that not so. There's no need to spend third of every second chapter describing the way villages agreed about Chunin exams, because most readers will have prior experience with Naruto canon AND fanon.

I'm reading it on Scribblehub. 

Although I don't quite like how cold he is and that he doesn't really get to know anyone or open up to anyone, the story is well written.

I do wonder, and would like to know, who he intends to end up with. So far he's just using people, he doesn't seem to feel anything for them.

Oh and if he wants to end the main branch, does that mean he wants to kill Hinata and Hanabi? Because they're just innocent honestly...

Overall well written, but it leave a few questionable holes that I personally don't like..

#spoiler


one of the best fanfiction i have read the only i don't like right now is that he doesn't want to kill hinata along with rest of the main branch . i mean if he really wants  end main branch then he should kill hinata as well so that no one knows how to activate curse mark and it stops being a threat to him as he still have curse mark on him and he can't keep his tenseigan open 24*7 and hinata can probably tell konoha how to activate curse mark or something and neji will have to keep watch.

Absolute banger of a story very well written and the author knowas what he's doing!

I just finished reading the latest chapter uploaded and to be honest this story is great(until now) and I like the whole idea of the mc taking over neji's body we don't see many fanfictions about the hyuga clan and even in the anime and Manga they get overlooked because the author focuses to much on the Uchiha and their sharingan and I personally like the byakugan more I thought more than once what will happen if you have a taijutsu specialist(+ eight gates) with byakugan (+ gentle fist )mixed together and this is what this author did.

- mc is smart
- hates the main clan because of the bird cage seal(curse) basically its slavery against the branch clan members
- he does some Human Experiments in the latest chapter so he's evil
- the chapters are long

the only thing that is bothering me is the harem tag until now there wasn't  any harem or romance until the latest chapter but there's some hints that tenten loves him but really the story in my opinion don't need any romance I really hope the author doesn't turn this into another harem trash and hopefully the plot don't become all focused on romance.

[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]

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well












top tier quality seems you are reading an actual real book so props to the author 

you can notice and feel the effort and time out in to this

like right now this story is better than most non fanfic and fanfic stories here on this whole app, in terms of quality on the top 5

Too much useless info dump also illogical character introduction that makes no sense, if itachi killed random uchiha (who luckily survived due to mc intervention) with Mangekyou sharingan then he'll have collected them in cannon. Here author randomly gave mc a MS level powerhouse sidekick without any logic or reason.

I am very impressed by how fleshed-out everything is, keep going author!!!!

And I would love to suggest a plot point on your story!! I would love it if Neji gets an interinteraction with Isshiki Otsutsuki!!!! Now that would be aan interesting one!!

A fanfic gem gone under the radar…

Writing Quality: Really quite good though I don’t much enjoy all the exposition. Me recommendation is bear through chaoters 1-3 to reach the sweetness of this fanfic. 4.1 stars. 

Update stability: 3-4 chaps of 3000 words. Really good. 4.9 stars. 

Story development: standout feature. Author doesn’t exaggerate the slave-status but also makes it a great motivation for MC. 4.8 stars

Character Design: I enjoy Neji’s coldness especially since what happened in the recent chapters wouldve made it worse had he not been cold. I can see how this will become a harem (few hints here and there). 4.6 stars

World background: Well… the exposition I dont quite enjoy truly makes the world feel more logical and maybe even alive. This story can be read and understood by non-naruto watchers. 4.5 stars.

My advice to author based on A/Ns: add ’Naruto: Breaking of Fate’, and change the cover to a hot Tsunade or something. also, while I personally enjoy longer chaps less frequently, that doesn’t favour power stones. You need a chap each day to be given the votes for that day… so maybe consider shorter chaps more frequent updates. 

The Breaking of Fate [High Quality]