"So this is how it all ends?" I blurted out in disbelief as I was sunk in thought . This wasn't how I expected it to play out but alas I ended up in my own misfortune .
I had always blamed my parents for me ending up this way, I felt they were the genesis of my whole ordeal . When my parents decided to get divorced, after months of never ending arguments and bickering at each other , it was as if my whole world crumbled ,like my life came to an halt . That was when things started to fall apart for me .
My parents were never like that ,they were once the perfect couple you could ever imagine ,the ones you see in your fantasy novels. Up until now, I still can't wrap my heads around what went wrong ,they suddenly became sworn enemies and were always at logger heads . They never cared if I was in any way affected by always seeing them that way ,I had always resented them for that seeing how I ended up .
Brenda was the whole devil all along , she deceived me and is the sole reason I'm a mess right now . She hid her devilish self behind her innocent look and tender smiles,pretending to always be on the look out for me . I really trusted that sly fox , I curse the day I met her .
Steve, he was my first love ,I trusted him the most. He toyed with me , and made me believed he loved me. I never doubted his intentions towards me, I had myself believing everything we shared was genuine .
I blamed everyone I trusted. My parents , Brenda , and my first love Steve , were the architect of all these , I vowed never to forgive them.
I was a bright child,full of vigour, how I ended up like this ,at this place,in a rehabilitation center still remains like a dream. It sure has been a tough and long journey this past year after gaining admission into college at age 18 and having to deal with the news of my parents divorce even though I expected it all along as they were always at each other's neck ,while struggling with my academics.
I started my counseling journey with Mrs Smith at the rehab , we met up once in a week,on Saturdays, to talk about personal things of which I never opened up to her about and how I could be a changed person after leaving the rehabilitation center.
I have always been a good child , if only there was enough guidance from my parents, or if I had probably met Mrs Smith earlier on , before ending up here, I definitely won't be in here I thought to myself. It was hard opening up to Mrs Smith at first as it felt like I was opening up to a total stranger and she made sure she didn't rush me into opening up to her .
" I had a daughter your age, she was similar to you in almost every aspect,she looks strong and defensive on the outside but actually isn't, she's rather very soft and gets scared easily. Whenever I see you,I'm remind of her , although she's dead. I've always regretted not being there for her and letting her end up that way, I've always believed it is my fault and I never stopped blaming myself to bed every night.
She was being bullied, I never noticed it because I wasn't paying much attention to her as I was to my job. I counseled a lot of people to make them feel better and help in sharing their burden, but I never knew my daughter needed help more than anyone else .The person who needed help the most was right under my nose ,It was so devastating for me finding out I could've prevented losing my only child to the claws of death but I was never there for her .It was tough on me for few years but I decided to help young girls who were similar to her . Though your reason for being here might not be the same as my daughter but I really want to help you. I hope on our next meeting you'd open up to me Olivia." Mrs Smith said to me during one of our meetings. This made me really think hard, I felt bad for Mrs Smith.
After pondering a lot on whether to open up or not throughout the week, I decided to give it a try and tell Mrs Smith all that happened.
It is Saturday already, it felt like it'd take forever , this is the first time I've ever looked forward to Mrs Smith coming over to the rehabilitation center. Whenever it was counseling time with Mrs Smith on Saturdays ,I've always felt reluctant going to the hall to meet her and hardly uttered a word whenever we were together .
"Mrs Smith would be coming to the rehabilitation center today and I would get to tell her all what I've kept bottled up inside of me ever since I got in here",I thought within myself while letting out a big smile.
"Olivia your personal counselor is here, come to the hall" ,the correctional officer said in a loud voice from outside the room . " On my way", I responded . I stood up as fast as I could and made swiftly for the hall, the hall was almost acroos my room so it didn't take minutes to get there .
"You came earlier than usual, you normally would take about twenty minutes before getting here and have me wait " , Mrs Smith said while putting out a big smile .
"I made up my mind Mrs Smith,to tell you my story, though I'm not sure we would get to end today." I said while giving a soft chuckle.
" Thank you Olivia." Mrs Smith said to me while placing her hands on my shoulders and giving me a warm hug thereafter. I was anxious before meeting with her as I had become worse with having conversations ever since I got in here but I felt a surge of comfort after seeing how happy and eager she was to hear me out ,I believed I could do a good job today .
"Thank you olivia, for deciding to open up. I'm sure it must've been a tough decision, but I'm certain I'd be of help in every possible way I can and I'd make sure to listen with an open heart" Mrs Smith said. We soon made for the sits that were available for the counseling period inside the hall and sat across each other .