Evita's pov
Images of everything that has happened for the past few weeks flashed through my brain as I lay down on my queen sized bed. Others might call it reminiscing, but I see it as experiencing those memories again. Re-living those happy memories, as well as the painful ones. Opening up old wounds and rubbing salt on it, that's how it feels whenever I recall those horrible times, thinking about what I could have done differently and wondering if things would have been any better than they were now or if destiny just have my life planned out and no matter what action I take, the results will always be the same.
I've been trying to set aside these thoughts and focus on the present. But now I think that by ignoring them, I'm only piling them up. Piling up the anger, the frustration, the sadness, the tears and to some extent, the regret. One day, it will all come crumbling down.
"But that day isn't today nor any time soon" I whispered to myself and wiped away the single tear that managed to escape from my left eye. I rolled over to my left side and my eyes landed on the alarm clock placed on my night stand. 03.27am it read. The devil's hour. No wonder why I keep thinking of things I don't want to think of. I sighed and sat by the side of my bed, with my elbows on my knee and my head in both my hands. Admist my spiralling thoughts, I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong or about to go wrong. And seeing the way rolland and killian behaved today, my suspicion was right. Speaking of killian, I haven't seen him since breakfast and rolland avoided me as much as he could. I let out a long sigh and used the remaining strength in me to lift my self up on my feet. I decided to take a quick walk around the house to tire myself out a bit. I let my legs wander about and it led me to the kids room. They had been with me all through the day today.They refused to sleep in their room but I assured them that everything is fine. I guess they had the gut feeling that something happened. I'm so glad they all can't recall anything that happened, just like the doctor said. I slightly pushed open their door and took a peak. They somehow managed to sleep on one bed. Kayden almost laying on jayden and lilly laying beside them. Quietly, I walk in and move kayden and lilly to their respective beds. After which I kiss them all goodnight then continue my walk. After a few minutes of walking, I met myself outside killian's office. I contemplated on going back but later gave in to my mind. I let out a shaky breath as i Gently placed a knock on the door.
"Come in" He's voice resounded loudly. It sounded a bit rasp, and I could instantly tell he was asleep. I entered as he said and quickly scanned his office. The room was dimly lit by a lamp placed on his desk and by the moon light shining through the window. The window was behind killian, so his figure cast a shadow on the desk which had documents and stray papers scattered all over it. Killian however, was still in the clothes he wore to work, except now a bit rough. His hair was scattered, tie loose, belt on the sofa,along side his jacket. I couldn't see his face clearly because of the light shining from behind him
"Evita" he called.
"Mr lockewood" I answered walking towards him.
"You should be asleep" he said as he turned on more lights. He look tired, really really tired
"So should you" i said in response. Silence fell upon us as neither of us knew what to say. After a while of staring at each other, I finally spoke up
"Long day huh?" I asked and he responded with a hmmm which I suppose means yes.
"So care to explain what happened this morning? I'd like to assume that its the same reason why rolland has been acting weird" His Adams apple bobbed up and down as he visibly swallowed saliva. I was right, something is wrong. I could feel his gaze get more intense than it already was. Never knew that was physically possible. Killian cleared his throat then began.
"I know you might find it unbelievable or funny, trust me, I do too" he said. I could feel my stomach slowly tie into knots as his words reached my ears.
"Okayy..." I urged on
"I fell asleep in my room last night, as usual, but woke up with joan" there it was. She was the reason why they were acting weird. Killian averted his gaze from mine and refused to look back at me. I don't even know what to think at this point. After a while of sitting in silence, I decided to respond with the only response I could think of.
"Um- okayy. Its fine since you just slept....right?" My voice cracked even though i tried to sound in control
"Well, that's the thing. She claims that we-"
"That you what killian?" I asked sternly hoping it's not what I think.
"She claims that we- that we had sex last night" he finally said. My heart dropped to my stomach and chills ran down my spine and not the good kind.
"So did you?"
"I don't remember!" He yelled moving from behind the table
"That's bullshit. You're telling me you don't remember leaving your room, going down the stairs and into her room? Is that it?" I yelled back, walking towards him. He did say it was unbelievable but this was straight out nonsense.
"I don't remember anything evita. I even got a blood test done to see if she drugged me but there was nothing found in my blood" he said still avoiding my gaze. I turned around to leave his office as that was the only thing I could think of.
"Miss valkov wait" killian called me before I could twist the door knob. I looked back at him and followed his movements as he took long strides towards me. He stood directly in front of me and lifted my chin so our eyes meet.
" i know you are mad at me and you have every right to be. This is my fault. If I hadn't agreed to her staying here, this wouldn't have happened to start with. I hurt you by doing so, and I hurt you more with the news I just broke to you. I know that." He said really low and softly. If I hadn't been a feet away from him, I wouldn't have heard. He was right. He did hurt me. His words and actions did hurt me. But what could be done?
"I sincerely apologize for all the pain I've caused you,All the trouble you've passed through because of me,and now the kids have been brought into this mess.... I'm really sorry v, i really am. should have done this earlier but its better late than never right? And I know sorry doesn't do any justice but i promise I'll keep trying to make it up to you. I'll always protect you and lilly from harms way. I promise" mu watery eyes didn't leave killian's blue ones throughout his whole apology. I should be upset right now, but oh this heart, please leave Me alone. I tired to bitch-talk myself to stop me from crying *bitch we ain't crying right now, get your shit together*. My thoughts were interrupted but killian's subtle touch on my cheeks, and that was the tears cue to fall. I bit my lip in order to control the sobbing but it was futile. More tears began to stream from my eyes. Embarrassed, I buried my face in my palms to hide my ugly crying face from killian but he pulled me into a hug instead. I sobbed into his shoulders for as long as I can remember. I'm an independent lady who doesn't need any man or a shoulder to cry on, but tonight, I'm not. I let everything out. All the pain I've kept, I let it out. I cried until the stabbing feeling and the tight knot in my chest was gone.
"I'm really sorry evita, but I promise you that nothing happened between us" killian said after few minutes. I moved my head from his shoulder and nodded in response, my throat was still very tight thus, the nodding.
"Let's talk about this in the morning." Killian said. I sniffled And let out what was supposed to be "okay" but ended up sounding like a frog with a key stuck in its throat. Killian opened the door and led us out of his office, never leaving my hand all through. I was about to enter my room but he didn't let go, instead he kept walking ahead to his room.
"Killian my room is right here" I whispered and tugged his arm. Killian halted and turned his head just enough for us to make eye contact
" I was thinking, you should stay in my room tonight. If that's okay with you of course. I don't just think I should leave you alone like this" he said. I gave it a little thought then nodded. A shoulder to cry on, just for tonight. He nodded back and continued walking, still holding my hand. I'm starting to think he doesn't realise it. We arrived at his room, and as always, it welcomed me with his scent. Taking in a deep breath, I slowly walked towards the window. I felt a presence looming behind me. I turned around and killian was in my face, literally. Our nose bridge slightly touching one and other. I felt my heart beat increase as we held eye contact. He refused to break it nor blink. Seconds passed by and he finally gave in to nature and blinked. He placed a kiss on my forehead before stepping back.
" you should go freshen up. There's clothes for you to change into in the bathroom'' he said. If I didn't know killian, I would have said it sounded rather awkward, but he's killian, that means my ears are playing tricks on me. I nodded and left to the bathroom.
*****
No frogs were harmed in this chapter.
Leave a comment and I might put in a little something in the next chapter.....18+ ;)