The next day was an even bigger surprise. Alas, I survived yet another night in this cold world. It mattered not because only time would tell when I would have to visit sweet lady death. And I had time to think about it. Each visit, I spend significantly more time with her.
Is death beginning to have a tighter grip on me that I fail to realize? Or am I just starting to like the silence that comes with standing at her door waiting to be allowed in? But just like every other scenario, I get turned back and escorted to this treacherous world in which everyone seems to thrive except me.
But that's it for the day. I have learnt that dwelling on my past won't get me anywhere other than worsen my dark tendencies.
But even if I may, has the light favoured me to such extent that I should refuse the sweet deception and invitation of darkness?
Have I been treated fairly enough to say they all deserve a second chance, should I be put in a position to disperse judgment?
No, but even then I still won't show compassion. I have never thought of it this way. So if I had my way, every race will hear from me, yes they will bow to Finn the great!!.
*sighs*
This name that mum gave me isn't really preaching the message. A lot of things happened in between yesterday that I still can't figure out.
For one, mum seems to adore the girl who has taken away the joy of having a talking pet from me. And secondly, my father seems to be not so excited about having a son. Well, that's not a surprise. Men tend to scale towards the moron corner essentially more than women, not that I like either of the two to begin with.
Mum on the other hand has been busy today and left me with this THING over there that won't take her deceitful eyes off me. It truly pains me that my teeth aren't out yet, would have given her a piece of my mind.
Although that might get me killed. Yet it's been that way in my opinion. None of them that I have met have ever truly turned down the chance to do that in the first place. In short, sisters throwing their brothers into a lake is nothing new to me, they are the worst.
What I would like to know on the other hand is what that whole thing I saw yesterday meant. Have the gods truly certified my insanity and added a badge of honour to it? Or was that an early form of deformity briefly up for a show that this new body has?
It doesn't really make any sense. I have been in so many of them to tell which one would be deformed from the get-go. This one, it felt special at first so how could I have some strange illness that seeks to see me reach my true insane potential?
Why have the gods decided to make fun of my cursed existence with atrocious lies?
It is certain now that my existence will only serve as a never-ending comedic run for their entertainment. If only I had a way to show them just how much it means to die and be reborn only to die, again!!
The cycle even as I would hate to admit it eventually breaks one down. My soul is an old and tired one yet for some reason, it never seizes to surfer resentment from the likes of men and mockery from the gods.
"I wonder what you are thinking of Finn. Don't worry, it won't be long again before you and I can play. Big sister will protect you, you have nothing to be worried about," Juan said.
She looks at me who by all merit is older than her and tells a bald-faced lie. It's the audacity backing her every word that throws me off. I really wish there was something else I could do that involved less of her and more of me.
A lot of things don't just seem right about her. She looks to be ten years old yet behaves like she's lived a century already. Her carefully packed to the side black hair tells the story of her long existence. Not to mention her dark eyes that wouldn't stray from me. How does she find the courage to look me in the eye and comfort me while being aware that she would be the cause of my grief?
-And then now that I remember grief, I surprisingly skipped the part mum fed me blood and it tasted less like old man Zephyr's stockings. It did still feel out of place but for the most part, it satisfied my hunger. I would normally have spat it out in previous bodies, but I sought for it in this body, strange.
Old man Zephyr in this condition would have given me milk from his cattle instead. Sometimes I think that if they tasted that good, why wasn't I just reincarnated as a cow?
I bet that would have solved all my problems. No discrimination and the best part was I would be first in line to get to wherever that delicious goodness came from. It did make my stomach bloat on the first try but I eventually got to like it. It's a shame it all had to end.
If anything, it still tasted better than the blood I'm being fed. The taste of iron still lingers in my mouth!
And mum says she went through a lot to get it. She did say she was going to get more blood just for me.
*Sigh*
This is the point of the initial attachment. She feels a strong tie to her offspring and would do nearly everything possible to safeguard that offspring. This connection is said to be experienced by the child as well. The truth behind that is something I can't affirm. I honestly have no clue if that exists but I'm willing to bet it's the initial phase when she hasn't realized what she has given birth to yet.
"I still haven't apologized for stealing your body. I mean, our body. ...Actually, you seized to exist and I took your place so it's my body. But either way, you are not the first body I would be stealing from its owner. Don't worry, I won't be in it for long. With a body like yours that makes me feel oddly comfortable inside, there has to be a catch, some kind of flaw to it. I haven't had the chance to see my reflection so I honestly don't know what I look like"... Finn said
Now translating that to how it came out...
" Dadaa..tatamahd.. Ageha...afagha"(baby tongue)
"Wow, you really are a special one. Three days old and you already have started making improvements in your speech department" Juan praised.
*Sigh*
I always do this. I talk so much in my mind to keep myself busy that sometimes I forget and let it all out. The result is the ugly front she's pulling now by acting like it's something extraordinary I have done. What should be extraordinary is how her hate hasn't gotten the best of her yet. By now I expect her to have had her fangs sunk into me, drawing every last blood left in me. But the little girl sure knows how to keep herself in check.
I'm willing to bet though that she doesn't survive up to a month when my true scent begins to reveal itself. I'm even hoping I make it to a month. The visits back to life lately have been cut short without my notice.
-What's this? Get it off my face!!.
-Why won't it come off?!!
.....
....
And just like that, I have spent two hours trying to get some pesky little fly out of my eye. My "protector" over there has barely enough wits to see that I'm struggling. Instead, to her, this is all just some fun game. I have used up my baby's energy and now I must sleep. Somehow this body requires less food which might come in handy when I'm tossed out to the sun again. At least I would survive a few days before I die, again.
*Bing*
[The death system would like to reward you for staying true to your words thus far]
-My world!!. So that little pesky fly thingy, was this a shenanigan being pulled by the devil in charge of dishing out my daily dose of misery?
[Your energy is low, you will now be put to rest]
-Wait... What?. No....!!. Not now, I was hoping this body would at least hold out longer. Why?. I don't feel sick!!.
*Gasp*
-Has that little witch been siphoning my essence all this while? I knew she was up to no good. Okay, goodbye world. We will try again later.
[To ensure you don't forget your root, the death system will consistently remind you]
[Memory replay will now begin]...
-Wait, what now?-