At noon, Hiroyuki-san arrived. His presence slowly invaded the Okiya, and I could feel him within the walls before he appeared in the doorway of the main room. His stature brought to mind the statues of praying monks, round but jolly, nothing but joy making up their lives. He brought with him an aura of control and trust, and I felt at ease just seeing his face. Mori and I had remained at the table in the middle of the room, seated on the floor, indulging in tea, one after the other until I thought it might have taken over our blood.
"Look at the hard work you've done this morning." I watched as Hiroyuki-san sauntered from Iko to Iko, casting his gaze like a fishing line up and down each kimono that hung on them. He took a moment to hold the silk between his fingers, and squinted into the patterns as if examining some very tiny detail. I was tranquil as I watched him, as if he could have been smoothing my hair through his fingers instead.
"The girls will be coming down any second to start getting ready. I trust you can dress a Geisha?"
I stood behind one of the Maiko, expertly tying her obi as she looked in the mirror and studied her appearance. She made gestures with her hands, things that looked as if she was pouring phantom tea, moving her kimono sleeves around her wrists. Tying the obi for her, the fabric draped over my shoulder, my hands at the small of her back, felt like an intimate affair. I couldn't stop my mind from always wandering to the dance. Hiroyuki-san was tying the obi of the other Maiko at the mirror beside me, stealing glances, smiling to himself.
"Sayaka-san, how fortunate are you to be dressed by Seishin-sama today." As Hiroyuki-san spoke, the Maiko covered her face with her hands. Her fingers were long and straight, glued to each other in a practiced way. I could see as I looked at her face in the mirror, how delicate her soul must have been. Her eyes created a perfect arch as she hid her smile, and her cheeks flushed up to her straight eyebrows.
I placed the back of my hands against the obi at the small of her back, relaxing my fingers and striking the knots I had made gently to soften them, making them fall more naturally in place on her frame. Our eyes met in the mirror.
"Which Geisha is your sister?"
"Sakura is her sister." Hiroyuki-san spoke for her, pointing across the room to the two Geisha. Sayaka crossed her perfectly pointed hands in front of her and leaned slightly forward in a bow. Her eye closed in her bow, a habit, offering respect and trust. "Maiko are trained to let their big sisters speak for them."
"I had a little sister myself once." I recalled her only in death, as I held her cold body while the rain pounded the earth around us, swallowing us, as it bounced to soak us as much as possible. I recalled how the reasoning behind her death was so needlessly a show of possession. I had loved her, as my family, and she had been extinguished out of jealousy. We were children then. Love by possession was the only thing we understood. As I stole a glance at Mori, I realized we finally understood love by expression. How careless we were with it.
I took an affinity toward the Maiko Sayaka. I felt that I could offer her everything I had not had the chance to offer my own apprentice in Edo. I feared for creating my life in Miyako modelled after the one I had burned to the ground across the mountains, but I knew I had already changed drastically from the evil I was, and more change could have undone me.
"I would like to take the opportunity to offer Sayaka-san some extra lessons in dance and tea ceremony, if Sayaka-san and Sakura-san would accept."
Sayaka's face matched Mori's expression, and I had never witness so much surprise on her as I did the moment I spoke the words. The Maiko looked to her Geisha sister for approval, but the Geisha simply waved her hand in dismissal and returned to her engagement with the other Geisha. I watched the transaction of permission granted with haste as if it were a chore to consider the feelings of another being. I knew what that felt like all too well.
"I want to hear it from you, Sayaka." If she were to accept the offer to train with me, she would need to get used to my brashness, and so I spoke bluntly.
"I would like to accept your offer, Seishin-sama." Her figure in the mirror was so typical. Her red kimono, the wisteria pattern, the red silk in her hair, all expected. The white collar of her inner clothes, her white tabi socks, expected. The glint in her eye of excitement at the chance to dance, the way I could sense her body would move, unpredictable. I saw myself in her, the need to entertain, the need to draw attention, the need to seduce. I craved to nurture it.
One day, I thought, I would attend the nightly celebration at the teahouse to see how my handiwork progressed. I sat alone at the sliding door facing the mountain in the distance, watching as the orange streaks in the sky dissipated when the sun sank out of view. I felt the warmth upon my face fade, but I felt as though I had soaked enough through my skin that I could still cast a warm glow about me for a little longer. A hand on my shoulder, and I turned my view to slender and familiar fingers tipped with black pointed nails. Sugai sank heavily beside me, leaning back and supporting his weight on a hand positioned on the floor next to my hip. Our eyes met for a long moment, a relaxed expression that he wore gave me peace, slowed my heart.
"Okasan."
I laughed. The sound was so strange coming from my body. Happiness was an emotion that I needed to practice.
I woke to the commotion of the Geisha and Maiko returning to the Okiya with loud clacks of sliding doors, bells from zori, laughing and giddy chatter from sake. I glanced around myself rapidly. Sugai's arms. Darkness. We had fallen asleep together right there in the doorway of the engawa.
"Seishin-sama!" A call. "Sayaka is at the bath house!"