"Nick, are you sure about this?" Shinobu asks as we leave the Guild Master's office.
"I'm sure I'm going to try," I respond while checking for her reaction. She lowers her head and looks at the ground. I can tell she has more to say, but I don't want to force her to speak.
"How would you feel if I died? Would you even care?" Shinobu nearly shouts out her thoughts as we approach the door to the main hall. She's clearly upset by my behavior, so I should respond as authentically as possible.
"I'd be hurt," I say while nodding. "You're my close friend, and I care about your well-being. Losing you for any reason would be devastating."
I tend to get invested in people too quickly, so losing anyone I'm close to would be a big blow.
"How can you say that? You don't even know me! Why go out of your way for me? Why care about me at all?!" Shinobu shouts. It seems we've stumbled upon a deeper issue in her psyche.
"You know, when I was younger, I was always scared my parents would abandon me whenever we went shopping. Anytime I lost sight of them, I would immediately start crying. I couldn't wrap my head around why they kept me around; I was just a parasite. I didn't have a source of income, and I didn't better their lives in any way. Why have me at all?" I pause to see how Shinobu reacts. "Why didn't they abandon me?"
"They were your parents! How could they abandon you?"
"So?"
"They had you by choice!"
"You don't know that, and people change their minds. What if they thought they wanted a child and later decided that I was too much of a burden."
"But, they love you." Shinobu's voice lowers in volume as I continue to deconstruct relationships.
"Why? And even if they do, why put up with me?"
"…"
"This is something that I didn't understand until I was older. Children are like a happiness fountain; they make you smile just by looking at them. The burden of parenthood can become a source of fulfillment. It can add meaning to your life and bring you happiness at the same time."
"So, you just think of Shinobu as your daughter?" Sakura looks at me with a face full of disgust.
"No, I was just making the point that an outwardly parasitic relationship can be beneficial to both parties when we consider all the variables. I think Shinobu is asking that because she doesn't understand her own value and what that means for the people around her." Shinobu lowers her head as I finish speaking. Now that I've broken things down, it's time to build them back up. "Shinobu, you know you saved all our lives yesterday."
She looks up at me with confusion in her eyes.
"I don't think we could have made it out of there without you disabling that giant spider.
"Yuki was the one that cleared the way through the goblins." Shinobu deflects to someone else to downplay her achievement.
"And I distracted it so you could get close and Josh and Travis helped hold the front line, and Sakura and Jim prevented any flanking maneuvers around the rear. We're all part of a team. No one is any more or less valuable than anyone else; we all have our own roles to play in ensuring we all make it home alive." Shinobu searches the floor for something to say, but I continue before she can speak. "You asked me how I would feel if you died; I'd feel loss. Not only would I be losing someone I care about, but I'd also be losing an invaluable teammate. There would forever be a hole in my world."
She takes a few deep breaths to collect herself before nodding. I move on to our operation in the forest while I'm sure she's landed on the right mindset. I don't want to give her a chance to think of any more hypotheticals. She will likely maintain this thought process unless provoked into thinking about it again by some external stimulus.
"Now, I'm going into the forest to hunt a Mankas; if any of you don't want to join me, I won't hold it against you."
"It's not fair to say all those things about friendship and then ask if we don't want to join you." Sakura crosses her arms as she walks up next to me. She refuses to look in my direction, but I take that to mean she's coming with me. Josh nods and stands on my other side. I glance over at Shinobu with a grin. There's no way I could hold it back, so I don't even try.
"Well, I can't say no…" she says with a shrug. I can feel the fire rising through my chest. Having my teammates backing me up fills me with confidence.
"Thanks for sticking with me.
We arrive at our house in only a few minutes. Nervous excitement pushes us forward at record speed. We quickly throw on our equipment and dash down the street to the north gate. For some reason, Jezabel is waiting for us by the palisade with her arms crossed.
"Hello?" I greet her, tilting my head to express my confusion.
"I need the four of you to understand that you don't have to do this," Jezabel says while looking down at the ground.
"I know," I reply.
"I don't think you do."
"Okay?" I blink a few times as I try to understand what she's getting at.
"I'm ordering you to stay in town," she says as she stares directly into my eyes.
"What?!" My fist chokes the shaft of my spear in frustration. Why give me hope and then rescind it? What is she aiming at? What am I supposed to do now?