MEGAN'S assurances that she was okay with what had happened between them did little to relieve the turmoil in Johnny's mind. Her dismissive attitude had made him feel…unimportant to her, as though she'd only been using him to make herself feel better. Certainly she'd been closing the door on it, letting him know she wasn't expecting nor inviting a repeat performance.
Was wishing him well with the movie her way of putting him back in a pigeonhole that had nothing to do with her life? At least there'd been no scorn attached to it, more a straightforward acceptance that this was what he did.
Nevertheless, even that seemed to emphasise the distance she seemed intent on establishing, telling him unequivocally that—unlike him—Gundamurra was the only stage for her.
Fair comment, Johnny told himself, though everything within him wanted to fight it. However, the current circumstances were wrong for making any headway on that ground. On any ground. And maybe he was wrong for her in any long-term sense. Johnny felt he couldn't be certain of anything until he returned to Gundamurra and put in a lot of time on the sheep station with Megan.
Back in Arizona, the movie wasn't fun anymore. He grew annoyed with the script, especially in the scenes he had to play with a rancher's widow. They didn't sit right with him.
Neither did the ending. He kept thinking of how it would be for Megan if she were the widow, struggling to survive and having to make the choice of helping a cowboy who would inevitably leave her.
He argued with the director, insisting that the whole feel of the scenes was wrong, that they should be stark and powerful, pulsing with tension over the conflict of interests, not just some token female interest in the movie, and the cowboy should feel compelled to return to the ranch once his mission had been accomplished.
He won his point.
The female lead was very grateful to him for the meatier role. Too damned grateful, making a nuisance of herself. He had to explain he was seriously involved with another woman. What woman? she demanded to know, since there was none in evidence. Johnny kept his mouth shut, only too aware of what the media would do with a name. He couldn't bring that circus down on Megan, especially when there was nothing but a business partnership settled between them.
She kept her word, e-mailing him reports on what she was doing at Gundamurra, how his money was being used, accounting for every dollar put into the place. He both welcomed and hated her messages which were totally devoid of anything personal. It was as though the intimacy they had shared was a brief aberration, best forgotten.
He kept his own replies matter-of-fact, trying not to impinge on what she clearly saw as her authority, trying not to beg more interest in him from her. It was clear that what he was doing had no real existence in her life. He understood this but found it uncomfortably belittling. Was all he had achieved so useless to her mind?
He didn't mention the movie, apart from counting the schedule down—two more months, six weeks, four, two, a few more days. He didn't stay for the wrap-up party. He didn't care that the director seemed impressed with his acting ability. The moment he was no longer needed for any more scenes, contract fulfilled, he packed up and moved out, heading home to Gundamurra and Megan Maguire.
The land was in no better shape than when Johnny had last seen it—still no rain—but the sheep definitely were, Megan thought with satisfaction. There were more watering holes for them, thanks to the extra artesian bores his money had made possible, and the feed they were trucking in made a huge difference. Besides, she didn't anticipate any problems with Johnny over her management. His replies to her e-mailed reports had held nothing but approval.
Her only problems with him would be personal, and it was impossible to know how to handle them until she was with him again. She checked her watch as she headed towards the homestead kitchen for morning tea. Only a few more hours and he'd be flying in. Once he arrived…Megan told herself she had to remain calm, wait and see how he behaved towards her, keep reassessing the situation as she gathered more information.
She found Evelyn alone in the kitchen, vigorously grating carrot for Johnny's favourite cake. No doubt the housekeeper's two helpers, Brenda and Gail, were polishing up his guest suite, ensuring everything was in perfect readiness for his welcome home. Megan brushed off Evelyn's offer to make tea, munching some dry biscuits to settle her stomach while she brewed the tea herself. As soon as she sat down at the table with a steaming mugful, the grating stopped and Evelyn faced her with a determined air of confrontation.
'Are you going to tell him?'
Megan shrugged her bewilderment. 'Tell…whom… what?'
Evelyn wiped her hands on a cloth, the dark brown eyes of her aboriginal heritage measuring some goal she had in mind before speaking again. 'Don't think you can be fooling me, Miss Megan. I've seen the signs too many times.'
The nausea she'd been fighting every morning for weeks rolled around her stomach.
'Reckon I knew Miss Lara was pregnant even before she did,' Evelyn went on, leaving no doubt about the subject she was bent on tackling.
Megan realised it was useless to deny it. 'Have you told anyone?' she asked anxiously, alarmed at the thought that everyone on the station was aware of her condition and holding to a conspiracy of silence until she was ready to admit it.
'No. But I'll tell Mr Johnny if you don't,' came the challenging reply.
'You mustn't do that, Evelyn,' Megan instantly cried, panic welling up at the thought of any premature disclosure which might undermine her plans for the future.
'No good comes from keeping secrets that shouldn't be kept,' Evelyn bored in with absolute conviction. 'Especially from the man who fathered the child.'
'What makes you think Johnny's the father?' Megan shot back at her, desperate to raise enough doubt to give herself more time.
Evelyn clucked her contempt for any other possibility. 'No-one else it could be. Think I didn't know what you were up to…day of Mr Patrick's funeral…wanting to turn Mr Johnny's head? All these years…watching how you are with him? One way or another—nice or nasty—you've been set on making him take notice of you.'
Humiliation burned through her. Had her feelings been so horribly transparent to everyone? No, they couldn't have been, she frantically argued to herself. Johnny had believed she disliked him. Her sisters had been worried about her reaction to their father's will. They had simply been anxious that she not be hostile to Johnny and the help he could give. Mitch and Ric had taken that stance, too. Only Evelyn… Evelyn who cared about anything relating to Johnny…
'It's not his fault I'm pregnant,' Megan blurted out. 'It's not fair to load it on him.'
'Takes two to make a child,' came the firm rebuttal. 'Accepting the blame for it makes no difference, Miss Megan. The child belongs to him, as well as you.'
'I let him believe I was protected,' she pleaded. 'I'm the one who's responsible for this pregnancy. He would have ensured it didn't happen.'
Evelyn shook her head, disappointment and disapproval stamped on her expression. 'If you wove a web of lies to get Mr Johnny into your bed, you'll only make the situation worse with more lies. Time you faced up to yourself and to him.'
'I don't want him to feel trapped. That's not fair, Evelyn,' she repeated emphatically, gathering strength to fight any interference with whatever she decided to do.
'You think he'd want his child to be as fatherless as he was? No way, Miss Megan. No way. You just pile injustice on top of injustice if you keep this from him.' Her eyes narrowed in grim judgement. 'You're thinking of yourself. What you want. Always been that way. But I won't let you cut Mr Johnny out of what is rightfully his. You tell him or I will.'
'It's not your business!' It was a desperate cry of protest. This was between her and Johnny and she needed time to work out how best to approach the future…what arrangement to make with him.
Evelyn seemed to puff herself up with even more determination. 'Your dear mother's gone. Your father whom I admired and respected more than any other man on earth is gone.' She lifted a hand and shook a finger at Megan. 'They put me here. They trusted me to get things right. And neither of them would ever have planned to cheat a good man.'
Cheat…that was a totally unacceptable word. Megan recoiled from it. She'd been carrying a wretched load of guilt for weeks. That was nothing new. Yet mixed in with the guilt was an insidious streak of exhilarating pleasure in
having Johnny Ellis's child—a part of him he couldn't take away from her. But cheating him…that didn't sit at all well.
Evelyn planted her hands on her ample hips. Her big bosom heaved. Her chin was thrust out in belligerent pride. 'I've lived at Gundamurra all my life. Over fifty years now.
Served your parents best I could. Always followed their example. You can sack me if you want, Miss Megan. Your father gave you the right to do that…'
Gundamurra without Evelyn?
Shocking thought…even more shocking than cheating. '…but as long as I'm here, I won't stand by and let you pull the wool over Mr Johnny's eyes, not on something as important as this will be to him. His child…'
Mine, too, Megan thought, fiercely possessive. 'You can't expect me to hit him with it the moment he steps off his plane,' she swiftly argued.
'You should have told him already,' came the damning retort. 'Every minute you leave it makes it worse. More underhand. More unfair,' she hammered home.
A relentless drive for truth was looking Megan straight in the face—impossible to ignore—impossible to even bend. Evelyn would serve Johnny with it along with her carrot cake if she was not satisfied with immediate action on this issue.
Strong loyalties had been stirred.
To Evelyn's mind, Patrick's daughter had not been acting as Patrick's daughter should, letting down the tradition of justice at Gundamurra, lying to a man who had learnt trust here, trusting her father, trusting himself. And perhaps the very longevity of her service did give her the right to feel she had to be the keeper of that trust, regardless of whether it served Megan's interests or not.
'I'm sorry you feel…so let down by me, Evelyn.'
She heaved a troubled sigh. 'It's your parents I'm thinking of, Miss Megan. They'd be telling you the same as I am. Lay it out in the open and deal with it.'
No other choice now.
'Tonight. I'll tell him tonight,' Megan promised. Evelyn weighed that answer and finally conceded to it.
'I'll know tomorrow morning if you haven't done it,' she warned. 'Hard enough to look Mr Johnny in the face today, holding back what he should know.'
A brief reprieve.
At least she'd have a little time to gauge Johnny's attitude towards her, find out how long he intended to stay at Gundamurra this time, what career commitments he might have made while working on the movie, how much of his future was tied up elsewhere.
She'd wanted to feel prepared for every contingency before laying out the fact that would inevitably have a far ranging effect on the rest of their lives, wanted to have answers ready for whatever was Johnny's reaction to it.
However, Evelyn's words had stung her conscience. There was no denying the truth of them. Johnny would not want his child to be fatherless, as he himself had been. Which meant she had to share. No cheating him out of the role he'd want to play—a role he'd insist on playing.
Roles…exits and entrances…
What had she done in her own selfish desire to have her needs answered?
One careless act. A reckless lie.
Though even acknowledging she hadn't been fair to Johnny, she couldn't regret doing it.
She wanted this child.