LARA was already waiting in the obstetrician's rooms when Ric arrived. She looked up from reading a magazine as he entered, her gaze connecting directly with his, affirming that her word was good. She had turned up. In good time, too. It was still ten minutes short of the appointment he'd made.
Ric gave her a brief nod of acknowledgment as he strode to the receptionist's desk, his inner tension easing somewhat with the assurance of her presence here. Having had his name checked on the waiting list, he strolled over to the corner where Lara sat and settled on the bench seat adjacent to hers, not crowding her but close enough for them to speak privately.
Not that he had anything to say.
Sitting next to her was more a courtesy thing since they'd be seeing the obstetrician together. All the same, it was a mistake, making him aware of her in ways he needed to forget. He could even smell the perfume she was wearing, some insidiously floral scent that teased him into remembering the sweet sensuality of kissing her hair, her ears…
'Hello.'
The simple word of greeting from her, as though they were teenage kids again, had him gritting his teeth. She'd closed the magazine. Her eyes were fastened on him, eyes as blue as summer skies. He hated her…yet she could still get to him, making him want what they'd shared before…before he'd realised how she'd used him…and discarded him.
'Did you consider aborting this child?' he shot at her.
She flinched, but recovered quickly, her chin tilting up defiantly. 'No, I didn't.'
'If Gary hadn't died, it would have brought you trouble,' he tersely reminded her.
Pain in her eyes. 'I had a baby…just three months before you took me to Gundamurra. It was…stillborn. I couldn't take this baby's life, Ric. No matter what.'
'Fair enough,' he clipped out, and reached for a magazine from the coffee table in front of them, needing distraction from the way she was affecting him.
It was a fortnight since he'd rampaged into her house, forcing her to admit what he knew. He'd been so chewed up about her rejection of him— even as the father of her child—he'd been barely aware of anything else.
Today was different. She'd submitted to his demand. And she was so stunningly beautiful, it hurt.
He flicked through the pages of the magazine but couldn't focus on reading. He kept remembering how her e-mail messages to him had tapered off into flat little reports on her life at Gundamurra, once she'd known she had to be pregnant. No doubt there'd been many conflicts in her mind. This past week, he'd been mad enough to think she might want to keep the baby because it could be his, but it really had nothing to do with him. It was obviously a maternal need.
'Losing a baby is a terrible thing, Ric,' she said quietly.
He didn't want to feel sympathy for her. 'Right!' he said, giving her a hard look. 'Then you understand I won't want to lose any child of mine.'
She nodded.
He saw her throat move convulsively.
Her voice was husky, her eyes filled with eloquent appeal as she blurted out, 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you.'
Was she? Ric stared at her, searching for some further layer of deceit. 'It wasn't because I didn't want you in my life,' she rushed out. 'It was because…it wasn't fair to tie you to a lifelong commitment when you would have chosen not to risk it.'
She looked sincere.
Ric frowned and returned his gaze to the opened pages of the magazine.
He had no ready reply to what she'd said. Of course he'd been concerned about protection. A decent guy didn't just take a woman without caring about the consequences of sexual intimacy. Lara should not have lied about that. But…in all honesty…he hadn't wanted to stop. And given that moment again…if the truth had been told and she'd still urged him on…
'I had started taking contraceptive pills,' she added, an anxious pleading in her voice. 'Secretly, because Gary was determined on trying for another child and I didn't want it to happen, but I'd only been taking them for two weeks, so…I guess it was too soon for them to work.'
Was this another lie?
It certainly made sense that she wouldn't want to fall pregnant to Gary again—an unbreakable tie to him for life with the possibility of the child suffering abuse, as well. If she had been taking pills…even for a short time…he could understand her wanting them to be effective. Which would mean she hadn't told an out-and-out lie about being protected. More a desperate hope.
And the hope had died some six weeks into her stay at Gundamurra. Maybe she'd been in such hell about it, she couldn't think straight… cutting him out because the child might be Gary's, and that would mean there was no ultimate escape from the man. Endless fear. And feeling she had no right to drag Ric into her hell.
He could accept that kind of reasoning. But once Gary was dead…no, he couldn't forgive her for cutting him out then. Paying him off…
'You should have wanted a DNA test, anyway,' he stated coldly. 'If the child was another man's, Gary wouldn't have had any lever to force an ongoing relationship.'
'Then he would have known I'd been with you,' she answered so quickly, it must have been played through her mind many times. 'He might have killed you…or had you killed,' she added grimly. 'Gary was very, very possessive.'
'But he ended up dead, Lara,' he shot back at her. 'And you still proceeded to push me away from you.'
Anguish in her eyes. Hot patches of colour burning in her cheeks. He wrenched his gaze from her and directed it firmly to the magazine.
'There's no point in this conversation,' he declared almost viciously, fighting the crazy impulse to sweep her up into his arms and promise everything was all right now.
It wasn't.
'If the results of the test prove the child is mine, we'll have something to talk about,' he added, deliberately limiting the focus of any further conversation with her.
The ensuing silence told him it had been effective.
Yet he couldn't stop himself from brooding over her attempts to clear up various pertinent issues with him. His mind kept returning to her claim that she didn't feel it was fair to tie him into a lifelong commitment when he hadn't chosen to risk having a child with her.