[Name]:>Human or Monster
[Author]:>Zrocker119
[Link]:>https://m.fanfiction.net/s/14068694/1/Human-or-Monster
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When one forgets what it means to be human, sometimes, they just need a helping hand. It could be the one thing that keeps them from becoming a monster.
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M, English, Hurt/Comfort & Family, chapters: 6, words: 37k+, favs: 396, follows: 419, updated: 20h ago published: Apr 17, 2022, [Irene B., Itadori Y.]
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-Chapter 1-
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Start
In the 400 years that she has lived, pain and misery were something that Irene had grown accustomed to. Her first taste had come in the form of Belserions death at the hands of Acnologia. The ancient dragon had been her friend and mentor since she was a child and she hadn't been given the time to properly mourn his passing.
The war came to an end shortly afterward, but fate wasn't done with her. Though she had been the originator of Dragon Slayers, Irene hadn't foreseen the consequences of infusing the power of a Dragon within a human until it was far too late. Irene, along with all of the other Dragon Slayers, had begun to undergo dragonfication. Fearing that she would become another Acnologia, her people, the ones she had sacrificed so much for, including her husband, turned on her.
With a child growing within her womb, Irene was beaten, humiliated, and tortured for three years. It was only due to her immense reserves of magic that she had been able to stop the child's growth, as she refused to give birth while imprisoned.
And when she tried to plead with her husband, who had just informed her that she would be executed in the coming days, the bastard had tried to gut her. Like she was some fucking animal.
Irene was no animal. She was a woman that had done all she could to protect her unborn child. And when Rung, the man she had loved despite their marriage being a political one, raised his sword to cut out their child, her child…that had been what she believed to be her breaking point.
And in an attempt to save her unborn baby, Irene stopped fighting and allowed the dragon to take over. With the full, unrestrained power of a dragon at her disposal, it had been laughably easy to break out of her imprisonment. Killing all that stood in her way, Irene was free.
But the cost had been great. Not only had she slaughtered dozens, but she was no longer human. And so, with no other option available to her, she fled. Irene hid from the world. Taking refuge in the further reaches of the Ishgar mountain ranges.
And it was there, for 400 years, that she remained in isolation. And it wasn't until a stranger, whom she would later learn to be the Dark Wizard Zeref, happened upon her, and upon realizing what she was, enchanted Irene back to her human appearance.
For a time, simply looking human had been enough. Irene was happy. But she quickly learned that even though she had the appearance of a human, she still had the physical sensations of a dragon.
Food and drinks held no taste. The smell and sounds of any town or city she stayed in irritated her heightened senses after only a few short weeks. For so long she had longed for the opportunity to rejoin humanity. Regain some semblance of normalcy in her life.
But now that she could walk amongst her kind again, her own body refused to let her find any sort of enjoyment. Irene had been on the brink of a mental breakdown when the sight of a mother walking with her children reminded her of the child she still carried within her womb.
A human child.
One that carried within it the potential to grant her a new lease on life.
With a devilish plan in mind, Irene bided her time and carried the baby to term. And when the time arrived, she would enchant her mind and soul unto her child. And in the process, regain her lost humanity.
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Irene had thought that she knew pain. But once she had gone into labor, she became very aware of just how wrong her notion of pain was.
"D-damn it!" Despite her best attempts to fight it, Irene couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks. "Come out already!"
How long had it been? A few hours, maybe? It felt like an eternity to her. Pushing with all of her might, Irene let out one final cry and she felt the child pass completely through where it was caught by her magic.
Letting out a shaky breath, Irene cut the umbilical cord and began the process of cleaning up the mess she had made. With a few quick applications of magic, Irene had fixed her haggard appearance and cleaned the baby, wrapping it in a blanket she had prepared earlier.
"Well, at least you're a girl," Irene said, gently stroking the baby's cheek.
And what a beauty she was. She appeared to be almost an exact clone of Irene, having her ears, nose, and even a full head of scarlet hair. She couldn't have asked for a better vessel.
Irene brought her palm to hover just above the baby's face, gathering the necessary amount of magic required for the enchantment that would gift her humanity. But just when she was about to activate the spell, she stopped.
"W-why are you doing that?"
Her child, not even a minute old and completely unaware of what was about to happen, was smiling at her.
"S-stop."
But she didn't. The baby let out an incoherent gurgle that made her heartache.
"Stop smiling."
Holding the babe close to her bosom, tears streamed down Irene's cheeks as the dam she had built around her heart began to crumble. Why? Why did this have to be so hard!? It didn't take long for her to find the answer.
"Is this the instinctual love of a mother?"
The more she held her child, the more Irene realized that she couldn't bring herself to carry out her plan. But what if that wasn't always the case? What if, years from now, she had a relapse and went through with it. Her daughters' entire life would be snuffed out before they could truly begin.
Irene didn't get to ponder the possibility as the foliage behind her rustled.
"Hey, I heard crying and-"
She acted on instinct. Clutching the babe to her chest with one hand, she reinforced her other with enchantment magic and swung blindly. There was a brief shout of surprise but it was easily overshadowed by the sounds of the forest being raised from the force behind her attack.
When the smoke finally settled, Irene saw nothing but upturned trees and destroyed foliage for several hundred meters. Her magic coupled with her dragon physiology was a frightening combination. It was in the wake of her destruction that she realized that she had just accidentally murdered whoever had been unfortunate enough to sneak up on her.
"Well, that was a bit extreme."
Or not as the same voice as before spoke again. Only it now came from her right.
She lashed out again, but unlike before, she managed to reign in her strength. Her nails came to a stop just shy of the throat of the one that had spoken.
"Easy, easy!" The man said, his arms raised in surrender. "I'm not here to hurt you."
He appeared to be in his late twenties, possibly early thirties with spiky hair styled in an undercut fashion, the top of which was pink while the bottom was black. He was quite tall, easily a head taller than Irene, and wore a light-colored hooded jacket, high-cuffed pants, and white shoes.
Focusing on his face she saw that his eyes were relatively large and that he sported two scars. The largest of the two ran between his eyes while the other was much smaller, taking up the area around the left corner of his lip.
The last observation that was worthy of notice was the markings that sat just slightly off to the side and under his eyes. To anyone else, they would've appeared as nothing more than scars at first, albeit completely symmetrical ones, but thanks to her enhanced vision she could see a slight seam at the center of them.
As for what purpose they served, Irene couldn't even begin to guess.
"Who are you!? What are you doing out here!?" It was when she pressed her nails closer to his throat that Irene realized that scales now covered her hand and that her nails had transformed into razor-sharp claws.
She withdrew the limb to her chest and with panicked breathing, focused her mind. After a few moments of concentration, Irene had regained her control over her magic and the limb regained its human appearance once more.
"Yuji."
Her head snapped back towards the man.
"What?"
"You asked for my name," he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. "It's Yuji. And you are?"
"...Irene."
Despite her having almost killed him, he raised a hand in greeting and smiled. "Nice to meet you, Irene." Yuji began to say more but then he took notice of the baby cradled in her other arm.
"The crying I heard earlier," he said quietly under his breath. His nose twitched as if he smelled something distinct and narrowed his eyes. "Did…did you just…give birth out in the middle of the woods?"
Irene stared at the man in shock and befuddlement. Did he just smell the lingering scent of afterbirth even though she had used her magic to cleanse the area? Shaking her head, Irene gently rocked her child, lulling the newborn to sleep.
"Not that it's any of your business, but yes. What of it?"
"Nothing," was his quick response. "I'm sure you were heading to the nearby village and things just happened too fast."
Irene knew of the village he spoke of. Rosemary Village was just a few miles away after all. But what he didn't know was that she had come from that village so that she could give birth away from prying eyes. But he didn't know that and she intended to keep it that way.
"Anyway, I'm heading in that direction myself." Yuji jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "We could travel together if you want. Be safer."
Irene quirked a brow and made a show of looking at the area of the forest she had accidentally devastated before settling her gaze back on him. "I think I can handle the walk there just fine."
His eyes momentarily shifted towards the destruction followed by a quiet mumble of, "Wasn't doubting that."
There were a few moments of nothing but the sounds of nature around them. Irene used the lapse in conversation to look over the baby and was surprised to see that, despite the ruckus, the little one had somehow managed to fall asleep.
"Hmm, quite the heavy sleeper."
"Apparently." Irene returned her attention to the man. Now that she had taken the time to calm down, she could sense no hostile intent from him. It would seem that he really had heard her screams of pain and had come to help.
And she had nearly killed him for it.
So, with a heavy sigh, Irene spoke.
"You said there was a village nearby."
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Unlocking the front door to the house, Yuji held the door open for Irene. Only when she passed did he follow her inside, closing the door behind them with a soft thud.
"Well, this is it." He said as he went through the modest-sized home, flicking on lights as he went. "It's not much, but it's better than nothing at least."
He wasn't lying. Looking about the place, Irene saw that it was spartan. No pictures or decorations of the sort. Just the bare minimum of furniture and that was about it. Not only that but there was a not-so-thin layer of dust covering every last corner of it all.
He must have been gone for a long time for this much dust to accumulate.
Cradling her child in one arm, Irene raised the other. Sending out a pulse of magic, she got a mental image of the house and snapped her fingers. The cleansing enchantment worked its magic, pun intended, and all of the accumulated dust and cobwebs were gathered into one densely compacted ball that came to hover in the center of the living room.
Yuji blinked before opening up a nearby window and stepped aside as his guest sent the ball of condensed filth flying out of the house and into the now darkened sky. Shutting the window, he gave her a wide smile and a thumbs up.
Irene merely rolled her eyes and returned her attention to the baby who shuffled a bit as she slept. "Which room are we staying in?" Today had been an especially tiring one for her both mentally and physically and she wanted to do nothing more than to get a proper night's sleep.
Well, as good of one that she could get in her current state.
Still sporting a smile, Yuji led her down a short hallway and opened a door located at the back of the house. Entering it, she was surprised to see that it was the master bedroom.
"Only got the one bedroom," Yuji said, getting the bed ready for her. "Bathrooms just down the hall and to the left."
"And where will you be sleeping?" Irene questioned, her eyes narrowed.
She blinked in surprise when the smile he wore became somber. "I don't sleep much anymore."
There was a story there. A long and perhaps painful one. Irene could see it as plain as the stars in a clear night sky. But that was none of her business and she wasn't interested in hearing it.
She gave a nod. "In any case, I think I'll be heading to bed."
"Sure, sure. Just holler if you need anything." Yuji gave a polite nod and left the room, closing the door behind him.
Now that it was just her and her daughter, Irene let out a long, tired sigh. Not feeling like doing much else, Irene kicked off her shoes and laid her still-sleeping child on the bed. Occupying the space beside her, Irene lay on her side so that she could watch her.
"I'm gonna have to come up with a name for you, aren't I?" All she received in response was the sounds of the baby's gentle breathing. Irene smiled softly and trailed a finger down her daughter's sleeping face. If only she was capable of resting so easily.
Knowing that sleep wouldn't come for her anytime soon, Irene was content with simply watching her child, but after a few hours passed by her mind eventually drifted towards Yuji.
That man was a strange one. He had to be, to open up his house to a stranger that had nearly killed him, even if it had been by accident. But not once did she see a hint of hesitation in his eyes, only concern for her and her newborn child.
He was a wizard, of that she was certain. As for how powerful he was, Irene hadn't the slightest clue. She had tried to get a read off of him while they had been making their way to the village but-
Her train of thought was broken by the sound of crying.
Sitting up Irene turned to see her daughter tossing about, wailing as she did so. Cradling her, Irene began to gently rock the child in an attempt to calm her down. It wasn't until a few minutes of doing this that she realized that her child was probably just hungry.
Thankfully that part of her anatomy seemed to still work properly and a minute later Irene had her resting against her as she burped her.
"At least you're not fussy," Irene said with no small amount of relief. A yawn escaped from her just then. Once she managed to get her child to fall back asleep, Irene laid down once more, only this time she could feel sleep encroaching on her and she welcomed it. She just hoped that for once that the nightmares wouldn't follow.
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It was the smell that caused her to stir.
Irene tried to ignore it. She turned onto her other side and attempted to return to sleep. But her heightened sense of smell wouldn't allow it. When the scent became unbearable Irene gave up. Kicking the blanket off her and getting dressed she looked over and saw that her daughter was still fast asleep.
Moving as quietly as possible she checked on her daughter one more time before exiting the room, silently closing the door behind her. Now that there was no longer a door between them the scent of what she now detected as spices were overpowering, nearly bringing tears to her eyes.
With a hand covering her nose, Irene walked into the joint kitchen and living space to see Yuji hard at work over the stove, dressed in a pair of shorts and a sleeveless shirt. A small part of her might have found appreciation in the fine specimen of a man as he was quite lean and muscular, but a much larger part was too hung up on the smell for her to really pay attention.
She made the mistake of breathing through her nose, letting out a loud sneeze.
Yuji gave a small jolt at the noise. His surprise turned to relief as he let out a sigh upon seeing her.
"Good morning," He said with a smile. "Sorry if I woke you. I was just making breakfast-" He cut himself off upon noticing her discomfort.
"Something wrong?"
"T-the smell." Irene barely managed to speak before being overcome by a sneezing fit.
Taking in the ingredients for the omelet he had been making, Yuji grabbed a shaker full of mild spice and gave it a tentative shake while looking at her quizzically. At her rapid nodding, he hurriedly put it away in the cupboard and threw a lid over the pan to help alleviate the smell.
"Thank you," Irene said. Taking a seat at the table, her features relaxed as the overpowering scent slowly faded away, allowing her to breathe easily once again.
After turning off the stove, Yuji occupied the seat across from her. "Is everything alright?"
Irene let out a long, tired sigh.
"No. Everything is not fine. It's as far from fine as it can get." She bit out before she could stop herself.
"Anything I can do to help-"
"No," She snapped, making him jump back in his seat from the suddenness of it. Placing her elbows on the table, Irene covered her face with her palms. She mentally chastised herself for her break in composure. "Not unless you know how to make me feel human again."
"...I'm sorry?"
Irene let out a sigh. "Nothing. Forget about it. Not like you would believe me anyway."
"Hey," came his soft response after a moment of silence. Moving one palm aside, Irene saw Yuji, arms resting on the table and leaning forward. "What's wrong?"
Maybe it was because of Irene's current state of mind or the genuine concern in his voice that compelled her to tell him. Or perhaps, and the most likely reason, it was because Irene was tired of holding it all in for the last four centuries. Regardless of the reasoning, the dam that contained her pent-up grievances broke.
For hours she spoke, spilling everything to a man that had been a stranger up until last night. And Yuji sat through it all in complete silence, The only time she was interrupted was to feed and change her daughter's diaper.
By the time she finished taking the morning sun had risen to its highest point.
Irene idly stroked her daughter's hair as she took a moment to steady her breathing and avoid Yuji's gaze. While being able to speak her mind had lifted a huge weight off of her shoulders, she was now worried for an entirely different reason. Throughout airing everything that ailed her, Irene had let slip her initial intentions for her child.
"Irene."
And here it comes. The moment she had been dreading. Irene took a deep breath, steeled herself, and looked forward. Her brown eyes widened when she saw him with his hand outstretched, palm facing up.
"Let me see your hand."
Blinking in surprise, and some confusion, Irene complied with his request. Laying her hand atop his own she felt…something flow over her. It was similar to ethernano, but there was something off about it. It felt…denser, for lack of a better word.
Before she could think more about it, the strange energy receded as Yuji retracted his hand and adopted a thoughtful expression.
"What-what was that?"
Her question went ignored as he spoke. "I think that I know what's wrong with you."
Irene's breath hitched. "What?"
"Your souls are out of alignment." He locked eyes with her. "You said that you were stuck as a dragon for 400 years right? I think your soul was transformed as well."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that even though you look human, your soul is still that of a dragon. How your body isn't bursting at the seams right now in an attempt to regain its dragon shape, I have no idea. Magic sure is different from curse techniques." He said the last part quietly to himself.
Irene pondered this new information. Her soul was out of alignment with her body? In all of her years, she had never heard of such a phenomenon. But then again, she was the first dragonslayer. Dragonfication was an unforeseen side effect so the fact that her soul had been affected as well wasn't too far of a stretch.
"Is there a way to reverse it? To make my soul human again?"
Yuji gave her an apologetic smile and she knew the answer before he spoke. "If we had met sooner? Possibly. But after 400 years? I'm sorry, but there's no way to reverse it."
She had known the chance was all but non-existent, but even so, the fact that she would have to spend the remainder of her days trapped within this hellish existence was a hard pill to swallow.
"Hey, I said I couldn't reverse it." Yuji continued, drawing her attention back to him. The smile he wore offered some comfort. "But that doesn't mean you can't learn to control it and repress your senses. It will take some time, maybe even decades, but I'm sure you'll be able to enjoy things like human food again!"
Irene could only stare at him. While what he said could be possible, there was one glaring problem that he had overlooked. She turned her attention to the child that began to stir in her arms.
"But how am I supposed to raise a child, a human child, when I can't even remember what it is to be human."
His response came without a moment's hesitation.
"I'll help you!"
Her head shot up, staring at him in shock. He simply gave her a toothy, closed-eyed smile.
"What? You didn't think I'd give you all this advice and then throw you to the wolves, did you?" He didn't get a chance to say more as the baby awoke. With a yawn, her big, brown eyes opened to see her mother and she immediately began to giggle, her tiny arms reaching toward her.
Yuji all but melted at the scene.
"She's so cute," he cooed, now standing beside and leaning over them so he could make silly faces. He laughed when the baby giggled even more. "What's her name?"
Irene paused. She had been so caught up in her own turmoil that she hadn't thought of a name for her child. "I don't know yet." She held out a finger and her daughter grasped it with surprising strength.
"I'm sure you'll think of something," offered Yuji before going right back to making faces, much to the baby's delight.
Watching the scene playing out before her, Irene couldn't help but give a hopeful smile. He might be a bit too trusting, maybe a bit too hopeful, but Yuji certainly gave off a positive energy that gave her faith.
Maybe, just maybe, she could push through this and learn to be human once again. It wouldn't be easy. Not if these last few months had shown. But now she wouldn't be doing this just for her sake, but for that of her daughter as well.
"Now, what to call you…"
Her daughter, completely oblivious to the life-altering change that had occurred, continued to smile.
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