I no longer cared about anything.
It was about that time. The time where I advanced through to my 2nd year in middle school. My bullying no longer bothered anyone, bystanders, teachers, or grown-ups, they had all grown to accept that my existence and my problems didn't matter to them. And so had I.
Each time they sharpened their fangs against their prey who cowered, frozen in time, I didn't care. The pain registered, I was certain, but all I thought of was when it would end.
Eventually, I dropped out.
People covered their eyes from the failure who dragged his legs against the pavement as he traversed back to his hiding hole. It was completely embarrassing, I can admit that. The animosity their glares held against me like a sharp blade at my neck felt slightly undeserved...but yet again, I didn't care anymore.
Every breath felt like a strenuous task, eating was a hassle, speaking was a hassle, drinking was a hassle, breathing was a hassle...living was...a nightmare.
Nobody stood at my side. My best friend succumbed to the opposing side and completely switched, my parents were dead. I wasn't a person anymore. I was an example of everything I shouldn't be and an example of all regret in this world. All hate flooded in my direction, despicable thoughts mouthed out loud. But they're not to blame. Blame stems from a lack of responsibility, from a person's useless nature i.e. a lack of ability to uphold themselves in the world.
I was to blame for everything.
I remember his last day. That day he came back and smiled at Sato more than ever. He ate the largest meal he had in the past few years and pretended all was normal again. As if all the pieces had repaired themselves, magically slotted back into the place where they had previously been forced out. He sat with her for hours and talked to her openly for the first time since she began taking care of him. Their faces were lit up by the radiant shine of the moonlight on their skin.
Wow...she's so pretty.
For the first time, he truly looked at her. Hazel brown eyes that glowed with hints of yellow, silky long jet-black hair and clear porcelain skin. She was an ideal beauty that accentuated her appearance with her outwardly soft and caring nature that was so maternal giving her an extra layer of appeal.
I hope her image will remain clear as I drift off tomorrow. He thought to himself.
His mind drifted throughout the short stroll he took back to his room that night. I vividly recall how it felt like he was walking back on a path set with thorns that lasted for longer than eternity ever would.
I tried to stop him at the time, forcing nostalgia upon him and also lightly sprinkling in the pain he felt as a foot stop he could hold onto. It was obvious he struggled to maintain his grip and in his heart, he was prepared to let go, however, I could not let him do that.
"You've conquered the hard part, all you have to do now is pull yourself back!" I echoed through his mind like a mindless beast, yet my voice was ignored, utterly submerged under a wave that was oddly calm yet deadly.
In the end, he sat on the side of his bed, my cries now all but a distant echo, a glass of water with multiple pills next to it on his bedside table. From under his pillow, he carefully retrieved an open letter which he proceeded to seal by dampening it with his tongue as the glue. He rested it next to a framed picture of his parents and another one with his carer and fondly looked at the two.
"If only you could stop time like that, forever remain in that precious moment." He whispered to himself bitterly.
He took one last deep breath and picked up the glass in one hand and the pills in the other. His hands shook as he readied himself to end it all.
"Kioshi, do you want some te-!" At that moment Sato entered the room with the intent of offering a nice gesture to stumble upon his suicide attempt. She ran over and smacked the pills and water out of his hand.
"What do you think you are doing!? I knew there was something strange about you today! But why this!?" Her screams snapped him back and her tears gently fell from her face onto his.
"Am I not good enough!? I've tried to support you and tried and I'm sorry if it's not enough but you can't do that!!" Her apology made him feel stupid. It wasn't his intention to make her cry, to force a reaction out of her. In his mind, he thought she only put up with him since it was her job.
"What has been going on with you!!?" She pulled me into a tight embrace as she wailed and all I could do was listen to her cry. I hated that. I hated myself.
A warm fuzzy feeling grew in my chest, something that was missing from me since that night all those years ago. I felt comfortable. So as she requested I filled her in from the very world I shut myself off from.
She listened thoroughly and didn't dare interrupt me. She let me let out the frustration and despair I held.
"Are you sure your okay with this?" She finally asked as I finished.
"Huh?"
"Don't you think your parents would be disappointed in you? All that has happened to you, I'm sure your friends pity you. But I'm also certain they blame you for your fall from grace, your own helpless plummet to the ground from the pedestal you stood up on before. Do you know why? It's because you let this happen. On the basis, you are the one that's being wronged, yet you did nothing to retaliate yet accept it. So don't give up so easily as you did the first time. Life is precious, but only for the deserving ones. The rest of their lives need as much misery as they dealt to be counted as precious, to balance the scale. But truth be told, sometimes punishment isn't enough, it's all decided by the ones who have authority. So tell me this, Kioshi, heir to the Kage name and their riches, are you willing to claim authority through your own hands?"
My eyes twitched and my hands clenched tight. A connection made itself present that day. The one that severed him. The useless Kioshi Kage. It was time to balance the scales as the new Kioshi Kage. It was my turn to be in control, the retribution, Kioshi Kage.