Lucian ★★★
Guilt, is this how you feel? Is this how much you hurt? Does it always feel like a thousand needles pricking at your conscience and stabbing your heart? If this was it, I never want to feel it again. Heartache plus guilt can kill a man faster than sickness because it was certainly killing me. For the four days that I'd been away from her, it felt like hell on earth, death seemed like a lovable option for me. I never actually felt her pain until she tried to reject me, until I saw her kiss Carl. When she spoke, I felt her pain punching me in the stomach, her hate slapping me in the face. I never for once stopped to think my decision through, feel remorse but then I did. I couldn't go to her but I saw her with different unmated males, either laughing, sitting on their laps, touching or kissing them, cuddled up in their arms. I tired, told all my pack members to stay away from her but she is smart, she went for the other packs. Those Alphas and their warriors were still here, following me to plan the annual moon festival, it was going to be held in my pack. They weren't going to leave anytime soon and I couldn't tell them to warn their packs' male to stay away from her, it would be suspicious, but I was at the edge of snapping and not caring, slamming her to a wall and marking her to keep all male away from her. The pain was becoming unbearable for me.
I sighed and closed my laptop, fell my aching head in my hands and whimpered. Images of all the males I had seen her with always flooded my mind whenever I shut my eyes. My heart ripped whenever I saw her, and she was just kissing them, not even sleeping with them. She must have experienced hell watching me have it off with Mabel over and over again, my heart only aches but hers must be shattered. If I could relive the memories over again and over again, feel the endless pain, then hers must be worse. That was why she was bitter, filled with hate. To say the least, I was angry, sad, guilt filled, miserable, fuckstrated and depressed. My wolf was silent, my body was weak, I had no appetite for anything than to push myself to working my ass to complete exhaustion.
What else can you throw at me mother?!
'Alpha?' I raised my head and glared at Jeremy.
'I remember giving an instruction not to be disturbed,'
'I'm sorry, I really need to talk to you about someone important.' I sighed and slouched down in my chair.
'Who?'
'I need your permission to make Carina a member of the pack, I want to officially make her my mate.'
'Why?'
'I'm tired of watching her suffer as a maid when she deserves to be by my side, I love her alpha, I want her to be by my side. Please, accept her into the pack, I beg you.'
'You love her?' I sneered. 'Or you are just lying to me. I already know she's pregnant, you don't need to lie to me.'
'Pregnant? Carina is pregnant? When? How?' He asked quizzically.
'You are unaware?'
'Pregnant? She's pregnant? How come I don't know?!'
'Don't raise your voice at me,' I snapped. He stared at me with wide eyes. Tiana told me, she lied?' Speak about the devil, she walked into the room but not with her devious smirking. She was crying. I stood up immediately, my legs moving on it own to her. 'tiana, what's wrong?' I asked worriedly, stopping myself from holding her.
'It's Carina, she's gone, we were talking and she cried and ran off with a gun, poison and knife, she's going to kill herself.' She cried.
'What! Kill herself?! Why?!' Jeremy shouted.
'I...'
'Tell me,' Jeremy said worriedly, holding her. I fidgeted a little, looking at his hands on her bare shoulders. I closed my eyes and reminded myself not to snarl. 'Is she pregnant?'
'Yes,' Jeremy whimpered.
'My pup, my mate, you have to help me talk to her! Please come with me, she'll listen to you, I beg you.' He begged desperately.
'Okay, carry me?' I snapped my eyes open and stared at them, they were so close. So so so close.
'Alpha,' Jeremy bowed. Tiana jumped on his back, wrapping her legs around his waist. I rolled my neck, swallowing the growl.
Maybe I should follow them just in case something is wrong, I won't be getting in her way.
He ran out of my office, I stayed rooted on the floor, contemplating if I should go. What if she sniffs his hair and fall in love with him? Jeremy is good looking and really nice. Okay, I have to follow them. I ran after him, keeping a safe distance so I won't drag her away from him. He traced her scent deep into the forest, I could feel his wolf threatening to break free. It was either his wolf loved her too, or he was more interested in the pup. Jeremy halted a little bit far from a tree where that friend of tiana's sat, staring at a gun. Jeremy threw Tiana off him, that made me happy because he didn't like her.
'Rina...'
'Don't come any closer or I'll shoot,' she threatened, quickly pointing the gun at her stomach. Jeremy halted, his body shaking with fear. 'Why did you bring him here tiana? I wanted to die alone.' Her face was emotionless, eyes as empty as a hole.
Oh please, just die so I can get on with my life.
Lucian!
Hey! You finally spoke to me!... He went silent again.
'Rina, why do you want to hurt yourself? Why didn't you tell me about our child?'
'Our?' She laughed dryly. 'No, mine, just mine. I'm sure you are happy now, you can finally have a child and throw me away after he or she is born.'
'I will never toss you away, I care about you too much to do that...'
'Liar! You never did and you never will. To you I am your dead mate, a replacement for what you lost!'
Oh, I'm so bored.
'You think I wouldn't find out? Why would you care anyways, you don't feel the same way I do. I rather die than carry your child, bear it and then be separated from him or her. I can't let you take my baby away, I can't let it grow in such horrible state. You will take my baby from me, give it to someone else while I never get to see it again, they will suffer my child for being born by me.'
'No, no one will hurt our child, I promise and I will never deprive you of the joy of motherhood, I will never separate you from it because I want to wake up everyday with you by my side, greet our baby and cuddle your stomach. I want us to parent him or her together, please don't kill yourself.'