[Lillian Romero's POV]
A noble can't even begin to imagine to live like a commoner, like a sheep waiting to be herded. We think ourselves superior, and keep them like pets, away from all the ideas they could create to harm us. Use them as we see fit, throw them when we please.
But if anyone asks me, I'd I am really unfortunate to be born inside a noble house. My greatest sin was to be born a female, I was the firstborn of my parents. I brought nothing but disappointment to them for being born a girl when what they most needed was a boy, to support the Romero house.
Just like commoners are herded like cattle, the nobles were also chained by each other. Always being at each other's throats, aiming for a weakness to take advantage of. Like my parents was, so much chained to even look at their own daughter.
In my childhood, whenever I ran into my parents, there was always a particular 'look' in their eyes, being as little I was, I never knew what it meant. But when I think back at it, I now understand it, it was a look of disappointment, my face reminded them of disappointment they felt when they had me, when they needed a male to be their heir.
As stupid as I was as a child, I never got a hint of that. I always put extra effort in my studies, to get praises from my mother. From combat to politics, there wasn't any subject that I didn't aced. I wasn't talented or anything, it was by pure effort that I was able to keep up with it. But whenever my excellent score got out, my mother always looked at me with pity and sadness in her eyes.
"I wish you were a boy" and "I am sorry to birth you as a girl", is what she always said, as if my existence itself is undesirable for them. I hated that, that look of pity. I wanted them to look at me without a filter, I... I wanted them to look at me like parents.
Due to me being a noble, I never made any friends. I was never taken to a ball or a party because my parents would be ashamed of not having a boy, so I never made an acquaintance too. But one day, the disappointed looks thrown at me became became of apathy. The day my brother was born, I didn't think I have ever seen my parents so happy ever in my life.
That boy became their pride and joy, and I was thrown away by them like a toy they don't want to play with anymore. From that day, I was taught how to aid my brother, the future head of Romero family. The classes about combat and politics changes into scheming and seducing.
I had a guess at that time, that I will always be controlled by my family. But I had hoped that my brother will allow me some freedom. I was horribly wrong.
My little brother always looked down on me, as I was an inferior creature. Influenced by the thoughts and actions of our parents and others, he started believing that I am his servant and born purely to serve him. He got jealous and started to throw a fit every time I gained better marks or defeated him in a spar.
My family couldn't accept a girl being better at house head, they tried may schemes to downplay me, like cutting my classes, or hiring a bad tutor in general. Still, I kept up my hard work, stole some books and always bested my brother by a huge margin. That pampered piece of shit wasn't even close to me in any thing.
Even with so much effort and proof that I was way better than my brother, I just got used as a tool. The one and only choice my wretched family gave me was to marry for the sake of the house. I obviously protested, I hated nobles, there was no way I was going to become kid bearing tool for a random house. My family didn't cared and always hid my talents from others, part of it was because of my asshole brother.
The people around me changed me, me who always hated being downplayed and controlled by others, started finding satisfaction from insulting and controlling others. My obsession for taking control of my own and others life grew to unhealthy limits.
When my parents and house saw I was rebelling and they couldn't control me, they partly threw me out of the house, saying, "If you can't marry for the sake of the house, you'll have to be the representative for the house in Capital". Well, to others this job may sound really great, it is a place of power and importance, but I had to pay a huge price for it.
We weren't the biggest fish in the pond, we were just average Count's house, and with my brother acting as a family head, things were going downhill. And seeing me, an attractive girl as my family representative, I had to make deals with many questionable persuasions. I never got a choice, on one side was to rebel from family and become a fugitive, and on the other, stay in this nasty buisness and act as a noble whore.
I begrudgingly accepted the second choice swallowing my own tears, I never liked men, nor did I liked those people who tried to control me. I always had to pretend to be something I was not. At-least living in the capital did gave me freedom. My family didn't snooped on me or interfered in my buisness.
It was then, my obsession for tormenting young kids started, kids were docile, they gave me that satisfaction, that I am the one in control, I can do whatever I want with his life. I tormented them to relieve my stress and frustration of living the life I don't want. I hated men, so I generally picked males.
But there was a problem. these toys broke pretty easily, some became lifeless dolls just after me playing with them just twice. I just sneered at those weakling that can't even satisfy me. So I had to order many many more, at some point, collecting a stock of kids ready to be played with became my hobby, and playing was my stress release. I got so used to this life that all the moral dilemmas I've ever had was washed away, I became an untamed beast.
Then he came, the boy with the best potential and resolve I have ever seen. No matter how much I tortured him, no matter how much I pushed his limits, he never broke. I was frustrated, with this much torture, any kid of his age will break, but he never did, till the end of every session he still glared at me with those resolved eyes. Frustrated, I tried many ways but still got no results what so ever.
He reminded me of my childhood, the way others were always tormenting me, and I just took it and ate it for breakfast, just because I didn't got any choice. Its the same with this kid, he cant do anything with his power, he is weak, all he can do is grit his teeth and take it all in.
-- -
Time passed as I was thinking about how I came to this point, that night that kid was taken away from me. The attacker saw his potential, and I know, that kid, no his name was Jake I think. He got his chance, the chance which I never got, a chance to break-free.
I am still stuck with my responsibilities, it didn't help that the Third Prince was assassinated in my own room, and the last person to see him was me. I feel I am on the end of my rope, my family will obviously try to dump everything on me.
Even if I am in this situation, I still cant help but think about him, that boy, I wished I could see him after he becomes the person I dreamt to be. The person who got a chance to brake his shackles of fate, a monster.