The moon was so full and beautiful tonight, but it didn't make me feel calm and happy. Today is her wedding day which is none other than someone I love very much, someone I have always been proud of. We have been together for more than six years, but it turned out that fate did not approve of the relationship.
Moreover, his mother never liked me. I'm baffled about what I did wrong. I faithfully accompanied him and waited for him to finish his post-course studies and the harsh reality I got when he finished.
He had been arranged, and he did not dare to refuse the arranged marriage or fight for me. I felt like I was being played and wasting my time in vain. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just an orphan. So his mother looked me in the eye without knowing whom I was or intending to know me further.
I was very disappointed with him, who didn't want to fight for me. And now I question whether he loved me during our six years together. Am I the only one who has that feeling?
***
"Good Morning, Madam." Someone I don't know whom he is addressing me.
I never knew the people around me because my brain was hard to remember—the effects of an accident a few months ago. I can only remember the people who were always there for him and me. But there's no way I can't repay everyone's greeting every time they greet me.
I am currently one of the largest shareholders here, and I will soon acquire this company into mine. Yes, mine! I want to prove to the world that I can be significant. I'm so hurt! And wanted to prove to those who insulted me once. I discovered I was an orphan who never felt my parents' love. And I'm just a person who used to live in an orphanage.
"David, can you help me?"
" Sure, what can I do for You, Boss?"
"Arrange my trip to California! I want to take a vacation. I don't know why my head hurts so much, and I want to breathe in the sea air even for a minute."
"Okay, need me to accompany you?"
" Thank you. I want to be alone."
My chest feels so tight right now. Strange memories always appear, and the dream seems natural. I want to find out what it is. And why did that dream come to my mind? There's something wrong with my past that I don't remember. Or just a flower bed?
***
After traveling about six hours from New York to California, I finally ended up here. Santa Monica Beach is not too crowded this afternoon. I just walked around enjoying the beach sand without intending to do anything else.
I loved the beach atmosphere this afternoon. It's enough to calm me down a little. I plan to cross the island tomorrow morning to Venice Beach via the pier on this beach. It seemed more fun than coming to the amusement park at the other end.
The sea breeze is powerful. Because, it's late? Or is it because I feel lonely? From where I was sitting, I could see two pleased children. They laugh together, and play with sand and water.
It's so happy to be them; there's no burden and nothing to be sad about. They laugh and play. Their commitment is maybe just going to school. Not like other adults. Busy with work, family, and so forth.
This beach offers beauty that can make the heart calm. After settling on the beach, I decided to visit a restaurant not far from the beach. Enjoying some light snacks in the afternoon seems like fun.
I'm sitting here looking out at the vast sea, and if I were a fish, I might not be lonely. Because I'm going to swim with my flock, that's much fun. While enjoying the fresh orange juice in front of me, someone approached me.
"Clara? You came here to see me?"
Shit! What's wrong with living in this world? Why did I get to meet him here? The man who made me so hurt and feel like a meaningless person.
"Oh, you're here too? The world is very small. But your hope that I will catch up with you here is just an illusion. I have work to do here."
"Why does it sound so ridiculous? Whatever it is, I hope you enjoy your time here. If you want to join us, calculate what you can save if you want to walk around here. The plan is that tomorrow we will hire a boat to cross to Venice Beach."
Join you? Don't expect it. I don't want to see you with your wife. And most importantly, I no longer want to deal with men who do not love me.
"Thank you, but I have a busy schedule tomorrow. I still have much work to do. You know my boss won't be happy if I'm negligent in my work. I might not be able to see the sunrise anymore."
"You always do. You always waste your time. If I were you with a boss like that, I'd have been looking elsewhere for a long time. So I can enjoy what life is."
"Unfortunately, I'm not you! I'm pretty loyal to what I have. I will fight for it. It's not like other people never value anything."
I can only smile bitterly when I say that. Suddenly I remembered all the memories with this man. I came here to break from all the stressful thoughts and met this bastard here instead. Am I wrong, God? To the extent that I've flown this far here, I still, meet him.
And the most annoying thing tomorrow is, I don't want to cross to Venice Beach as I planned. I have to think of something else I can do tomorrow.
"Steve, you want to get there sometime. We want to go back to the hotel! Get ready for tomorrow. You're coming. Do you still want two of your wives?"
"Yes, wait!"
I walked toward the cashier without paying attention and paid for my order. I quickly left the restaurant. Walk as far as I can. Stay away from the source of my pain.
Is it God's fault? You're punishing me so profoundly. Did I make such a big mistake in my previous life? How do I make it up to you? What am I supposed to do? Can I be happy even for a moment?
I feel like my fate is not on my side. Hopefully, I won't meet this most annoying human being again while I'm here. Because I didn't come here to see him but to rub my mind about him. I hope it comes true.