LETTER 1. THAT PERIOD

If I hadn't done that, things would've gone differently.

If I could've done this, things would've gone differently.

If I wasn't what I was, things would've gone differently...

...

I Raine, live in regret everyday knowing my discovery of having the "hots" for someone, was special. It was like unlocking a new power up in a video game or going skydiving. I felt light as a feather, drifting with the birds,

to swimming with the fishes, but it was also when I shot myself because of it. I took that feeling for granted, I was an awfully bad manager of my own emotions, beliefs and intuitions. After discovering masterbating in my last half of my middle school life, It mentally distracted myself from real life, it drove me slowly away from reality, but I was a good kid. My teachers adore me, my parents were helpful and I don't like doing anything menacing to society.

My Father is British and my mother is Japanese. I'm born, raised, lived and breathe living in Japan and I still am today, I've never been to any other countries before, not even England because we had financial issues and my father was living in Japan working as a car engineer, but they provided the world to me, gave me all the love and time in the world for their son, so I promised them I will work hard to repay their hardships..

I Promised them that on the same day I got rejected.

Here I am, Me, a 24 year old Japanese-British man, did not know living alone in a 7m2 Apartment, working a middle class income job for an IT Company, with no girlfriend and nothing to look forward to the next day, would make me remember every embarrassing, cringe-worthy and dumbfounded period in my younger life. Despite keeping a good reputation outside of school, my immaturity made me extremely pensive, but it made me the man I am today.

I had a crush on multiple girls. But one of them stands out Miya was an artist, she had a huge fleet of eyes for art, she often does some sketches in the middle of class often when she's bored and I knew this because I had my eyes on her most times, which also explains my ever decrease of school grades during that period. She was the definition of a "Young Woman", stands by her opinions, isn't afraid of expression of any kind, She's also the "Bad girl" type of person. I didn't really expect to do anything with her since well.

I was AFRAID of her..

As a shy kid, I don't mean afraid as in I'm too shy to talk to her and things, but like REALLY afraid of her.. yet she popped my heart out like a succubus devil. She and I don't have that much in common and we didn't had alot of conversations together. We were in the same class in 8th grade, one time we had P.E and I somehow got talking into her group of friends. Did I mention she's really good at English?? I myself also know some English, since my parents grew me up into English, thinking it would be important for me and my future and well I'm grateful for it. She knew that I was half British, so we both told each other Yo Mama jokes while laughing and talking, It was my first but only joyful conversation with her, it was pleasant.. it could've become something else, we could've hung out more as friends, told more jokes and spoke more English, but I just had to let it all go..

talk about how you adapted, learned from past mistakes and be a better person