Six days ago, 22th of August 2016...
How about this? What should I do for my niece? Should I shut up? Should I act? Where do I start? They didn't give me to investigate the case and thought it was a suicide committed by her. They closed the case on the suspicion that she had a mental illness. What can I do? What should I do for my niece, whom I have raised with my efforts?
So much on my mind that I look like a mess and am almost frustrated to live this life.
Life is short, but mine is full of bad things. These bad things just keep coming to me. I'm not allowed to be happy. I can't seem happy and enjoy my life with the people I care about.
I burned my cigarette, staring straight at the still-closed Tjee Academy. This high school will be opened after the summer vacation ends when semester 2 begins. So, I'm standing here just to stare at this school.
This is where Jamilla goes to school. With the money I have, I chose this school on the wish of Jamilla, who wants to have a successful career; get a good campus place so her dreams can be true. I don't deny it will end like this. Her dream, which is to become a surgeon, will never come true. She was dead, dead by suicide.
I gave her the best I could for her, but this world chose a different path. I think she will be happy by sending her to this school, and her dreams will come true. But in reality, she had a mental illness. She has made the misery I've been throwing back again. The grief for the death of her father, who I had thrown away from my life, has now returned because of her death. Isn't that bad? She and her father were terrible.
I give them distance. Is this wrong? If I care too much about them, they will end up in misery. I didn't want to be a man who cared so much that I hugged a cat to death. But because of my mediocre caring attitude, I lost them. As a result, I am now alone. I am lonely. There is no family in my life. I am truly a lone man who can only mourn their death.
"Is it nice to see this closed school?"
I heard a voice, a voice from far away.
I turned to the source of the voice and saw a man dressed as an office worker walking toward me.
Since I was sure he wasn't talking to me, I turned and walked. I left him there.
"Geez, I've been ignored by him."
I heard that, so I assumed he was referring to me. Even so, I kept walking and left him.
***
3:25 pm, in a pub.
"Hey, hey, Mr. Raka. You've finished four bottles today. Are you all right?" A bartender said, looking at my listless face.
"Are you having a problem with this? Or are you taking issue with me being here?"
"No. You know what time it is, don't you? It's not even night yet, but you already... Are you okay? You're not usually like this. It's not like you."
I ignored him, who was cleaning the glasses and stood before me. Then I gulped my drink, but he still kept asking.
"Is there a problem with your mission? I didn't expect this; a great detective like you couldn't complete your mission."
"What's so great?" I responded with a sinister smile and looked down at my small glass.
"Aren't you always able to complete your missions? You even managed to catch a very elusive drug dealer. What's wrong with you? You shouldn't be like this. It's still 3 pm, but you've already started this..."
"Should not?"
"That's not what I mean."
"Then this can be done, right?"
I looked at him, and his face hesitated to respond, and he chose to continue cleaning the glasses.
"The Winston Cocktail, please. Oh, I'll pay for this one next to me."
A male voice sounded beside me. When I turned around, there was already a man wearing an office coat and brown hair.
"You want to pay for my drink?" I asked, then remembered what he had just ordered. "Oh... Well, you can even afford that."
The bartender immediately left, making an order for the man.
"Thank you."
At least I thank him for this. He's the one who decided to treat me, so I have to thank him. I don't care about him being a stranger treating me, even if he has an ulterior motive.
*Sounds of objects shifting!
Something shifted from its place towards mine. It was a business card. He swiped his business card and showed it to me.
I turned to look at him and hadn't had a chance to see his business card.
"What?"
"You need to see that."
Because he ordered, then I saw it.
Andre Siregar, age 28; working in the field of sales and practitioners, the company is kept secret; hobbies, often doing trouble to teenagers; and his phone number. These are what is written there.
After seeing his business card, I turned to him.
"Have you seen that?" He asked.
"What do you mean? Why are you giving this to me?"
"Well, that's my business card."
"I know, but what do you mean?"
"Look, I want to help you."
"Help me? Am I the right person for your help?"
He smiled and laughed a little without turning to look at me.
"Why are you laughing? Is this funny?"
"Excuse me, sir."
The more I looked at his face, I realised something strange about him. I was familiar with his face. He's like I had just met him some time ago.
I remember that; I remember him.
"You were the one then, weren't you?"
"Finally, you remember that. I was the one who wanted to speak to you in front of that school, Tjee Academy."
He was the one who wanted to come to me while I was there.
"Are you following me?" I ask.
"I accidentally met you here."
"You lie?"
"I followed you, sir."
He admits he did follow me all the way here.
"I will report to the police for your actions."
"Aren't you a cop?"
"...Oh..." I was so drunk that I forgot that I was a policeman. "I will arrest you for this act of yours, stalking me."
"If you catch me, I won't be able to help you, sir."
"Really? Do you want to help me? For what?"
Before he responded to my question, I remembered he knew me. He knew that I was a policeman. That's why I didn't let him respond to my question.
"You found out I was a cop? How?"
"Aren't you very well known in the city police? You have a very good reputation for what you gave to the police. That's why I got to know you."
"Is that so?"
"Anyway, how about that?"
"What?"
"Would you like to accept my services?"
"Your?"
He changed the topic, returning to the original topic of conversation that he had brought up earlier.
"You are a stranger, but you want to help me? How can you? What do you want to help me with? You? I don't need you."
"Of course, I can help you."
"Help me?"
"Yeah, you... you're lonely over your niece's death."
I was very surprised and speechless when he discussed this. I was silent for almost 30 seconds.
After calming myself down, I turned to him again and asked with a sharp look, "What do you mean?"
"I know everything. I know everything about you. You are an orphan who was dumped by your parents in an orphanage when you were born. You were adopted by the Armstrong family when you were six. But you had an unfortunate fate. One year after the Armstrong family adopted you, your stepfather and stepmother died in an accident."
"..." I couldn't help but be silent when he found out about me.
"Your stepbrother, Yuda Armstrong, must work hard for him and you. I didn't think he would do that for you, Mr. White. He is your stepbrother, but... He has no intention of abandoning you. He chose to raise you and continue to work hard so you can go to school and your dream of becoming a police officer can come true. He doesn't even care about his girlfriend, who is carrying his daughter. He's like that because of you. You have robbed him of his freedom and life, Mr. Raka White. Even so, he is still happy because have you. Somehow he can be happy to have you by his side. I don't understand his thinking. Look at you! You're just his little stepbrother, but he..."
I was very emotional because he told the story. I want to be angry because he knows that. But what can I do if I am angry with him? I'll just make myself worse. So, I remained silent and glared at him, holding back my emotions and remaining calm.
"You... How did you know that?" I ask.
"I told you, I know everything about you, don't I? Everything you do, I know that."
"What do you want from me?"
I ended up asking this.
"I just want to get you to cooperate. I want to make a deal with you."
"Deal?"
"It's easy, and it's to your advantage."
"What's that?"
"You want to know the cause of your niece's death, don't you?"
Even he knows. Is he a stalker?
He took something out of his coat pocket. He took out a box that had a small shape and was made of silver iron. Then he gave it to me.
"What's this?"
"Blue to come back, red to come back too. But blue will make your body young again, and red to make you who you are. Do you understand?"
I thought about his words. I tried to understand what he was saying, which I thought was a riddle. But in the end, I don't understand this.
"I don't understand."
"Open it! Look what's over there!"
I opened this small box and saw that there were two pills in blue and red colour.
"You can't investigate the case of your niece's death because it's closed, can you? I have a suggestion. How about you investigate it without anyone knowing who you are?"
"How can someone not know who I am? You said I was very popular with the police, didn't you?"
"Seventeen years... you'll be back to when you're 17. Your body will look like you're 17. That way, no one will recognise you. This is a good opportunity, right? You can investigate the case of your niece's death without no one knowing. You'll find the answer to your niece's death. That's great, isn't it? Good deal, right? I helped you."
I thought for a moment, doubting his words.
To be honest, I don't understand what he means. This is so impossible. How can I go back to the way when I was 17? How did it happen? But in the end, I just stared at these two pills alone.
***
Today, in the bathroom...
Anton says these are very dangerous for my body. He knew that the man had only made me his guinea pig. But what are you going to do? No choice for me. I didn't want to die because I couldn't find the cause of Jamilla's death. I'd rather die because of this than do nothing.
I spoke in my mind while staring at the blue pill in my right hand.
This letter...
This is a letter from that person, Andre Siregar. I have to sign this if I take these pills. There's already my stamp on it, so I've agreed to the deal.
Phew...
I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, not to hesitate in this choice I had chosen. When I was calm and full of confidence, I swallowed the blue pill.
Raka White, age 28, a detective, has agreed to participate in a teenage re-experiment and become a guinea pig.
After I swallowed this and it entered my stomach, I wobbled and couldn't control my body's stability. I passed out in the bathroom after trying to stand up.
Jamilla... Jamilla... Your uncle is here, so don't cry... Don't worry. I will always be by your side. Jamilla... Jamilla... I will never leave you. Hang on. I'll be there. Don't go, please. Please do not leave me. Jamilla... I love you so much, so don't leave me...