Jaya
It's been five years. Five years of a life dedicated solely to my patients and the hospital. My parents have given up on me. I do occasionally visit them but it's very exhausting dealing with their constant questions, seeing the disappointment in their eyes when they realise there is no man in my life. My friends are distant blips in some other universe; I just haven't had the time to catch up with them.
When I put it like that it seems sad, but no, life has not been sad. I have saved many young lives, written papers that have been much appreciated by the medical fraternity and been to a very rewarding seminar on nephrology at Vienna. My work has so many challenges, nephrology in itself is complicated and paediatric patients are so much more difficult to treat, it has required an intensity of concentration to excel in this field which has drained me more than I thought.
I looked at the mirror this morning and I was appalled at the gaunt, pale and stressed face that stared back at me. I seem to have lost a lot of weight…I guess the erratic meals, the long hours at the hospital and the lethargy that hits me when I come back from work has not been great for my health. Lately I have been getting frequent excruciating headaches. It dawned on me this morning; I really need to change something in my life. At this rate I will soon burn out and be useless for my patients. My colleagues have all been suggesting I take a holiday. My last leave was when I went to Shillong after Pete's death. I still miss him and I know had he been around, my life would not be so empty. Yes, I still feel the vacuum that he has left. Sometimes, abruptly an extraordinary melancholy hits me. My life seems cheerless and desolate; as bare and arid as a parched desert landscape resulting in an intense urge to just give up and sob into my pillow. But I don't let that feeling hang around, I just immerse myself into my work and eventually it goes away.
I have also lost a lot of my hair. The once long and thick black tresses are now thinning and are speckled with grey. But that's okay, it happens with age. I think I need a haircut. I will go today to the parlour after work and get it cut. What's the use of maintaining this long hair? It takes up too much time to wash and dry, a shorter cut would make my life much easier!
That day after work Jaya went to the saloon and got her haircut. Her stylist insisted that she needed to colour her hair to cover up the greys but Jaya would have nothing of it. She didn't need another monthly chore!
When she came back home she looked at herself in the mirror and was pleased with the transformation. Her shorter hair had taken years off her face, but the stress was still apparent, she would need to do something about that too. For the first time in many months she went into her kitchenette and rustled up some pasta for herself. On the way back home, she had finally, managed to buy some staples for her kitchen. She sat down in front of the television and enjoyed the hot plate of spaghetti while watching the news. After she had finished her meal she switched off the television, there was nothing really engaging to watch.
She felt at a loose end as she was not used to returning home so early from the hospital. She wandered around her flat aimlessly looking at this and that. Her eyes alighted on the wooden eggs she had bought in Mallynnlong. She picked them up. They were so well chiselled and smooth to the touch, the craftsman must have spent a lot of time to get this perfection, she thought. On an impulse she pulled out a long forgotten box from the bottom drawer of her chest and started painting the eggs with geometrical designs. She was engrossed in the intricate designs she was creating that she lost count of time. By the time she had finished, she felt such a sense of achievement, when she looked at the delicate eggs. She felt so content, just like when she had worked at art projects with her mother. She must give time to her hobby more often, she thought, but where was the time?
That night Jaya went to bed relaxed. She slept through the night, not in an exhausted stupor, but in a relaxed peaceful repose. She even managed to get up early, put on her trainers and go for a long walk before heading for the hospital. Everyone at the hospital was thrilled with her haircut, especially the nurses, who complimented her wholeheartedly on her new look.
It was not a particularly stressful day at work. Well, like there are good and bad days for patients, so too for the doctors. After all if the patients were having a good day there were less emergencies for doctors to deal with.
She decided to leave early again and picked up the makings of a salad on her way home. While she was changing the phone rang. The land line rarely rang, most of her calls came on her cell and the hospital too contacted her on her cell. Mostly it was Ravish who rang her on the land line. Initially after going back to Bali he had managed to call her weekly but then they had very little to say to each other, so the calls became less frequent, until about six months back they had stopped altogether.
Yes it was Ravish. Today his voice, filled with exuberance and joy, was not jarring. In fact she was happy to hear from him. He told her he was in Delhi with a friend and would like to come and see her. Jaya told him he was welcome, they could have dinner together. Ravish agreed to be at her place by eight.
Jaya busied herself making the salad and ordered a pizza. She put a long forgotten bottle of red wine in the fridge. Just as the pizza was delivered, Ravish presented himself at her doorstep. Jaya noticed that he looked even more tanned than the last time while his muscles well toned, no doubt a combo of swimming and hitting the gym! His eyes twinkled as he looked at Jaya. She too was happy to see a friendly face, glad to meet a friend who had been close to Pete. They hugged for a long time before they could release each other. It was then that Jaya noticed the petite, tanned, long haired girl standing behind him.
Ravish introduced her as Nikita, his Balinese friend. As they munched on the pizza and caught up on each others' lives, Jaya realised that Nikita was being left out of the conversation. So she asked her what she did in Bali. To Jaya's surprise she was a yoga instructor, and wonders of wonder she taught yoga on surfboards while at sea. Jaya was intrigued she had never heard of such a thing.
Later, before they left, Ravish told Jaya that he and Nikita were headed for Shillong the next day. He wanted to visit the Umgot River at Dawky. A sudden stab of pain flashed across Jaya's face at the memory of that visit. It was fleeting and it passed. Jaya wished them a safe journey and hoped they would enjoy themselves. Ravish assured her they would, he had wanted to go back and get into the crystal clear waters of the Umgot. Their trip would take up a week, but once they were back in Delhi they promised to catch up with her.
Jaya's week was once again very hectic. One emergency after another kept her in a high state of frenzy. By Friday she had a huge headache which refused to abate in spite of the tablets she had gobbled down. While she was reviewing one of her patients in the ward Jaya felt an excruciating jab of pain in her head accompanied with nausea and then darkness enveloped her. She was attended to immediately and managed to regain consciousness soon enough, but a scare had been caused and now she was lying on a bed with monitors hooked up to her. From doctor to patient in a second!
All seemed to be okay with her except that her blood pressure was on the higher side. The headaches must have been a warning of that. Her HOD came to see her and told her in no uncertain terms that she would be on leave for two weeks with immediate effect. Go on a holiday was the refrain all around her.
Saturday morning Jaya went for her run, came back and had a breakfast of omelette and toast. And then she was at a loss. What the hell was she supposed to do? Go on holiday, but where? She didn't want to go on holiday; she wanted to be back in the hospital tending to her patients. Now that she was on the blood pressure medicines all would be well. But no one was listening to her.
In the evening she met Ravish and Nikita at a pub. They both had a wonderful time in Shillong and Ravish could not stop describing his foray into the river. The icy water, the beautifully rounded huge pebbles that dotted the river bed and the fish. Jaya was glad he had enjoyed himself, but she knew she could never go back there, the memories of that trip were just too painful to bear again.
Jaya told them that she had been put on compulsory leave for two weeks and that she was unhappy about it. It was then that Ravish suggested that Jaya go back with them to Bali. Jaya was scandalised, that couldn't happen!
That whole evening Ravish and Nikita spent in convincing Jaya that a short holiday in Bali would do wonders and she could come back refreshed and rejuvenated. Finally on Sunday all three of them caught the flight to Denpasar.
They were picked up at the airport and drove on the toll road towards Sanur. The road was beautiful foraying right into the sea. When they reached their destination Jaya was enamoured by Ravishs' villa. The villa was built with one portion containing two bedrooms with attached baths and separated by a living space with a huge television set in it; adjoining the living room was a small open kitchenette with all the works. A refrigerator, microwave and cooking hob. A small dining table with four chairs stood as a division between the kitchen and living space. The living space was mainly about the television and the rather large leather sofa that invited one to sink into its depths. Just a couple of art works on the walls completed the decor. So masculine, Jaya thought.
The piece de resistance was of course the small swimming pool just outside the living room. A beautiful garden surrounded it with a Buddha statue benignly standing guard over it. A couple of lounge chairs and small seating arrangement for four completed the outdoors.
The next day after a light breakfast of orange juice and a toast Jaya decided to explore. Ravish and Nikita had both left very early for work, so she was on her own. Ravish had given her instructions on how to reach the beach which was just a five minute walk away.
Stepping out onto the road, walking towards the beach, Jaya realised that her whole wardrobe was out of sync with this place. Her trousers and full sleeved shirts, even her walking shoes made her feel overdressed and hot. All around her were men and women in shorts, skimpy tops and flip flops; they looked so comfortable. Her first sight of the deep blue sea left her in awe. It was so peaceful and the water sparkled in the morning sunshine. As she walked onto the jetty she realised that the beach she was on was located in a sort of lagoon, hence no waves. She could watch aircraft coming in for landing over the sea at regular intervals and was amazed to see so many flights landing in Bali. But then she realised it was a tourist hub and a lot of people arrived in Bali every day.
She walked along the path on the beach which was lined with little shacks selling cotton skirts, tops and sarongs. On the other side were eating joints vying with each other for attention. Huge pictures of appetising food stared at her from each one of them, tempting tourists with their sumptuous offerings.
She walked through a couple of resorts and noted the huge chess board with its pieces waiting patiently for someone to come and play a game. Women called out to her offering massages, pedicures and manicures on the beach. She noted that most of the tourists in these resorts were on the older side though a few young couples were visible too. She turned a corner and found herself in front of the 'Rip Curl School of Surf' stall. She realised that this was where Ravish worked. She stood on the beach looking out at sea and zoned in on women on surfboards performing yoga. She smiled, this must be what Nikita does, she thought. The surfboards floated on the calm waters of the bay swaying slightly to the motion of the sea. On an impulse Jaya went to the 'Ripcurl' stall to ask about the stand up paddle yoga lessons and she signed up for six sessions. She was told to be at this same spot the next day at eight in the morning.
By then a motor boat came to the shore and she saw four men getting off it. They were all wearing scuba suits. As they came nearer she recognised one of them as Ravish. He had already seen her and was waving to her. She waved back and waited for him to reach her. After Ravish had changed he joined Jaya on the beach. They sat at one of the food shacks sipping a cold beer. Beer at 10 in the morning, Jaya had shuddered at the thought but who could fight Ravish's insistence? Soon, Nikita too, joined them and they all sat in the shade with a gentle breeze caressing them with its cool touch. One beer led to another and then it was time to order lunch.
On their way back to the villa Nikita insisted that Jaya needed to do some shopping. So while Ravish went back on his motorbike, Nikita and Jaya went off in another direction on her scooter. After an hour they returned to the villa with large bags. Nikita had conned Jaya into buying many more clothes than she had planned on.
The two beers and sea breeze had lulled Jaya into a state of lethargy and since she had nothing better to do she had a nap. In Delhi she could not even dream of such luxury, but here in the laid back town of Bali it seemed such a natural thing to do!
The next day as Jaya headed to the Rip Curl site at Sanur beach, she was more excited than she had ever been. Not one for adventure sports, this was a very daring and uncharacteristic decision on her part. But then she thought what the heck it was just yoga on a board, albeit in the middle of the sea.
JAYA
The first lesson started with a short section on safety issues and how to deal with them. Then all five of us newcomers were familiarised with the equipment. The surf boards were different from the ones used for normal surfing. They definitely looked longer and wider even to my inexperienced eyes. We were taught the basics of sitting down and paddling and then it was time to head out to sea. My heart was thumping away excitedly; the adrenaline was coursing through my veins. I could swim, but I was not very good, what if something happened?
We all carried our boards into the sea and luckily it was extremely calm. The turbulent weather was over, the rains had come and gone and now in the month of March the waters were tranquil. I got onto my board with some difficulty; at one point I thought I was just going to overturn it on my head! Once I had sat myself down it was not so difficult to paddle out. Our progress was slow and Nikita was keeping a watchful eye on each one of us. Internally I sighed with relief when I realised that we were just a few feet away from the shore. So now we had to fold our legs and sit in the lotus position. A lot of laughs and giggles as our boards tilted at many angles, but with time we all got it right without falling into the water once.
Nikita started us with deep breathing exercises. Initially my mind kept wandering hither and thither, the swimmers or the boats coming in and going out would totally distract me and I would lose my concentration, but eventually I gave in to the rhythm of the sea and air and synced my body in total harmony with nature. It took a little time for me to galvanise my body into action for the asanas. We did some very basic ones which did not require much movement and in spite of that we were falling into the sea often. The mood continued to be light and playful and Nikita kept us totally engaged. By the time the class was over and we headed back to the beach I realised that I was feeling physically exhausted and yet mentally totally relaxed. I cannot describe the joy and sense of achievement I felt at that moment, after years and years of the same routine, I had managed to get into something entirely out of the ordinary and new for me. Wow, what a wonderful morning it had been.
After my adventure on the surf board Nikita and Ravish decided it was time to take me out to their favourite restaurant Kayu Manis for dinner. It was a nice place and the tables were full of tourists enjoying themselves. Another friend of Ravish, Jean had joined us. Jean is from France and was running a small cafe in the suburbs of Paris till a couple of years back. When his father died, Jean sold off the place and set out to explore the world. Ostensibly it was to sample the various cuisines of the world. After 3 months of being footloose he came to Bali and fell in love with the place. He decided to stay, but he had no other skills apart from the food business, and he didn't want to tie himself down in that manner, so he became a manager. Sanur has many villas owned by rich Australians, which are leased out to tourists. Jean got together a team of housekeeping staff, a couple of chefs and some utility workers. He started by managing and running two villas but now he has proudly declared that he has 12 villas under his care. Listening to Jean talking about his work and his shift to Bali, makes me wonder how these guys do it. I met a couple of youngsters at the beach who were training to become Scuba instructors, they too had come to Bali and decided to leave their cold British weather behind and stay on. I just can't fathom the thought of leaving everything familiar behind and starting all over again, without any security or support system. Bali seems to be full of this breed; the courageous, daring and audacious men and women who have gambled with everything they had and taken a chance on life.
Jean is quite handsome; he has very kind blue eyes and blonde hair. He is tall, lean and tanned, just like everyone here. Of course he is flirting like a pro with me and though I am enchanted, I am not ready, yet, for any type of relationship, even a short term one.
During dinner Jean mentioned about Bali Kids Eran Svigos Clinic. It is basically run for orphans. Their mobile medical van visits various villages and orphanages to provide basic medical care and they bring back with them any children in need for hospitalization. I think I will visit this clinic before I leave. But tomorrow I have planned a treat for myself I will be going for a traditional Balinese Massage at Leha Leha Spa. Really looking forward to that, have never been to a spa before. So many firsts on this trip!
This evening is turning out so great. I love listening to my friends talk. The easy chatter and the gentle tinkle of laughter. The atmosphere is sublime and though the food not so great, I am enjoying myself. I could get used to this life. Relaxed SUP yoga in the mornings, beer and lunch followed by a siesta. An invigorating evening swim and then dinner with friends, filled with an easy camaraderie. No, after some time I would yearn for the satisfaction of my work. No, it could not work. I am sure it wouldn't. After all I am a highly qualified doctor and I would be wasting my time. NO, no, no.
A day before she had to leave, Jaya was relaxing on a deck chair on the beach. A very big wave hit the beach; no one is sure what happened. There were no other casualties except damage to some of the shacks and the odd tables and chairs that the wave had carried away while retreating, but Jaya has not been found till now and it has been two years.
A couple of days after Jaya went missing; Ravish had finally called her father to inform him. Her father was nonchalant and told Ravish that Jaya had changed her ticket and delayed her return to Delhi indefinitely. He was convinced there was nothing to worry about; she had informed her parents she wanted to explore the country more. Ravish was stunned. Had Jaya really changed her bookings? Two months later he called again and they assured him that Jaya was safe and travelling in Indonesia.
There were vague rumours floating around of an Indian woman working in the remote areas of Indonesia. Once, Ravish went to a village near Aceh where this woman had reportedly been seen. He could not meet her, she had moved on and no one knew where she had gone, but the description he got of her, made him smile. She was basically tending to the sick and addressing hygiene issues. It was possible, though, no one had recognized her from the photo he had taken with him, but it was possible.
The setting sun at the beach often reminds Ravish of Jaya. He wonders what happened to her. Then a small satisfied smile crosses his lips; the proper, quiet and dependable Jaya got away. She managed to leave behind, her stressful existence, and found her salvation. Whichever way you looked at it, it was a great escape! He raises his glass in cheers to her, saluting her wherever she may be under the setting sun.