Of course not all of them where like that, although it did sadden me that some of my cousins would act like that to other girls.
I made myself a group of friends, one's i felt comfortable with. They weren't on the extremes but nor where they in the middle, they where just themselves.
And I liked it, they didn't make me feel weird for not wanting to dress up nor did I feel uncomfortable around them because of their conversations.
By that time all that kept me afloat was boxing and this group of friends.
Yes boxing when I was 6 my brother begged my parents to be signed into a boxing club and they only put up one rule "alright you can go but your sister goes with you, and you better take care of her"
Boxing, during my teenage years, helped me gain back the confidence I had lost with all the changes around me. I could let out all I'd kept in or just forget everything else for a while!
But of course nothing is ever that perfect and by my third year of highschool, when things finally felt stable, my group of friends told me very clearly they wanted me nowhere near them.
This terrified me, had they too changed? Or was I the one who no longer fit in?!
Had our friendship meant nothing for them to throw it away like it was nothing???
I never got to know and I feel no regret for it, although it did make me crumble at the time. Boxing was no longer good for me, I had been slowly closing up around myself, pushing away the world around me.
So my parents gave me an ultimatum, told me I needed to get back in control of my life and sorround myself of good friends that would care and protect me. So like they'd done with my brother they forced me to pick a team sport, rugby in my case...
I soon joined this hole new environment and if there's something I don't regret, it's deciding on rugby.
I did stress out in a begining like a lot but they just welcomed me and cared even though they new nothing "We're teammates that's reason enough for me to care and protect you, that's how it works around here so get used to it"
After a few years I even got to tell that frase to our newcomers, we were a family and I soon found something else to hold on to. I found my purpose to be keeping this family together, because of course there where fights and misunderstandings!
I earned myself the title as the mom of the team, I would be the one to ground you but I'd also run to check on the smallest scratch you could get.
It felt refreshing, I found out on that field it didn't matter who you where we where a family. So even if you where an idiot who had made dumb decisions we would take you in and help with all we could, you where a part of this family and as such under our protection!
Didn't matter how different everyone was from one another, we where together. No need to stand near the middle!