Have you ever taken the time to express your gratitude to your mother after she makes you breakfast? Or when a friend listens to your troubles without ever raising a complaint? Perhaps when your significant other goes out of their way to try and put a smile on your face? Maybe even when a stranger tries to offer you advice because they've been there, done that?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, even just a single one then congratulations. That's far more than I can say I've ever done.
As I sit down on the field of grass by the riverbank reflecting on the past 5 years I realize how much I took for granted. Only now that it's too late do I truly understand what I've lost. I recall all of them, the people most precious to me as I let a wave of regret wash over me. I begin to reminisce, "I wish I told ____ how much I love her and how much I truly did appreciate all the effort she put in to make me happy." " I should've taken the time to thank ____ for always listening to my troubles without raising a single word of dissatisfaction." "Most importantly…" tears begin to flow uncontrollably down my face as I slowly raise the gun to my head and look straight at the sky. " I'm sorry ____; I'm so sorry for all the things I never got to tell you, for all the gratitude I felt but never expressed to you, for always being so damn selfish and making you work harder in turn, for not noticing how exhausted you were until it was too late, and for not realizing that you were the most important person in the world to me." " I'm sorry I took your life for granted…" If I could turn back the clock and do it all over, even just changing one decision would be enough…. "I should've listened to ____'s advice." If I had then I would still have all of them by my side and I wouldn't be in this situation now. "You're a strong person ____, you lived like this for god knows how long but you always looked at the bright side and lived strong. There's a saying, "you don't know what you have until it's gone". And now as someone that's lost everything including my will to live, I can certainly say I was such a goddamned fool and I should've treasured them more. I dry my tears and put my finger on the trigger as I close my eyes. I take a deep breath in and look straight ahead as I whisper the words I should have said long long ago.
" Thank you for everything"
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(BANG)
A loud sound ripples through the air.
And with that my worthless life, now filled with nothing but regret.
Comes to an end…