Dishu is the little girl they looked at who they thinks she's old age and she's only sixteen.

She looks at her body and sees it as fragile and weak, barely holding her soul, she looks at the wrinkles of her face to see an old ninety-year-old.

Dishu was a friend of the unfriendly, she touched them with words of Hope, while she was the most miserable and outgoing of them, she scattered kind words everywhere she was.

Dishu was also the one who did not feel her presences but feel their presence, Dishu was a person of constant exchange, dreaming of being someone always to someone.

A few days ago, she looked in her mirror, and she found a bit of a stranger, and as soon as she looked, she found that stranger was her!- Oh, my god. - what happened to me! (Dishu said out loud)

Why am i like this,

And how?She asked herself.

But all she remember is one sad day, from one blink of an eye to another, Dishu remember being let down by his best friend, parents ' constant squabbling, she remember his mother calling her an ugly face, fu*k my mother making fun of me!( what she said in her heart)

When her heart bled from pain, she could only smile at her, she does not know how much Dishu hated herself, her face, her body, She hate everything that represents her, and and Dishu desire to commit suicide began to increase day by day, and as soon as she returned to her consciousness and she was in front of the mirror,

DOWN

She cried with a low voice and her words still resonate in her mind, I wiped her tears, and then she found that innocent child in the looks of her heart that reddened from crying, and went and grabbed her phone and looked at the camera until she found a very ugly person, really this is me! Or am I that ugly girl!

I would commit suicide,(Dishu ask her self)

(Maybe not now but really I'll do it someday.

I am still small to endure all those difficulties on my own, weak to endure that huge amount of letdown that my heart contains, fragile unable to carry my body, scattered, lifeless body, watching the possibility and people, and roads with an empty eye, the bitter reality smacks me every night,)

She hate that face that SHE see in the mirror, she hate that trembling tone she wanted someone to lift her out of this world of misery and darkness, every time she try to go out she see the road closed and covered in darkness, Dishu do n't know where the way out! And where's the path to happiness they're talking about! Lost among all that.

But she said she is trying.

EXIST

Her mind went astray, and found herself remembering events that went on for many years.

She remembered his favorite person and the roads they used to walk.she remembered his best friend who no longer exists.

she remember letting down her family, relatives and friends, the situations she went through, and she didn't find anyone to carry her fees with. SHE remembered her failure, weakness, loss of passion for everything،

And that ugly face that she hate to look at, and those bad features and the pallor of her face, and the tone of her voice.

LEFT

She remembered everything, and as soon as she paid attention and found herself alone, tears were pouring down her face.

Every time something ends up leaving behind some of its remains, those details that she cannot forget, those words that still cling to her (our) minds،

The words of farewell that the owners are gone and she lived on her memories, and always wonder why everyone left her And the answer is the same every time: maybe (I'm an unwanted person among his friends and family and relatives)even the roads she take and all the places she go, her room where she used to cry no longer recognizes her existence, her cup of coffee.

WHEN WILL SHE GO

Dishu look at her exhausted, her pallor, her black halos, her bulging eyes, her dilapidated body, and the loss of her passion for all the things that she was determined to achieve, and she only get full of burning tears, and touch her hand on her scattered strands of hair, and embrace her pillow, and sleep, and ask herself

"When will this all end, my God?" She just wish she could end up de*d

Dishu wish it would be my last night here among her sorrows and world filled with debris, she wish she could leave this damn world, as she think the world is a place that no longer suits her, (I do not belong her at all)

(When Will I go to my eternal settlement?)

When? God?!

Dishu said she has not meet his favourites people's yet, yet she believed that there are people who inhabit her heart, love for them makes her remember every moment of peoples that close path in her life.

REMEMBER

She still remember all details, maybe i don't remember the days, but I remember its people and its people, no wonder they passed the passage of passers-by on my heart, they passed as if they did not walk on the ground but walked on her heart, their steps are still engraved in this foolish heart, she feel that the,Here on the left of my chest

Dishu ask herself When Will I forget their memory and live her life instead of burning her heart every night

she was fighting not to cry about being left down.

Until the grief took its toll on her heart, she cried over the pin.

THOUGHTS

Dishu pen has not dried yet, the pages of her book are not finished, her sleep has not stopped, no one has heard her , she have not finished writing, have not done anything in years, the intensity of thinking about things that have gone on has not ended, Dishu thinks that no one has understood her, no one has tried her, nothing has ended and nothing will begin, her life will be so bad and maybe it will get worse one day, she do not want much,she only want her mind to calm down and be at peace again.

Dishu feel the weight of her words towards her friends, how she feel as an unwanted person anywhere,she said she did not have that person she ever dreamed of, did not have loyal friends, all periods,grieve deeply and she did not find anyone to console her she insult her grief, every time

( I go to them full of the weight of Why am I always alone I hate that life,) Dishu hate her life,she hate everything about herself,she hate her weight, shape,height, qualities, she hates everything, really hate everything, Dishu don't want to live that life, it's an unfair life, it's stolen everything from her.

ALONE

Dishu said she was good after a hundred holes in her heart, after a hundred stabs from people, after letting her down after every letdown from years ago, after years of fighting flashbacks, after a thousand pains and a thousand disappointments, she don't want to burden anyone she want to be in an isolated room

So Dishu closed her eyes and

opened her eyes to find herself alone

And tears poured into her eyes,

she knew she was alone and would be alone.

No one would

Dishu thought of reading or writing something to find a solution to every dilemma that occurs to her,.

Dishu write that her soul is recovering quietly, she became content with her self-existence in his life, she became the pain of her diaspora on her own, when her hand trembles she embrace it with another hand, I

pour all her feelings on a papers, she wrote also that she became a friend of the mirror; whenever she wanted something she went to her and addressed her about in order not to endure the result of disappointments again, she have become, look at herself left down.

Why did I end up here?

Why do I forget everything that happens to me and remember only the deadly things. My thoughts have consumed me.

RECOVER AND FEAR

Dishu just want to recover from herself.

It was me and and you, it was me who loved you and gave you a part of my soul, and you were depressing my hopes, breaking my heart.

When the first time I felt that I had a heart, I left you a big room in my heart, I sat in it, I tied you with the restraints of love; for fear of everyone, I kept you inside my eyes, I always run away from everyone for fear that someone would glimpse her inside her eyes, she is afraid to mention names of any passer-by passed and left her hand, she really feel like something is going on inside her heart, feel like her heart has been amputated part of it!

I no longer turn behind me, everything in the past I buried, I look in front of me, only my future, my past world has become a mirage, I will illuminate my new world, I will need no one in it, I will continue to shine on my own.

You know that I do not want to write with my pen again,

A present is passing, a future is going to pass, I don't know why all that fear is! I feel that the darkness of the whole night lies in my heart, I feel like I fall every night in a dark cave, and I wake up and I don't know where I am and I don't remember what happened to me last night, I don't know why my hands are constantly shaking and where my words go when talking, and why my mind is always absent! I don't know what happens to me this time, I wish my mind would calm down, I wish the broken part of me would come back, every day I feel like someone else, someone other than the one I used to, something strange happens to me every night, that face I see in the mirror is not me! But who's that girl! DISHU ASK HERSELF.

(And how did you steal me from my world to her world I look for me among my family, relatives, and friends, but my attempts fail and I cannot find Myself)

Light

Dishu described and turns off her lights and remain with the streets, those streets that are quite similar to her life; it was not inhabited by passing only at the time of its flowering in the morning and light and beauty, you find some so-called friends, but when its light goes out thank you for spending most of your time by my side, thank you for listening to the annoying melodies that my friends and relatives flee from, and I love your bright stars that increase the beauty of my dark world.

)NB:Am not a writer and i dont practice any writing

but i love writing my thoughts

Thank you)