Panic.
Confusion.
Fury.
No words could come close to what I feel right now.
(Why did she run away?)
Carrying Nikita into the car, I settled her feverish unconscious body properly in the passenger seat.
(What was she talking with Mr. Connor about that made her this unhinged?!)
Racing to the driver's seat, I called Mr. Connor to say that I found Nikita at the abandoned church.
(I know Nikita made Mr. Connor promise to keep their discussion a secret but still!)
Mr. Connor instructed me to bring her to St. Jude's Hospital.
(Why would Nikita keep a secret from me?!)
Not giving a damn about a stupid speeding ticket, I drove like a madman on my way to the hospital.
(What is it that she doesn't want me to know?)
The heavy downpour was cruel to me as driving in this condition proved to be dangerous.
"Like hell, I'll risk Nikita!" I shouted as slowly drove in a safer speed.
(Nikita please, baby... wake up!)
The thought of seeing that neon cross on the side of the building being my salvation never crossed my mind, until now...
(If you were going through something, you could have just called me?!)
Repeatedly honking my car horn, I was a few meters away from the emergency entrance with Mr. Connor on standby.
(My last text was me informing you I'd be busy today.)
Not giving a damn, I rushed towards the passenger seat and carried Nikita as Mr. Connor handed my keys to Soren as Pierre was signaling doctors to get ready.
(I was planning to tell you a few months after that I was training to protect you!)
"Please settle down the patient here." said some night-shift resident.
Gently putting Nikita down, I was instructed to back up and give them space.
(I was training for you!)
Pierre, Soren, and Mr. Connor were discussing yet my silver eyes made sure to never leave Nikita.
A bunch of doctors and nurses were running in and out of Nikita's bed space with antiseptics and bandages.
A nurse passed by, whispering to his fellow staff, "Her fever's not going down. Must be Tetanus."
Panic had my body wanting to rush toward her, but I was held by Mr. Connor and my uncles.
Soren said, "Let the doctors do their thing." then I hear Nikita's high-pitched pained scream.
(I was just training with my uncles on how to be a better fighter to protect you!)
Another resident rumbled, "The veins on the back of her hands easily rupture. You have to be more gentle."
"Ansel! Help...!" Hearing her pain-filled plea for me had me barging through the crowd as I hurried to her side.
(I wanted to be a better man for you!)
"I'm here, baby. I'm here." Then I kissed her forehead as a doctor instructed me to calm her down.
"It hurts. The back of my hand hurts..." Nikita weakly pleaded for the doctors to let her rest before they try to put the IV drip on her again.
(I'm doing everything to be a better man for you!)
"We have to put the IV on her soon. She's lost a lot of blood and her body might-" the doctor shuts up as Nikita started convulsing.
Holding her down, I held her left hand down, trying to calm her down.
Stroking her forearm as I pinned Nikita's body down with my upper body, the resident was finally able to put the IV drip on her as I was instructed to step aside.
I was about to step further away when I noticed Nikita's bloody right hand was tightly gripping my left calloused hand.
"Prepare her room. We're almost done patching up visible injuries." said one of the doctors.
I saw one of the doctors talking to Mr. Connor and my uncles about Nikita's condition.
Seeing the worry on my face, one of the residents explained to me that Nikita will need to stay for a while for observations and more tests.
(What happened, Cinnya-bun? Please wake up.)
Informing the doctor next to me about Nikita's hand, I was told to stand near the headboard as multiple doctors were cleaning and tending to her wounds while one of them was administering the Tetanus shot.
As much as I hate the doctors continuously cutting up her pants and sleeves to have more access to her other wounds, I saw the old scars of the cuts as two doctors turned up her wrists.
Exchanging looks with their fellow doctors, they can already deduce that Nikita has a troubled history as one of them is taking notes of the observations.
The aforementioned note-taking doctor rushed towards Mr. Connor and my uncles, shock written all over their faces.
Feeling all three adults were looking at me, I had no care for anything else.
All I want is for Nikita to get better.
Feeling her grip loosening up, I called attention to the nearby doctor about Nikita's slowly relaxing.
"We will be relocating the patient to her room now." said the doctor as I was doing my best to follow Nikita's unconscious body out of the emergency room.
One of the residents was pushing Nikita's bed as we passed by the in-house chapel near the elevator.
"We need to have her undergo CT scan and X-ray before we bring her to her room." said the middle-aged male doctor next to Mr. Connor.
"Do what it takes to save Ms. Nikita." Mr. Connor informed the attending physicians about his decision.
Stroking my thumb on Nikita's hand, the elevator dinged open and her bed is slowly pushed inwards.
Mr. Connor ride in first while two residents stepped into the elevator.
Her hand slipped off of mine as I was instructed to ride the next elevator.
"I'll update you about Ms. Nikita, I promise." Mr. Connor reassured me.
Nodding, the last I saw was Nikita's unconscious body as the elevator doors closed shut.
(Please come back to me. Baby, I'm begging you. Come back to me, Nikita.)
"Get Ansel home to clean up then come back here. Knowing Nikita, she'd want Ansel to be the first person she sees when she wakes up." Pierre instructed Soren as my bloodshot silver eyes remained stunned and practically listless with the unfortunate turn of events.
Holding the back of my neck, Pierre tried to soothe me with, "With all of her symptoms, Nikita needs to stay here for some time for observations. She's going to get through this. She's stronger than she looks. Okay? You can come back here as soon as you finished cleaning up.'
Mindlessly nodding, feeling depleted, Soren escorted me out to my car and had me sit in the passenger seat.
My calloused hands clumsily tried to put on the seatbelt as Soren already settled into the driver's seat, after he puts on his seatbelt seamlessly.
Helping me with my seatbelt, Soren reassured me, "She'll wake up, Ansel. just pray for her speedy recovery, okay? You have to be strong for her."
(How can you expect me to be strong, when seeing Nikita like that left me weak and worthless?!)
With that Soren ignited the engine as we drove back him in silence.
The drive back home had left a heavy tension floating in the car.
When we arrived home, I ran towards the bathroom for a quick shower.
Not even noticing the worried look on my grandparents' faces.
(Please... baby come back... I'll do anything. Just wake up, okay?)
Feeling the scorching waters from the shower helped relieved some tension in my shoulders as I let myself succumb to this moment.
A muffled, "Ansel, dearie? Are you alright?" was heard from my grandmother on the other side of the bathroom door.
"Yeah! I'm just about to finish showering. I'll be out soon!" I informed her. Bless my grandmother's heart, I didn't want to worry her even further. Mother is grandmother's lifetime supplier of migraines after all.
Turning off the shower, I put on the bathrobe and was greeted by a very worried set of grandparents outside the bathroom door.
"Ansel dearie, have you eaten?" Grandma expressed her concern as she took a small towel and signaled me to lean forward to let her dry my hair.
"Not yet, Grandma. I have to rush back to St. Jude's. Nikita might start panicking if she woke up without me by her side. Nikita has an anxious attachment, like you. So you know what it's like when you don't see Grandpa every now and then." I politely informed Grandma as she finished drying my hair.
"As difficult it is, I would urge you to eat enough before you head back. I know personally how you want to rush back to Nikita. I would too if it were your Grandma." Grandpa gave me a knowing grip on my shoulder before he placed a kiss on top of Grandma's head.
"88 and still a Casanova. Now's not the right time to flirt in front of your only grandchild!?" Grandma reprimanded Grandpa as she gave him a playful smack on the arm.
A smile suddenly graced my face as I mentioned to my grandparents that I'm going to dress up and pack some clothes to stay at the hospital.
Heading back down to join everyone for supper, I placed my bag on the floor as I settled down on my chair.
Looking at my grandparents' way of love, I know that they are the reason why I believe that true love exists.
Wanting that kind of life with Nikita, I asked my grandparents,
"What can I do to be a better man for her?"