I was full of nerves, pacing up and down my room. I had tried everything, taking a warm shower every few hours, drawing to take my mind off things but nothing worked. Anytime I tried to draw I ended up drawing long limbed black creatures with blood coated teeth. I was absolutely terrified of stepping a foot out of my room , my curtains were kept shut every second of the day and I could barely give a fuck about all the classes I was missing.
I jolted as a knock sounded against the front door. My pulse increased as I watched the door without moving. Another knock sounded.
I slowly stood and stalked towards the door. I sucked in a breath and swung it open. I scowled in annoyance as I stood facing Castiel in all his irritating glory.
"What is it?" I asked, not letting him in. "Where's Abby?"
Abby had barely been in the room lately, just coming back in the middle of the night to pick up something from her drawer and slipping back out the door minutes later. But I couldn't exactly be upset about that, I needed to figure out what was going on and what the hell that thing was.
"She's busy, now excuse me"
He brushed past before I could even have a chance to stop him. I huffed, ignoring the way my skin tingled where he brushed against me . I shut the door, turning around to glare at him.
"What do you want?" I mirrored his pose, folding my arms over my chest.
"You haven't been replying my texts"
I was an inch away from being unable to hide my surprise. Well yes, I had been ignoring his texts for practice but I didn't expect him to have a problem with it.
"If you aren't aware I can do whatever I want with my phone"
He sighed and tugged his hoodie over his head, tossing the thick material on my bed then sitting right next to it. The contrast was notable, his black hair, clothes and tattoos clashing against my beige and flowery bedspread and duvet.
His eyes slowly trailed over my entire form, leaving a path of heat in it's wake, from the tip of my messy bun down to the oversized T shirt I wore that fell at my thighs and then to the very end of my painted toes.
"Are you okay?" His question startled me.
"What?"
"You're skipping your classes, which you never do. You do not want to practice with me and then you're looking like you haven't slept in days" His eyes were on everything but me now , betraying his usually confident self. I knew without a doubt that Castiel felt extremely uncomfortable having this conversation.
He sighed and stood, pacing now. "I am quite aware that you hate me, but I didn't know it was to this extent. You do not need to skip class because you don't wish to see me."
My stomach flipped. Is that what he thought this was?...he thought I hated him.
He sat back down as he run a hand through his thick silky hair, his jaw hard.
"I don't -" I halted in my tracks, stopping myself from admitting I didn't hate him. "I'm not doing it because I hate you Castiel, I was fucking attacked. Attacked by some creature I know damn well you and your family know about "
"Attacked?" His brows furrowed as his eyes roamed me once more, as though he was checking for any injuries. The thought that he was checking if I was fine got my skin reddening under his searching stare.
I sighed in frustration, fatigue weighing down on my shoulders. I was so fucking sick and tired of being lied to and kept in the dark by these people. I stomped forward till I was right in front of him, snatching my ipad from my bed top.
"I was attacked by this and don't you dare lie to me that you don't know what this is" I shoved one of my drawings right into his face. " What the hell is this Castiel? Some kind of mutant?, what even are you?, some kind of FBI for monsters?"
His eyes hardened as he watched the screen.
"And why would you think I have anything to do with whatever this is?" His eyes snapped up to mine.
I drew in a deep fortifying breath, trying to reign in my quickly rising temper. The lack of sleep and paranoia from the last few days were making that task practically impossible. My chest practically throbbed with the need to scream at something.
I gently placed my ipad down , stopping myself from throwing it out the window. I dipped until I was on eye level with him.
"Because your fucking brother was there, and he was holding a dagger that looked right out of a fantasy movie. And he threatened to kill me himself before this bloody monster came out of those stupid woods" I said through gritted teeth.
He blinked as he digested what I just said.
"Which of my brothers?" His voice went deadly.
I was surprised that he didn't already know about this. I was snapped out of my reeling thoughts as a rattling sound filled me ears. I turned my head to find a glass cup that sat on one of the drawers quivering on it's own. It stopped just as soon as I turned to watch it.
I tuned back to Castiel, wondering if I was hallucinating at this point. "It doesn't matter"
I stood straight, looking down at Castiel sitting on my bed before me. His body heat found a way to wind it's way into my shirt to warm my skin beneath. He looked up at me through his long lashes and a chill went down my spine as a brief image of him peering up at me from between my thighs flashed through my rotting mind.
He stood abruptly, reminding me just exactly how tall he was. "He threatened you, I think that matters"
"It matters alright, but just not to you does it?" The words rushed out before I could even stop them. I froze as he took a step forward, forcing me to crane my neck up even higher.
I didn't know what I was expecting but a flare of disappointment filled my chest when he stepped back, his jaw clenching and unclenching.
He begun pacing once more. "Are you hurt?"
"By what? The monster or your brother because at this point there's barely a difference between your family and what I saw"
My heart skipped as his head snapped to me the moments the words left my mouth. I watched as he turned from the somewhat caring Castiel from minutes ago to the cold heartless one that seemed to find pleasure in making me upset. The side he said I hated.
Maybe I did hate that side.
Just that side.
"I can't guarantee there's a difference" His voice was a low growl.
"Should I be scared?" I wrapped my arms around my torso.
He just stared at me and I stared right back, refusing to back off.
"Dress up, we're going for practice" He finally broke the silence.
I grit my teeth, turning away from him so he wouldn't realize just how much this whole thing got to me. He wanted practice? Fine. I rummaged through my drawer trying to find something to wear, ignoring his stare that bore against my back.
I pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a clean shirt, turning to him.
"Can you excuse me so I dress?"
"What's stopping you from changing in front me?" He folded his arms "Shy?"
I narrowed my eyes at him, half of me wanting to prove him wrong and half of me wanting to ignore his taunt.
I took a step towards him, tossing the clothes over his shoulder.
"Since you want a show be my guest" I said, pulling the shirt off my heated body in a single move, leaving me in my conveniently matching nude set.
I would think he had turned to stone if it wasn't for the steady rise of his broad chest. His eyes hardened as they stayed glued on mine never wavering to glance downwards. I may not have the best experience when it came to sexual relations but I was no prude and I was more than comfortable in my body. I reached forward to grab the shirt from his stiff form, my finger lightly stroking over his shirt clad skin.
His jaw twitched upon the contact. I pulled the shirt over my head, briefly unable to see if his eyes were on my exposed body or not. But I didn't need to see it. I felt it. I felt the sudden rush of fire that licked against my skin, I felt my core tightening in response to his heated gaze. My nipples pebbled, pressing against the inside of my lace bralette as a small sharp inhale reached my ears.
Once the shirt covered my upper body I opened my eyes that I didn't even realize I had closed. Castiel stood a step further away from me , his eyes on mine. Maybe I had imagined the feel of his eyes on me. He held out the pair of sweatpants to me, finally looking away.
I pulled them on, "Did you enjoy the show sicko?"
"What's there to enjoy when I've watched similar shows millions of times" His eyes met mine once more. "And even better ones"
I turned away , suddenly feeling disgusted by him. I pushed the bathroom door open with more force than I should , the door loudly banging against the wall. I stood in front of the mirror, tugging my scrunchy out of my hair and grabbing my brush to tame my tangled mane.
I violently pulled at my hair with the brush, my scalp protesting against the pain. Of course he was a fucking man whore. With looks like that he could have any girl he wanted.
Tug.
Was he with someone?
Tug.
Does he fuck someone different every night?
Tug.
What the fuck does he mean by better?
I slammed the brush on the counter top in frustration. Frustration because my hair wasn't cooperating not because of anything else, or anyone. I closed my eyes, massaging my temples as a brewing headache forming behind my eyes.
"Are you always this volatile?" His voice came from the opened door of the bathroom.
"Get out" I hissed, turning to him to find him leaning against the door frame, his arms folded over his chest.
He cocked a brow, a small smile quirking his lips up, looking more than amused. This expression was foreign to me , a refreshing change from his usual scowling or glaring or growling. This tiny smile was more than enough proof that this was the other side of Castiel that occasionally peeked out...the side that got groceries because I didn't eat much. I missed this side of him but I made no move to have too much hope. As much as he claimed I was volatile, his mood swings made my head fucking spin, he was ten times worse and I only switched up when he did.
I watched him wordlessly as he walked into the bathroom, standing right behind me in front of the mirror. He was close but still kept a reasonable much needed distance between his front and my back. My brows furrowed as I watched him pick up the brush from the counter.
I gripped the edge of the counter to stop myself from jerking when his fingers sank into my hair. He gently untangled all the knots from my hair section by section, softly stroking my sensitive scalp from when I had pulled too hard earlier. I couldn't bring myself to look away from his face of concentration as he brushed my hair with care I never expected him to possess.
He kept one hand on my scalp as he put the brush down with the other once he was done. My pulse quickened when his eyes met mine through the mirror. He wrapped my hair around his hand once, securing his grip in my hair and tilting my head back so my throat was exposed.
I swallowed.
His eyes followed the movement of my throat.
He inched forward, close enough to feel his body heat sink into my bones but not enough for body contact, anymore movement would send my ass pressing into his crotch. He dipped his mouth to my ear, trailing the tip of his nose against it's shell. Goodness gracious I was going to combust.
"Are you scared?" He whispered and I had a feeling it was a referral of our earlier conversation. My eyes fluttered close and I swallowed again. If he wanted to kill me right now he would ....but he wouldn't. He has had a thousand chances to kill me but he hasn't. It was there I realized that in our twisted relation with each other, a small part of me had grown to trust him.
"No" I whispered back.
"Why?"
"I don't know" I admitted.
My knees nearly buckled as I felt the phantom presence of his lips trail over the curve of my neck. I gripped the counter harder. It took me everything not to press back into him.
"I hate that you're caught up in things that you shouldn't be caught up in....and I apologize. But I'll make sure you're never harmed by any living thing that roams this earth. Whether from my family or from the woods, I swear" His words were said in a harsh hoarse whisper that ignited me from inside out.
My eyes snapped open, meeting his.
It was better to keep my eyes closed because now seeing how fucking erotic we looked in the mirror got me pressing my thighs together in a futile attempt to relieve the ever building pressure.
"Alright" I whispered.
He released a breath and stepped away from me, standing straight. He put his hands in the hair once more and parted it into two sections. I watched silently as he manipulated my hair into something I quickly realized were a pair of loose french braids.
"Where did you learn how to braid?" I found myself asking, ignoring the small voice that told me he did this for all the girls he bedded.
He cleared his throat, "I used to braid my sister's hair"
"Why'd you stop?" I blurted before remembering that Abby mentioned that his mom and sister were no more. Fuck.
Please don't get cold , please don't get cold, please don't get cold.
He halted, his eyes raising to meet mine. I watched as his walls slammed back up, switching back to cold Castiel within a second.
"She's dead" He said simply, looking back down to finish up.
I sighed as he walked out once he was there, leaving me cold and craving for his warmth.