Here I am, standing on my very own grave.
Holding an umbrella,
It isn't raining, no.
it's more pouring acid than raining.
My name on the tombstone, is smudged. I'm almost unable to see my name.
It's fine, I don't even remember my name anyway.
Though I'm not dead, yet, as I'm not done writing my obituary yet.
but I feel like a lost soul.
but my body's got a whole lot more to live.
Yet the thought of coming back, wraps my head in more threads than it already is wrapped in.
I've been told that family is everything, but I can't get over the fact that my wife just doesn't even want me anymore.
some feel like Adam and Eve in their relationships,
but mine felt like I was loving the devils tree.
deceitful and dead.
After all, she still isn't pleased enough with all the botching they've done to my heart,
nailing it with these devious screws.
I can't keep pretending as if I'm the one who held the hammer.
Because these deceitful nails, they are seeking deeper,
As if the nails were poisoned with cold dread.
But, I shall pretend, a little more.
for my daughter, I can't have her in tears again.
For whatever's-living-in-the-sky's sake, when shall my desire to love start?
But then, it doesn't have to end of it doesn't start.
As I wasn't supposed to be here at all.
I look around myself, I find myself at doom, at a completely irrational world.
Because there, stood atheists reciting the bible,
Amen! They yell.
There, are vampires picking flowers out in the sun,
With their fangs facing north because their necks don't turn.
There, are skeletons in marching bands,
playing percussion using their own bones
There, are leprechauns gambling over their coins.
The rainbow isn't so bright anymore.
I take another step,
though, the ground underneath me is water.
and the sky looks like a void.
so am I drowning, or am I levitating?
And just as I looked up, on the bitter sky
My visions getting dimmer,
The sky fell before my eyes, the clouds never looked as devious as before
I stare at the curtained sky
And I wonder how the sky looks so contagious.
but if everybody's sick, then nobody can catch it.
and carelessly, I set my eyes off.
under the drained rainbow,
are raindrops drowning my eyes,
I cant tell if I'm crying or if it's the rain.
Still, I'm enjoying it altogether.
sitting under the tree that is my soon-to-be coffin wood.
The tree gives off a bitter sweet scent that reminds me of lemon zest,
it's nostalgic, familiarizing
But why am I still here?
I should've left when I had the chance.
But, chances won't come anymore if you don't hope for them.
My hope is to find peace within my Daughter,
to laugh out loud in a never-ending garden.
Where the sun is sun is alive, But you could feel the snow peeling off your skin.
Where The grass is punctures our feet but we don't mind it.
I'd love to plant a tree with her, but what's the point if our lungs are filled with carbon dioxide?
We can see the sparrows, painting the skies
Like acrylics to a white canvas.
Somewhere, where I can hear buzzing in my chest
And I would know that my ribcage's turned into a hornets nest.
but I breath just fine.
and my heart miraculously pumps, despite the hole in the center of it,
Funnily enough, I'm the one who drilled the hole.
Though,
Am I supposed to bleed blood?
Because all I'm bleeding is the residue of smoke ash
Of course, My hearts been a blaze.
My hearts been an experiment on fire.
no wonder it keeps failing.
After all,
I'd be glad to have my heart come to a stop.
My vessels have already dried and curled inside my wrists.
My blood has gone black, and bitter.
My eyes have gone white,
My skeleton has been folding,
My organs are getting tired from working, and I'll surely die.
But,
who's coffin shall I be sleeping in?
Besides,
I would love to finally sleep.
to dream of another life.
As someday
I would feel like I'm at home
Where my floor tiles are made of rinds of my fossils,
Where the lightbulbs form constellations on my ceiling,
And Where the blanket is only there if you imagine it.
But those, are only my wishes.
I could wave my wishes goodbye,
as I'm only a dying man with a punctured heart.
and I know, that I wasn't supposed to be here.
on an ocean of my memories
waves of nostalgia, bumping my tiny boat.
Tides of scenarios, hits my head with a memory everytime i pass one.
Beneath me, I'm supposed to see flashbacks of my life
but all I see is a deep-set void
my brain is mushed,
but I feel satellites signaling to my brain.
I know that my life is shattered like a stained glass window,
but the light thats reflecting the shards is forming a rainbow,
which makes me realize that rainbows appear the shiniest in the darkest of skies,
As my mind finally grasps, to what seems to be a depressing sky,
and I gaze into an empty galaxy,
except that the stars switched off, like a lightbulb.
and the clouds,
they start raining acid.
it's burning my skin, all the way to the core
But, I have nothing left anyway.
as I would reach down in my pockets but, they're full of remorse and my wallets empty from hope.
To be exact, what's left anymore?
The grain of life that I'm supposed to cherish?
The grain of sand that will end up getting rolled in by the tides anyway?
I'm so down. yet, I feel like I'm at my prime.
With the termites picking on my skin,
but what a lovely colorful after-result my legs would look like
With arrows dragging down my leftover pieces of my heart,
Cupid must've missed their shot,
As all I'm feeling is the eternal feeling of doom.
but, I would feel every type of doom if it means that I get to hug my daughter,
to have her back inside my arms.
I want to be with her at last, somewhere where we could raise our hands with the blood-filled pints in them.
The vampires are there to pour the pitchers for us,
the very same atheists pretending to change water to wine,
Skeletons, playings drums with a smile.
With the leprechauns breaking tables as they lose their money in bets.
perhaps all I needed to do was accept the fact that the world is what it is,
As beauty, lies in the ugliest beast.