I would like to think to myself that this isn't the end. But seeing as her story went back to where it all started, I realized that my role wasn't saving her at all. I just made sure she'd continue to exist, eternally.
In eternal suffering and forgetfulness and new encounters and the last times, in every world, she'll continue to exist.
As for me, I couldn't bear to live in a world knowing she was somewhere out there, helpless and torn, just as she'd been when I first found her.
When did I first find her?
Who can say? I had always been talking about how I wished I'd met her sooner. In fact, I had always known her. Our existences were intertwined so much that I don't think either of us could just pull away and be happy all on our own without thinking of the other.
After I'd returned Lady's power to her, I floated away in an empty space for an eternity. I was foolish enough to think that the sorrow would fade away one day. But no matter how long and far I floated away, the memory and the feeling were still there. I could still see everyone's face right in front of me.
And not a happy face, either. I saw their dying faces. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't erase my memory anymore. I wish I could tell you there's a happy end to this long, arduous journey that I took. But in truth, there's nothing, not even death, that can bring an end to such stories.
As I was drifting away in nothingness for eons and more, the pain and longing grew too strong. I was consumed by something I didn't know. It was then that I decided to escape.
It was just one moment in which I gave up. I can't say my promise to Lady was fulfilled. If it had, I'm sure I would have been spared the suffering too. But right till the end, the haunting memories never left me. It was as if some distant worlds were calling out to me. I knew I ought to repent.
"Ah, there it is!"
I thought to myself. I didn't understand why they all went to such extremes in the name of repentance. But now that I was faced with it myself, I could see why they chased so madly after impossibilities with just a word from Lady.
But I couldn't repent anymore. There was nothing I could do to undo what I had done. Had life been kinder, my father would have killed me when I was a child.
The expanse I was floating in suddenly felt too small. It suffocated me.
It was then that I decided to take the easy way out.
Now that Lady's life had brought me to the very beginning, the path to the original world was open.
Chopper and Lady argued about the superiority of real and fake very often. I think, a simpleton as I was, I would always choose real over fake, even if the fake was better. I think Lady and Chopper would call me stupid for it.
The original world was destroyed. The second one still existed.
I realized the expanse I had been drifting away in was, in fact, the original world. It was turning into nothingness. I didn't stay there any longer.
In the second world, where Lady had bid us all farewell before she was killed and Valhalla was brought down on her, everyone else was still alive.
I looked like an old man now. Ashen haired and haggard.
But the world still looked the same.
I think if Chopper or the others had seen me, they'd have found it hard to believe. But I never did try to find anyone. With Chopper, especially, I knew he wouldn't be found unless he wanted to. And, as far as I knew, only Lady could convince him when he was that angry. So it seemed pointless to go after him.
In the end, I began traveling. It wouldn't have made sense if, after all this time, I decided to settle down. So I traveled the world.
I looked for Kiria, the woman I'd met in Agartha. I never found so much as a trace of her. Something made me believe that if I could find her, I could tell her everything that I had been through. Why I believed so, I couldn't say. It was probably just a ridiculous whim or me idolizing a woman I fancied once as someone very sensible and smart.
Perhaps it was for the best that she'd disappeared. I eventually stopped asking people about her. It was a sign that I'd given up on my search. I saw Mer Claire when he was appointed head of Norn after his remarkable research on Shura, the Berserkers. I don't think he recognized me. I attended the grandiose ceremony in my traveling rags so I wasn't exactly let in at the main event.
The remaining Knights of the Round seemed to have settled somewhere in Agartha. The world had no need for mercenaries anymore. There were many who sought peaceful living.
The Valentine family paved the way for peace treaties with neighboring countries. They seemed to be great at politics. Some said Mercae wouldn't stay a stratocracy for long now that it was well out of war. I wonder if Mercae could handle the truth about its history and the story of Yngvir.
I avoided going to see my father. I'm sure he lived a lonely life and died just the same. My brothers would have at least lowered him into his grave. I know they'd all be there. I wouldn't be missed. But at the same time, I'm sure my father thought of me often. Much more often than I'd have liked. I hope he didn't regret anything.
A few years later, I met Eso again, for the last time. It was the day she died. The innkeeper and his daughter, Natasha, whom she'd been staying with, held a small funeral. It was still better than what the rest of Halen got.
One look at Eso's son, and I knew Chopper had been lying to himself about Eso not telling the truth. The little one hadn't been given a name. And he had the grayest eyes I'd ever seen. And the way he avoided people's gazes and wore an annoyed look if you stared too long, reminded me of Chopper all too much. It made me laugh.
Unfortunately, I was sure I wouldn't find Chopper in at least three decades.
"Your name's Grey. You're my son", I told the kid before I took him away with me.
Eso had been too sick all this time since giving birth to him to teach him much of anything. And though Natasha cared for him, she was always busy with her father and the inn. Grey didn't mind leaving with me either. I suppose he had the gypsy blood of his father in him after all.
I traveled with Grey for less than a year before deciding that it'd be better for him if I settled down. I suppose I wanted him to have a normal life. I found a small home in the east of Mercae and settled down. It wasn't costly, probably because the place had been war-ridden just a decade ago.
It wasn't altogether a bad place to live. In fact, it was a nice, homely neighborhood.
Grey was smart. I sent him to a good school. And I knew I'd have to send him to the best college. I thought Norn would suit someone of his talents.
My old age was bound to be lonely. Chopper had promised me he'd come kill me if Nasty ever went out of control. That promise was as good as lost now.
Sight had been looking for Chopper ever since Lady sent him. I heard news from a little bird about their fate some time later.
Chopper went into the Northern Winds, a legendary tornado in the extreme north of Mercae that had been standing in one place in the snowy mountains for over a thousand years. It was impossible enough to find it in the vast north, even as big as it was, let alone survive it.
Sight followed him there. I had a feeling Chopper must have survived. But Sight was never seen again.
Deli found out what happened to her children. She was the first of the Valkyries to die after Lady. She starved to death in some back alley, some slump, in some small town, in God knows what part of Mercae. It was ironic, tragically so. She had been the biggest eater of us all. And a born noble. To think her end came in a place like this left me sleepless for days.
Lubbock and June were still traveling the world, last I heard. I'm glad the world is such a big place for them to see.
Grim did what he'd always been doing. Reaping souls. He seemed to be back in business, although I can imagine he lost his purpose too. I don't suppose he believed in repentance in the first place. If he truly did slaughter the mages in the convent where he served as a boy, then God must have cursed him to reap souls eternally.
He was always a mountain man, though. That's where you could expect to find him. With his hideous staff and ravens.
I wonder what became of Prophet's grave. I knew I'd go to the same place as him when I died. There was no greater comfort in life than this knowledge.
It was many years later when Grey had grown up. He was bound for Norn the next morning, and he couldn't wait to start a journey of his own. And I knew it'd be a lonely life ahead of me, but I was happy to have been able to give a good life to him.
My son found me in the basement, where I'd locked myself for the greater part of my life. I had turned it into a library, much in the same fashion as my father. And this is where I wrote the book, entailing my journey with the Valkyries and how I found the road to Valhalla.
I died without any apparent reason. It seemed I'd simply ceased to function. As if I'd willingly taken my life into my hands and presented it before the reaper.
"Take it. I have no need for it anymore."
I had closed the book I was writing, and with my head placed on it, I wore a vague smile, and tears rolled down on it.
I sat in the light of a single candle, without a breath in me. And Lady's box, which once used to be rather pretty, was now sitting as a relic on my table too.
It was a long sleep that awaited me. A long, very well-deserved, and much-needed sleep.
And on the other side of it, were friends and comrades. At least, that's what I'd like to believe.
But inside, I knew very well that there wasn't much. Death meant nothing. It changed nothing.
I met Nasty, my friend in many worlds. And I met Prophet. And the endless wait continued. Just as Prophet had said once.
Hell is a place with the most beautiful, perfect world outside your window.
But you can't reach it. You can't do anything there. It tortures existence. Hell laughs at you.
That is the kind of world that awaited me.
How many years had it been?
The suffering continues even in death. I could say now that I understood her perfectly.
Finally, I had unraveled the greatest mystery in the world.