Almost.
I wouldn't have used that word three months ago, before I met Lady.
It is a terrifying thing for me but Lady has more than one layer. And though I can see through those layers at times, it is utterly incomprehensible inside. Whatever she is at the core and whatever she is thinking still eludes me. I do suppose it's better to not find some things out, though I'm quite sure that at the end of everything I would eventually learn the truth.
"I know what you are thinking".
That is something I want to tell people. I wish I could say the same to Lady too. I can't, perhaps I'm still far too afraid to let people see through my layers.
I'm no different.
****************
I could hear the havoc the shadows were wreaking above us. And as we descended down those stairs, I knew everything was coming to an end. This wasn't the first time I was stepping down those stony stairs, I knew what awaited below. I could clearly foresee where everything was headed but I made no attempts to resist. There was no point in that, I was prepared all this time, after all.
Soon, earlier than the last time I remember, we had touched the damp dirt ground. There was that same deathly smell in the air, accompanied by occasional dripping sounds which came with greater intervals than the last time I remembered.
Felix followed close behind me. Soon we were standing in front of a crucified Deli who weakly smiled upon seeing me. Felix stood right beside me in silence.
"Hello Cassius, I didn't expect to see you again so soon", she muttered.
"Does it displease you, my Lady?", Felix spoke.
"I suppose you were ordered to make sure...that he dies helplessly in front of me. Am I right?"
"You know the machinations and workings of my Lord's plans better than all", Felix agreed and bowed a little.
I didn't want to stay silent anymore.
"Pardon the interruption but-"
"Seraph, you might have to take your time".
"I don't need to", I suppose Felix expected me to be surprised, in fact, he hadn't realized the errors of his own memory.
"Huh?", he looked at me now, unsatisfied by my calm composure.
"That day, I kept on running. I don't know how long that road stretched in front of me, but by the time I realized the bitch wasn't following me, I had already reached a place I didn't know. I was right in the middle of nowhere. When I found my way back, it was already too late for that bitch and her pups", I continued monotonously as Felix stared at me wide-eyed.
"That's the thing, Felix. I found my way back", I looked straight into his eyes now, "but you didn't".
In that instant, I almost heard something breaking inside of him. Like a huge wall coming down right on his head.
"What...are you saying?"
"That wolf I killed for the first time, I felt conflicted about it. Because I didn't know whose life was worth more. But I was told the strong get to survive, no matter what. So I decided that my will to live must have been stronger. And that means my actions were justified. It was the right choice for that wolf to die instead of me".
"The hell are you spouting about?!!!", Felix grabbed my collar and shook it. He did look like he was about to break down and cry.
"Felix, all those memories...they are not yours. You ran off somewhere because you thought a beast was chasing you but you never found a way back. You've been lost ever since", he shoved me back and stepped away.
"Shut up", I could tell he was beginning to lose it, "What do you know?"
"You've been stealing for so long because you were looking to erase what you had. But they stayed, didn't they? Your memories...you can't get rid of them."
"No...shut up! Shut up!!! You don't know! You are wrong! Stop your-"
"Cassius", Deli spoke, "you and I are the same. You were right about that. I have been trying to leave my blood behind just as you were leaving behind your memories. But at the end of the day, you are Cassius, the last Decimus survivor. Though your family didn't survive, their heritage did. Unable to sleep, forever chasing dreams and memories, never to be satisfied. Cassius Decimus, your father chose death of his own volition. He chose to never go through the blood ritual, because he wanted to be able to sleep. You ran away from that oblivion. And now you are..."
"I don't!", he began breathing heavily, "That's enough. My Lord has plans for you both. There's no...there's no...place...memory."
He seemed to be in a state of trance, as if something had suddenly come over him. He flinched and kept looking hysterically seeing something invisible, mumbling something that I couldn't understand.
"Seraph", Deli spoke, "Prepare."
I looked at her and then back at Felix.
"You...", he seemed to have come back, "Seraph, you have something I need."
"Yeah, I know. But I can't hand it over yet. I haven't figured out how to use it yet, but I'm sure that old hag intended me to keep it safe until the time is right. I'm not going to disappoint her", I replied calmly.
"It has nothing to do with you, Seraph", Felix was beginning to look like a hungry wolf and I could hear the increased noise caused by all the Cerberus shadows that seemed to have made their way through. I was sure they were manipulated by Felix himself, at least right now they were.
"The Grail", I spoke firmly and without any fear, "stays with me".
"Seraph...what did you say...you have?", Deli sounded concerned.
The shadows were getting louder and louder by the second and they were really close to us now.
"I didn't want to do this", Felix smiled like usual but with a hint of pain this time, "I hope that this time too, there's a justification of whose life is worth more".
We were overwhelmed by the shadows that made through and everything we knew was swallowed by the darkness.