It's not bad weather, but she needs her meds on the top of the mountain. She's not a simple woman, but she's more than what she claims to be. The phone rang when we got inside and she immediately answer the call.
According to her, she can sail. When she was little, her mother taught us how to sail, just like dad taught me when I was younger. Who doesn't like a woman who can sail? We both can sail. The good news is, we can leave this island, but the bad news is, it's raining and I'm scared for both of us.
She turns to look at me, her hair swaying as she moves in the stream of light to her motion.
"Who was that?" I ask.
"Just the reception. They're looking for me." She says.
"Did you ask for help? I think we can get out through the woods back to the resort."
"No, I just told them they need to get our things on the cliff. When the rain stops, we can sail."
She sits on the wooden bench. It's rustic and old, I'm afraid it would break.
"I can sail too." I tell her.
The hope of connection to her.
"Dad and I used to sail in my early teen but I'm afraid with lack of practice, I've forgotten about it." I lean on the old wooden cabinet, looking at her.
"Fun to know that we have something in common. Is your father a sailor? Mother used to join the competition, but she always ended up in third place."
"He was, despite my grandfather being against it. And no, he didn't join any competition, was just his hobby."
She pouts her lips and goes silent again. I'm still not used to her silence; it feels something alarming whenever she does it. Sometimes, I'm convinced she's bipolar because of her mood swings. In the short time, I've known her, I can't help but judge her because she's so hard to read.
I sit next to her and we both watch the rain out the window. We're lucky enough to jump out of the cliff at the right time because if not, we're dripping wet on top of the mountain. She looks at me, puzzled.
"Why are you laughing?" she asks.
"Aren't you amazed we're here at the right time before the rain starts? It's so fucking funny that the rain didn't catch us dead in the mountain."
She starts laughing with me. "You're right!"
The day seems short as the light gets covered by the thick, dark clouds in the sky. The cold began to crawl into my skin, making me goosebumps. She lays down on the bench shivering in cold. I open the cabinet to find clothes or a blanket.
"What are you doing?" she asks in her shaky voice.
I turn back to her; she doesn't look well. She breath slow with her eyes closed.
"I'm looking for clothes or a blanket. You have to take off your clothes." I explain.
"I… I'm fine." She stutters.
"You're fidgeting, and look cold."
She opens her eyes and points to a drawer in front of us. Immediately, I open the heavy drawer, and piles of clothes are revealed. They're bigger sizes, but it would do for now.
"We have to change, okay?" I say to her.
I stride to where she is and help her stand.
"Thanks." she murmurs. "I think there's a bathroom." She points to the east side.
"You go there, I can change here."
She tries to get up and slowly stands. I can't watch her take one foot at a time in slow motion. Watching her hurt, her feet are frail and shaking. I look away out of pity. Even though I want to help her walk to the bathroom, I know too well that she won't let me. Time took forever for her to walk, taking too much time to take one step forward.
"Promise me you're going to seek help after this vacation." I say to her.
She swiftly looks at me. "I thought we already talk about this."
I could beg for me to seek treatment, but it would only make her hate me for asking about it. I'm not in a position to ask her, so I stay away.
The bathroom is not far, we're just in a small boat house but bigger than usual. I continue to watch her make her way to the bathroom, hearing her drag her feet, cough, and the hoarseness of breathing.
A moment had passed. I didn't notice that I fell asleep on the bench, then got awakened to the loud sound of a siren coming from the bathroom. I jump from my feet running to her. Aggressively, I knock on the door. She doesn't respond, leaving me with no choice but to kick the door. She's lying on the ground facing the floor. Fear jitters in every part of my body, jaded in my bones as I feel the heat forming on my cheeks. It feels like looking at a dead body, with fears and madness—maybe this is what most people who found a dead body felt. And it was like slow motion, kneeling in front of her unresponding body. I slowly turn her body and a pool of blood on the floor drips from her mouth. I desperately try to wake her up, watching her eyes shut, and her chest not rising. Panic soon crawled on my back to the tip of my hair. My sight doubled when the rain stopped it soon began drowning my own fear. Then the telephone rings, but I'm glued to the cold, hard floor holding her. But my hands are shaking and I couldn't feel her weight on my arms. The telephone ringing fades in my ears as the beating of my heart screams louder than anything around us. When the ring stops, I drop her slowly to the floor and punch the wall.
"Fuck!" I scream on top of my lung. "Wake up!" I beg.
The phone rings again, making me stumble on the table.
"Ma'am!" someone calls on the other end.
"We need help! She's not responding!" I cry.
I hear the kerfuffle: screaming, panic, yelling—just like what I felt and now I'm sharing it with every person in the reception while waiting a little long screaming on the telephone for someone to talk back to me but I'm just listening to the panic and scattering footsteps on the concrete wall. The call got cut off. I'm left alone again with her unresponsive body.
Clueless on what to do. I calm myself, thinking if someone else is in my position, what are they going to do? Sitting on the wooden floor, I can focus on my breath. I have to think about what to do in this desperation. After moving her body on the couch, I searched for her pulse. I can't feel anything in her arms and wrist, and can't almost feel her pulse in her neck. Someone could mistakenly assume she's dead. Again, I don't know what to do after I found a pulse. This is the longest thirty minutes of my life: stuck in a boathouse, dripping in my clothes, in the middle of nowhere in the secluded area between forest and ocean, with an unresponsive body. Another minute, I can hear an ambulance siren in the distance. How could I put this in a word? It feels like watching a scene in a movie where the protagonist is agonizing in the middle of one corner room, and anything else is moving around the protagonist… it feels like that. The clattering of men raided around me but I'm just sitting on the ground.
"Sir," a man says.
I look at him dead in my eyes. "Are you a doctor?"
Another medic team gets inside and then grabs her to the recliner hospital bed, putting her inside the ambulance vehicle. I feel a trap between reality and dream. When my grandmother died, I saw her taking her last breath, and I saw the last tear falls on my uncle's eyes before he closed his eyes to eternity. This feels like watching a movie despite being physically present at the moment. Someone put a jacket on my wet clothes, I turn to whoever it is: she's a woman in her late 20s with braces. Her mouth is moving, acting. Oh, wait, she's talking, but I can't properly hear her with muffled sounds in my ears. She pats my back and then my senses come back.
"Sir, let's get you back to the resort." She says.
"What about the girl?" I ask.
"Mr. Anderson and Henry are with her in the ambulance."
They ride me back to the resort. I wait for her in ten minutes to an hour, then…
I got awakened by a knocking on my door. Quickly, I appallingly open the door. The girl with braces awkwardly forces a smile.
"Where are you going to have dinner, sir?" she asks.
Dinner? She woke me for a dinner and not news—the good news that I want to hear from anybody.
"What's your name?"
She furrows her eyebrows. "Diana, my name is Diana."
"Diana, how's the girl? Any news about her?"
She furrows her eyebrows again. Seems she's not aware that I don't know her name. I patiently look at her.
"Henry called. Her pulse rate and blood are back to normal." She says.
I exhale, I never realize that I'd been holding my breath until I released some air.
"I'll have my dinner in my room." I reply.
She smiles and nods. I walk to the shore in the pitch-black night in the cold air.
The hotel staff told me the hospital won't release her until she's in great health. She's still conscious, but her breathing and heart rates are back to normal. As you can see, I'm very agitated with what happened to her. Partly because I'm aware that I'm guilty of what I put on her shoulders. For the next hour, I sit on the sand watching the bird soaring above the ocean. Sun sets on the horizon. I hopelessly hope she's here with me watching the sunset, so we can check the fourth list on her bucket list. Time is irrelevant at this moment. I feel bored, guilty, and sad, and I don't know what to do in my remaining time.
I fell asleep again on the shore. Second time of the day. I wonder what I'll be doing if she didn't lose consciousness in the boathouse. Maybe after sailing, we'll be enjoying the ocean. I woke up this time by the ringing of my phone. My skin is full of sand and so does my hair. I look at the phone number, but it was from an unknown number.
"Hello?" I answer.
"Hey! Why aren't you here?" a voice of a girl from the other end.
"Who's this?" I'm really confused.
I check the time on my phone: it's already 10:00 pm.
"Come here or I'll kill you." A girl threatened.
"Do I know you?" I ask.
Hope she's making sense so I can understand what she means.
"Jack! Come here! I'll ask the resort staff for someone to drive you here!" she screams.
Oh, it's from the girl and she's fine! I don't know where she gets my number, but I no longer find this strange because she's the definition of strange.
"Oh! Thank God you're fine!" I exclaim in relief.
"Yes, I'm pretty much alive!" she laughs and hangs up the call.
I run back to the resort. Diana catches me going to the hotel.
"I was looking for you, sir." She says.
"Jack. Call me Jack."
"Your dinner is in the restaurant. Also, sir Calvin will drive you to the hospital."
"Thank you for letting me know. I'll change my clothes first."
I quickly change my clothes and walk to the restaurant, seeing a man drinking coffee with my meal. I awkwardly sit next to him. He looks at me flatly. Diana comes near to our table, tells me about my meal, and gives the man an apple.
"This is Calvin." Diana says.
"Jack." I say to Calvin.
"Nice to meet you." Calvin says.
When Diana leaves, he keeps on looking at me as if he's going to say something to me, but he just eats the apple Diana gave him. My phone rings, then it gives me a moment to look at him and smile before answering the call. He quickly smiles at me.
"Are you coming?" she asks.
"No, I'm eating. Can you wait?"
She groans over the phone. "Where's Calvin?"
"He's here next to me."
"Then come here fast! You should be already on the way!" she yells.
"You can't order me just like that when I'm…"
She hangs up the call, cutting me.
"I guess we're going now." Calvin says frowning at me.
"I agree." I say.
I don't have the chance to finish my meal because of that girl. He chuckles. I guess he knows what I'm going through.
The hospital is not far from the resort. It's just twenty to twenty-five. When we arrive, she's having a heated disagreement with the nurse. Calvin and I sit in front of her hospital room watching her yelling at the nurse.
"I'm fine! Before I lose my mind, I have to leave. I don't like to stay here any minute!" she screams at the nurse.
"Ma'am, calm down. You're not really fine, and we have to monitor you." The nurse says.
She sees us and then she gives up arguing with the nurse.
I walk inside the room and talk to the nurse.
"Hey," I say, walking closer to her.
"They don't let me leave." She says hurts.
"Maybe you need to listen to them. You coughed blood so badly and lost consciousness." I explain.
She turns her back to me. Calvin squeezes my shoulders before leaving. I turn back to her, acting like a brat again.
"Hey, do you want to escape from here?" I whisper to her.
She turns back, smirking at me.
"How are we going to do that?" she asks.
I smile at her, then she immediately removes the IVs from her arms and I gave her the clothes for her to change. She slowly gets up and asks me to check the door if it's safe for us to leave the facility. It's almost 11:00 PM and some people are flustered on the metal chair sleeping.
"Calvin is sleeping and so do most people." I whisper to her.
"What about hospital staff?" she whispers.
"I can't see anyone."
"Then I think it's safe to leave."
I open the door and lead her out. My heart is pounding so loudly in my chest as we slowly and carefully head to the door. A doctor walks past us, and I feel her hand on my shoulder pinching it slowly. When we finally got out of the facility, she let out a big exhale as she held her breath while walking to the door, and she hugs me tight.
"You're my best friend." She says with a big smile.
"I thought I'm your boyfriend?"
She punches my stomach, and I act hurt.
"You called me a friend, right?" she reminds me.
I chuckle. "So, I went from friend to boyfriend to best friend?"
She slaps my face, and she drags me to the parking lot.
"Where's the car?" she asks.
I point to the car and open the door for her.
"Do you have a plan for us?" she asks.
"NO, but…" I shut my mouth whilst driving back to the resort.
She looks out the window silently.
"What's your favorite music?" she asks.
"Uh, it always changes, but I'm currently obsessed with Wil Seabrook Happily Ever."
"I haven't heard that music. Who's your favorite artist?"
"It changes through time as well. Wil Seabrook, I might say. Been listening to him for a couple of months now."
"Mm mmm."
"What about you?" I ask her.
"I hate you didn't stay with me in the hospital."
"I wanted to go, but Diana drove me to the resort because I was wet."
"I felt ditched, Jack!" she yells.
"I came to you!"
"Because I made you!"
"I think they're being overprotective to me and you're not there for me."
"They only want to help you extend your damn lifeline!" I yell at her.
We reach the resort and sneak again to get inside to the shore. I hold her hand as we walk inside. We stop in front of the trees with a small lightbulb. She looks at me.
"Stay here." I say to her.
I run to the sleeping mat and turn on the Christmas lights with throw pillows and picnic basket.
"You're a liar!" she screams, stomping toward me.
I laugh at her sitting on the sleeping mat.
"Don't scream the staff will hear you." I whisper.
"But you lied."
"You need sleep. You can sleep here. I'll be watching you like a creepy stalk." I say.
"Wake me before the sunset, please."
"I will." I say and then kiss her on top of her head.
She gawks at me. She stands to put her hands on my neck, choking me.
"I'm going to kill you! Who gave you permission to kiss me?" she says, gritting her teeth.
This is how I'm going to die. But then she stops when she notices I didn't put up a fight.
It's just a brief moment, but she let her guard down again. I can see something in her eyes that I haven't seen before. Her versions are not limited to two. I can see them all. A tick of time dances in our moment and again she put her mask on.
"I'm sorry." I say.
"Rapist." She grins at me, showing her white teeth.
"Why do you trust me? You don't know me at all."
"Because," she sighs and then lay back down next to me. "Wake me." She says instead.
I haven't slept with a girl next to me before, this is the first time. I study her face, seeing her sleeping like a baby; serene and peacefully making me wish selfishly. Only if her reality is like that. Maybe she won't need me. Despite her pain, she's the strongest person I know. In addition, I'm lucking because no, I have a purpose to keep going.
I'm a morning person but I have a goal tonight. I have to stay awake until four in the morning. To keep me awake, I play a lot of matches in Mobile Legends until it's 3:45 AM, a perfect time to wait for sunrise. She stares at me for a second, and the urge to kiss her creeps on me again. I have to look away in order not to get killed. It feels like she fears intimacy because of her condition, or maybe I'm reading her too much. Or maybe I'm scared of falling in love with her. On the other hand, I want to kiss her. It's not my intention to fall in love with her, it's hard to have a relationship when you know you won't get a happy ending. I had two relationships in the past and got cheated on. And having a relationship with someone I know is leaving won't make justice in my life, especially in my heart.
We stare at the horizon, waiting for the golden sun to rise, claiming its beauty.
"Mother loves sunsets and sunrises." She says, breathing tranquility.
"What do you love?"
She often talks about her mother and father. What her mother loved to do and her mother's activities. That's authentic for her to do as it shows in her, though she's not comfortable talking about herself and what she likes.
"I like silence, movies, cats." She smiles before looking at me.
"I like you and being able to do everything you want to do."
We stare at each other again until we got distracted by the beauty of the golden sun. Unbelievably beautiful, despite the rain earlier, it's still given us the blessing to show our desire. I feel happy to witness this morning's experience with her. She looks stunning, gasping in incredible.
"Can't still believe that I can have this wonderful experience with you." She giggles. "If I'm stuck in hospital care, I won't witness this forever."
"I'm sure you can still." I say.
"Mother was in hospital care for ten to fifteen years; she doesn't have a lot of fun before she passed away. I don't want to die like that."
That's the explanation for her bucket lists.
"Mother was a thrill seeker in her younger days. She loved hiking, skydiving, and going to this beach. Actually, this beach was her comfort place. She was popular in this city." She explains.
The sadness lingers again in her eyes as she speaks about her mother.
Half of her bucket list reference her mother used to be. Maybe it's the reason why she did the lists in the first place.
"I never had time to do things she used to love because my parents are overprotective." She continues.