Cooking had been my obsession since I was a youngster. I was like a little intruder, marking my territory in the kitchen, around six or so. Making my claims for entry, observing every action that was put on display, and joyfully yelling my order to dad who quickly pursued them for me.
I always thought that the kitchen was the most comfortable part of the house. It felt like the heartbeat of the pulse of the family, that seemed to put everything in place. Because of that, I found it to be my place of refuge. I didn't fully understand it back then, but now I do. It was more than just cooking in the kitchen, it was more of how it brought things together
I remember how I would throw tacky sweet syrup all over any and everything. Those days were the best, that's all I knew would make me happy at six. Afterward, I would then learn the harsh sensation of disappointment in doing the dishes, but nothing beat the unimaginable sensation and triumph that you get when eating the food you created.
Grandma Elle was always there to show me what sweet or savory dish I could create, which dad sugar coat everything that I liked. I swirled in the kitchen remembering these warm and fuzzy feelings. A bit of the happiness that defined my life. I slice the onions and tomatoes while the hamburger sizzling filled the room.
I was having a good time, listening to the radio, to its pop music. I then flipped the burgers when I heard my phone ringing. I looked at my phone, I recognized the number immediately. It was Dad. I grinned.
"Hey, Dad!" I sang as I put the phone on speaker, on the counter table.
"Hey, Saura!" He hollered my nickname and there was a bit of snickering between both of us before he continued. "How are you dear?"
"I'm fine. I'm here cooking."
"Aha… and what are you cooking?"
"Hamburger steak… with onions, tomato, potatoes…," I answered.
"Really?" He asked as if he was surprised.
I hummed. "Cooking Ma Elle recipe," I stated. Then all of a sudden, there seemed to be silence at the end of the phone. I paused to looked the phone screen to see if he was still there.
"Hey, you still there?"
"Yea, I am," for some reason, it felt like the perk in his voice vanish. I turned down the radio, just so I could hear him a bit better.
"Umm… what's up?" I asked.
"Oh, it's nothing," he quickly said. I hummed feeling like he was declining to tell me something.
"How's the new job?" He diverted.
"Okay…" I stretch the word. Waiting on his response, I could tell something was bothering him.
"Just, okay…" He mimicked me, and I smiled. I took a deep breath. It didn't make any sense to push him any further. I just knew when he was ready he would tell me.
He was always the quiet type, calm and patient, He almost never gets angry. Sometimes I thought he was too polite, friendly, and nice to everyone. Yet he was never the one to verbalize his emotions but always tried to show his feelings through some sweet gestures and little surprises. He was the pacifist in the family and never dare to go against grandma's wishes. However, he did act differently when it came to his lumberjacking, business always met business for him.
I remember how he use to work day and night so I could get the best education and have a rich, wonderful childhood. He had sacrificed so much and taught me that with hard work and dedication, you can have what matters most to you. Then he had that adorable sense of humor. I may not always find his jokes that funny, but I love him for trying. He made sure everything was alright for me and Ma Elle, now I couldn't help but wonder what was bothering him.
I rolled my eyes remembering his jeer. "It's great," I replied.
"Better than the office with 'Side Bash'?" I snickered. That was the code name he had given Miss. Basher. Poor woman if she knew how I had talked about her, but then again. I thought it sufficed for the treatment I had received.
"Side who…" I giggled and I could feel his smile across the phone.
"Wait! You forgot about her already?"
"Was there anything to remember?" I taunt.
"Ouch!" He exclaimed. "New office treating you that good?
"Well. it better than Side Bash terror of judgment." We burst out laughing.
"So, how's the new place?"
"Oh, the apartment. It's fantastic. You should visit!" I exclaimed.
"Oh, no no. The city is far too advanced for this old man. I'm perfectly good where I'm. Just coming I might get lost," I pressed my lips together, holding in the laugh. He might just be right, he probably would get lost. I smiled at the thought.
"So… how's Grandma Elle doing?" I asked, and there was silence again. I placed the knife down and stared at the phone. My hair stood on end, and my heart hammered in my chest. I swallowed back a grim in my throat. I knew she was sickly and pretty much house-ridden. Yet for some reason I felt she was unstoppable, she would even stay in the house the last time we spoke. It seems like nothing stops her. Nothing would stop that woman.
I held the picture of my grandma in mind. She was a cheerful person. Always ready to give you chat. She never ceases to amaze me with how she always finds something exciting to talk about. And she would go on for hours about whether it be animals and flowers. She was the type of person who was never afraid to speak her mind and can be very convincing when she wants to.
I love her for that, even though she sometimes gets upset a bit too easily, but she is just as quick to forgive and forget. She had been through a lot for a couple of years, but she always kept fighting. She made me understand you never lose hope even in the direst of moments. Here is this moment I felt dire. I gripped the edge of the counter table.
"What happened?" I barely spoke, hoping my words wouldn't bite me instead. I heard him sigh heavily and I gripped more tightly.
"She was walking down the stairs. Missed a step… slipped and broke her hip." I clasped my hand over my mouth when he said this.
"Dad…" my voice breaking.
"She fine," he quickly spat out. "She is just bedridden now, woman can't stop complaining. The doctor said she just needs to refrain from putting pressure on that leg of hers, but..."
"You think!" I said in distress."It's not like she's going to listen. What on earth was she going upstairs?" I said while pouting my lips, upset that I couldn't be there.
"You and I both know that mother of mine is untamable. She was… just getting a few pictures of you in the new room I had set for her. Couldn't wait until I had gotten home. " I felt myself crying and smiling at the same time.
"I blame you for this,..," I chuckle a little bit in my tears so he knew I wasn't really serious. Realizing how much I missed her too. "Why wasn't my picture in her room in the first place?" I sighed slightly with relief. Glad it wasn't worst than that.
"Oh, sweet Saura, I deserved that. An old man like me should have known better."
"Can I speak to her?" I asked.
"Nah, I choke up her juice with a ton load of medicine. She's out cold. Can't have this woman walking around on that leg of hers," I chuckled at his joke. There was a moment of silence again.
"Maybe later Saura. When she wakes up." I wiggled inside myself. I wanted to hear her voice, it would have made me feel better.
"I would like that very much," I told him.
"I have to go," he then said, "I need to go and cook myself." I crinkled my nose remembering my own cooking. Glancing over to see that my hamburger was almost finished. Now I just need to add my ingredients for the gravy.
"I miss you both," I finally said. Picking up my knife to hurriedly complete my slicing.
"Seriously?" He tried to sound astonished. "I clearly remember you dying to leave the house."
"Aha. come on," I gestured my voice at him. I knew he was trying to so say everything was going to be alright in his own kind of way.
"I miss you too, my little Saura," he said cheerfully,
"See you soon?" I asked.
"Yea right, when you leave that city and come back," then there was a bit of laughter before he hang up. I smiled, dam my small tears, knowing both would be alright fine.
******
A couple of minutes later while I was eating around the table, enjoying my meal. I heard my phone chirp and I took it up. It's a picture from Dad. I almost choked, while laughing seeing him. He had his fingers behind grandma making bunny fingers, with his tongue sticking out. She was clearly unaware, sleeping peacefully. If she knew she would slap him first then asked if he was okay in the head. It made me realize how I miss them both. And to see them again. To hug them again.
I sighed heavily.
I just wanted my grandma to be okay.
But then found myself spiraling into a hole I didn't want to. My Mom was out of the picture, she had been for quite some time. We both use to spend time together. I thought I might miss my mom too. Just a little bit. Despite how much I don't want to. Despite how angry I was at her. Then again I had all right to, she was the one who left us.