One man, called Right, was sitting to the left of a man called Left. So Right was sitting on the left of the man to Right's right. But to the left of Left, who I may remind you is to the left of Right's right (if you swap their positions), is not a man but an animal (I have never seen this in real life however (but what I have seen is crazy)) and a horrifically scarred one at that. It had slashes running down its side from years of captivity and torture (not institutionalized, just imprisonment) which oozed some strange liquid that a ranger could run his fingers through and smell and instantly know how many pregnant animals are in the vicinity... but that's not important. This next part coming up is so integral to the situation at hand.
[From now all non-name lefts and rights are capitalized for your convenience]
Left and Right were driving down the road trying to find a bank as Left had Left the Rights to Right's construction plans for a new causeway leading to the Left of Right's house, which thankfully for him was actually located on the Left side of the street. But on the way to the bank Right Left Left's drink on his car's roof as they Left. Now coffee was dripping down Right's windshield directly into Right's field of vision (this creature has little forward vision. Being a foul scarred beast of burden, he could see little after his years of unjust torture and imprisonment. But he strove on).
Left turned Left to Right's Right (on Left's Left), and he spoke a warning. "Curse you foul beast I command thine to slowthee downis toon thou correctum speedus limitumium. Mustus always take the offrampium before Exit 19?" Left was Right, they always took the wrong exit when Right was driving (I'm quite proud of Right because he didn't acknowledge Left's speaking disorder. Right had grown to be a less judgemental person, unlike some people...). But Right now, Right was in the Right, he knew Left could see the coffee on Left's Left and Right's front. Left was just being rude. Right had to respond. Years of solitude, torture and captivity had led his mind astray, but Right, the large foul animal, must stand for his honour. "If you say that again, I'm gonna fucking kill you" Right rightly stated. The foul punished beast, an innocent victim of imprisonment and abuse could take it no more.
Right was only 8, but foul beasts are born fully awake adults. Where they dwell at army run camps (but departmentally handled by the auxiliaries of the state police which can technically allow for a bypass of the chain of command in the occurrence (or lack thereof) of a coup). There they are fed a diet of laundromat lint and live cats. The cats are normally consumed via a porter which allows psykinetic fields to pass from within such foulest of beasts into cats (or as the foul beasts call them in their language, cats). After such events the cat remains unharmed. However, when the cat dies of old age, the soul of the cat is passed rather unceremoniously into the ethereal pool NaaL which contains all feline souls which had fallen to those foul beasts. If this pool were to be destroyed, the twisted Ikarsh will rise and be the ones to rebuilt it, and they will succeed. For the laundry lint? Well, just assume it's some magic shit.
"When I was growing up" the tearful child said, "I knew that I was never going to amount to anything...". He was trying to hold his hands to his face and he started to cry. It was raining and he couldn't leave his - a creepy man in a doctor's scrubs approaches the child rapidly. Within seconds the man is less than a metre away from the child when the child notices him and looks up. The doctor speaks "I can help with THAT! These Dyanavel XR Amphetamine Extended-Release Oral Suspension Pills will happily make everything you hate to go away go away! Really! Actually! Really!". By the time the child had blinked the Dyanavel XR Amphetamine Extended-Release Oral Suspension Pills had already entered his system and he became still. The rain went away, and everyone lived happy ever after. Sponsored by StockXKcotS, BUY BUY BUY BUY!
When Left isn't on his downtime during the day, he would usually do nothing. Being forced to help Right made him want to join the Ulphate Legion. But luckily for him, their 33 year siege in the Contrast system was coming to an end. On the other hand an Oksan fleet is still unaccounted for and it was not a minor detachment. However what Left did not know was that the major infrastructure holding up Right and the other foul beasts' economy was in the Contrast system, meaning an Ulphate victory may allow for Right to become a doctor or maybe even a doctor. Unbeknownst to them a group of plotters called the Inwe within the foul beasts' society are conspiring to release the pool of NaaL and use the assistance of the Ikarsh to harass landfills and other dump sites. Unfortunately for them however the landfills have been claimed by the Upper Khaganate of the Foul Beasten, and they have taken back what is rightfully theirs. Left had never asked if Right knew any Foul Beasten of the Upper Khaganate, but Right was more upstanding than them, and he can drive! (Not too well though)
The way to the bank was a bit complicated. From Right's house, the one on the Left side of the street, it was a left from the driveway, another left at the lights, but after that, it gets hard. Since the tensions between the Left Handed and the Right Handed people had become severe, each street on this side of the city is a both way street on the same road and no lines. The car windows are tinted to prevent others from seeing the handedness of the car. Violence had erupted in the past over differences but the solution was quickly found. Now when one is on the road, one must truly drive. Left was lucky the car he is in is blue, he loved the color blue. After the both way street the directions get harder. So, after taking Exit 19 on the Freedom Way, drive until the car dies. Then get out and walk. Just keep walking, forever. The bank is on the Right.