"do you like have a crush on him or something?" Shawn and I are walking back from lunch, hand in hand when I ask if he had a crush on Micheal.
he stops abruptly and turns to look at me. "no, no, no, no, no, no-"
"okay, I get it, you don't like him" I laugh at how many time he hand to say no.
"I despise him... I hate him and I hope he has to do a root canal surgery" he looked upset and I really wanted to mess with him.
"you know, my dad has this thing he'd say from time to time" I start, catching his attention.
"what?" he always paid attention when I talk about my dad, mainly because he knew how much my dad meant to me and simply dismissing him in a conversation would hurt me and he didn't want that. that's what I love about him, he puts in the effort to care for other where others wouldn't.
I let go of his hand and stand a few feet away just in case he tries to hit me. I turn around and face him, walking backwards as I speak. "hate is as much a power emotion as love is. you can hate with the same intensity as you can love... and in the long run, lossing a person you hated would hurt as much as losing a person you loved" he frowns but not his 'i'll punt you if you don't stop' frown, it's more a 'i'm thinking about some deep shit' frown.
he sighs. "there's a thin line between love and hate, that I know but i also know what side of the line I'm standing on and it is not love" he reaches for my hand and takes it. "are you trying to pimp me out, Vee?"
"no.... maybe" I pause because it's a lie. "yes"
"it's only been a day, Vee... what I had with isn't going to suddenly go away if I start hooking up with Micheal... " he shivers with what is clearly disgust. "I really cared about you and I'm gonna need way longer than a day to heal from you dumping me, Casanova" it's a joke but I can hear the sadness in his voice.
"I'm sorry" I whisper and look at our intertwined hands. "it's just I want you to be Soo happy and i Haven't seen you smile that bright beautiful smile in so long that it's starting to break my heart"
"hey, you don't get to be heartbroken when it's my heart you broke" he smiles as he says this and for once it reaches his eyes. "I'll find someone... someone that'll look at me the way you and Caleb look at each other.... someone that'll want me no matter how I look"
"you look perfect... you always do, that's what got me into you in the first place... you're beautiful" I reassure him.
he laughs but it doesn't reach his eyes. "yeah, beautiful" he says unsurely.
I sigh. "you know what?"
he sighs exasperatedly. "what?"
"I'm going to tell you everytime I see you that you're beautiful and then at the end of the day, you're going to tell me one thing that's beautiful about you" I cup his cheeks in my hands. "you're beautiful, anyone that doesnt see that is an absolute idiot and that checks out, because I'm not an idiot"
"sure, you aren't" he mutters but his smile finally reaches his eyes. "it's my ass, I think it looks good today, just saying"
"good" I groan as the bell rings. "I have to go now, I have stupid fucking physical fitness at the stupid fucking gym" I whine. he laughs at my pain, kisses my cheek and wave me goodbye before he head off to the other side of the building. and as he leaves i scream. "NICE ASS, BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!" and he bolts because I was embarrassing him. I look around and people are staring. "what? haven't you seen love before?" I ask and they look away
I'm walking towards he gym when someone grabs my hand and pulls me into a storage closet.
"h-" they put their hand over my mouth and I lick it
"eww, gross, Xavier" I hear Caleb's voice. "that was disgusting"
"well, kidnapping is disgusting" I throw bal
"it's not kidnapping if we're right outside where I took you from" he rationalized.
"it is too"
"is not"
"is too"
"not"
"to- you know what, I'm not going to debate this with you, I kidnapped you to kiss you and that's what I'll do" he pressed his lips against mine and pulls me into him. his tongue slips into my mouth and dances with mine. he presses me up against the wall and rubs himself into me and I can feel his hardness again me and I'm pretty sure he can feel mine.
"hmm.." I moan as I pull away. "firstly, you just admitted you kidnapped me, secondly, I have gym and finally... make me late" I kiss him again and let the wave that is Caleb carry me away.
much later, when my lips are sore and my heart is full, I stroll into the boys locker room to change into my gym clothes.
Alex, Jess's boyfriend and Caleb's best friend was stand there. the room was empty and it was just the both of us in there. I was uncomfortable getting changed in front of him so I pretended to be looking for something while I waited for him to dress up and leave.
"hey" I jolt because this is the first time he's every spoken to me directly.
"hey?" I ask but it sounds more like a question. the room is silent for a minute and I continue to rummage for my imaginary missing property
"what are you looking for?" his voice comes again and it's right behind me.
"uhm... I... uh" I stutter ass I turn I see him in front of me in my personal space.
"can't you talk now?... cause you were pretty chatty with Caleb yesterday when he picked you up from that ice cream place down town "
"what?"
"when Cal bailed on us yesterday, I was like, maybe he's gonna hang out with that Calley girl but Jackson told me she's a dyke. so, I followed to figure out where he was going and can you imagine how shocked I am when he meets up with you there" he's closing in on me as he speaks. "you're a faggot, right?"
"that is rude and that is none of your business.... I'm leaving" I try to walk away but he blocks me with his arm. "Alex, I want to leave" i say firmly
"well, I don't want you to leave, doesn't what I want matter?" his voice is mocking. he grabs my face in his hand and crashes his lips down on mine and the first thought that runs through my head is that he should get the fuck off me.
I slam my hand against his chest and try to push him away but instead of backing down, he grabs both my hands and locks them in his above my head.
"get off me, please" I struggle to get out of his hold.
"it's okay, Vee... it's okay, I'll be done in a minute" he reassures me but all it does is cause me to panic. what does he mean by done?.
i soon find out a second later when he rubs his hard cock again me and start groaning. "you like this, don't you?" I try to pull away from him, gathering all my strength and energy, it doesn't work, he tightens his hold on me and deepens the kiss.
I start to sob as he rubs in on me. I hate him, I hate people like him, I hate that he thought I was so weak that he could do this to me, I hate that this is the person my friend chose to be with... I hate him!! I hate him!! I hate him!!.
I sink my teeth into his lip, they cut through flesh, I taste the metallic taste of blood and i felt fucking triumphant
he groans and pulls away from me so he can nurse his wound. it gives me enough time to plant my knee hard against his cock and bolt for the door.
I run, I don't know where my legs are carrying me to but I run and I don't stop until I get to the football field. I slow down to a jog and find myself sitting behind the bleachers.
I crash. I burst into tears and everything come pouring out at once. my body shakes with each sob. thoughts raced through my head, a million Miles per hour.
what if he'd won?, what if he'd raped me?
what if, what would have, what would i have done, they all scream in my head.
i pick out my phone from my pocket and I call the someone on auto pilot and place it to my ear.
"the number you dialed is currently unavailable" the voice says on the phone and I pulled it away from my ear to look at who I'd called.
fresh tears form in my eyes. I'd called dad's number. I'd forgotten that he was gone and I'd called him without even thinking because he was always the one who I called when I was scared
I scroll through my contacts and call Mom.
"honey, I'm really busy right now, if this is about your ice cream that I stole, I'm not apologizing Bec.... Xavier, are you crying?" she asks after her rant about my ice cream she stole of which i didn't even know about... but that all seemed insignificant right now.
I take a deep breath so I can say this as clearly as possible. "mom-"
.
"Binky is everything alright, should I come pick you up?"
"nothing's alright and yes, come pick me up. but mom-" she cuts me off again
"Binky, tell me why you're crying, please i-"
"a boy sexually assulted me in the boys locker room before gym" I hear mom's breath catch.
"stay where you are!" she says and I can here her running. I take the phone away from my ear and hang up
"who was it? who did this to you?" I hear a voice. l could recognise that voice in a sea of people.
"hi, Caleb" I say, my voice cracking as I tried to stay strong