Rhaegal spent several hours alone in the clearing thinking. When he began to notice the light fading, he decided it was time to return to their cave, in the hope that Maleficial, Finiar, Teramon, or whoever else was watching had already put the brats to sleep. He didn't mean to be mean, but he had discovered that he didn't tolerate children very much, or at least the children of newcomers; he had tried to like them, but they had an intelligence quotient too low for his liking. They weren't stupid, of course, but their ability to think was still severely limited by their age, leading them to do things Rhaegal found ridiculous, if not disgusting. Some of his siblings found the body adorable, but Rhaegal would have preferred to stay at least ten meters away from the children.
When he returned fortunately it was already late in the evening, and most of the children were in the depths of the cave sleeping peacefully. Rhaegal did not enter: he lay down outside and remained there. He had learned that if he wanted uninterrupted sleep then as long as those children lived with them he could not spend the night in the cave, or he would be continually awakened: the little newcomers could be noisy even when they were asleep and often woke up in the middle of the night, so Rhaegal had got into the habit of sleeping outside by now. After all, it wasn't a problem for him: he was used to sleeping under the starry sky, and in the desert there wasn't certainly a risk that it would start to rain.
This time, however, he didn't sleep right away; he lay awake for a long time, watching his sisters move about within the cave. He also noticed Darbi, who was trying to help put the children to sleep, with little success. Slowly, the setting sun gave way to pale moonlight. Soon silence fell on the oasis, broken only by the buzzing of dragonflies. It was really interesting: in that corner of the world where crickets didn't exist, it was dragonflies who had learned to make sounds with their wings to communicate. It was really true that nature could produce any kind of bizarreness.
Rhaegal remained silent listening to those sounds for almost an hour before finally the person he was waiting for showed up: Haku appeared among the vegetation and went to lie down too outside the cave. After all, he too couldn't stand brats. "Are you still awake?" he asked him seeing that his eyes were still open.
Rhaegal raised his head slightly. "I managed to convince them. Tomorrow we will leave for the expedition and if this cure exists we will find it" he said. Then his expression hardened. "We need to talk"
Haku snorted. He knew his brother wouldn't ask him to speak in that mortified tone for no reason. "I'm listening"
Rhaegal sighed. He was tempted to back away, but he had made up his mind. He couldn't tell Haku about the torture and the prophecy, at least not yet… but at least he could get rid of his other burdens. "I still have nightmares. I mean... about you"
Haku jerked his head towards him. His eyes seemed to tremble. "About me? You mean…?"
"A-At the moment I'm having less!" Rhaegal said in an attempt to make the situation seem less serious. "Yeah, well… they slowly started to diminish… but still I have them sometimes. I see that moment… in many different ways… over and over again. I didn't want you to know because I didn't want to add any more worries about your shoulders, but… it's fair to tell you"
Haku looked down; though his expression betrayed no emotion as usual, his rapid breathing and irregular heartbeat betrayed his shock. After all, that was a very sore spot. "I was starting to think... that we were past... that phase..."
Rhaegal sighed. He knew very well how much Haku wanted things between them to go back to the way they were before, to no longer see the terror in his eyes when their gazes met. Almost two years later now, Haku still blames himself for what had happened between them, for what he had done. Rhaegal knew his brother had changed for the better, and he wished he could just forget, move on… but his mind wouldn't let him. "I told you, the nightmares are decreasing. When we were still in the Jurao Kingdom I used to have one a night. Serengal told me to tell you about it, but I was too stubborn to do so. I thought you already had enough thoughts in your head, and that it wasn't right to make what you did weigh even more. Maybe one day these nightmares will disappear completely. I mean... things are already better between us, when I'm awake I never think about that event, and when I'm with you I never feel fear or repulsion as I did the first few times. Sooner or later even my dreams will be completely cleansed of this bad experience and then we really can never talk about it again"
Haku didn't seem much relieved by those words. It seemed that even he, for once, didn't know what to say. "Brother... I'm sorry. It's my fault that..."
"Hey, don't start with apologies. You've apologized enough before and I don't want any more. And I know there's nothing you can do about it and you're sorry" Rhaegal said. "I just wanted you to know. It wasn't fair to keep it hidden... and I'm tired of keeping too many secrets. And by the way, there are a couple more things I should tell you..."
Haku didn't seem happy with the change of subject; almost certainly he would have preferred to continue discussing the main issue, but since his brother didn't seem inclined to, he decided to play along for the moment. "And that would be?"
Rhaegal nervously scratched the base of his head. "Me, Serengal and Corgorin gave our blood to our adventurer friends"
He expected a shocked or indignant reaction, instead Haku barely moved. Evidently the news he'd given him earlier had almost made him numb to it. "Mh. In fact I had noticed some suspicious attitudes. They seemed to me to have become stronger than usual..."
Rhaegal was concerned by Haku's lack of reaction, but still continued to explain: "It happened just before we went underground, while we were still in the desert. We didn't want them to risk their lives and so... we gave them our blood We didn't tell you or anyone else because we knew you wouldn't approve. Well... it was an irresponsible act, as you would describe it, but we had to do it. And we were right, without that Carlos now would no longer have a arm. They are trustworthy people and it was worth taking that small risk. And by the way, that's the reason why there is a bit of tension between us now... but it's not important, I'll explain it to you a bit other time"
Haku looked at him sadly. "You didn't tell me because you feared my reaction, did you?"
"What? No! I... I just... just promised you to be careful... and I didn't want to..." Rhaegal stopped. He tried to think back to that night, when he, Corgorin, and Serengal had given their blood to their adventurer friends. He thought about what they had said at that moment. His sisters had thought that perhaps they should tell the others, at least after they donated their blood if they really feared they would forbid it, but Rhaegal had vehemently objected. He said he didn't want others to think they were irresponsible and start seeing their friends as threats. Corgorin had clearly been persuaded, but Serengal had glared at him briefly, which Rhaegal couldn't decipher. But now, thinking about it after Haku's question... did he really want to keep the truth hidden because he feared his brother's reaction?
The dragon thought about that moment again and again. He had always told himself that he had wanted to keep the truth hidden because he didn't want to disappoint Haku, because he didn't want to make his family angry, and because if they made an exception for their friends then they should make it for everyone... but maybe that wasn't the case. Maybe… maybe it was just fear. Afraid that Haku would be furious, that he would think him irresponsible, maybe that he would yell at him. Maybe even fear that... that he would hit him again... "Yes" he finally admitted. "You're right, Haku, it's useless to lie about this matter. It's true, I kept this action a secret because I feared your judgment. But that's enough. I won't have any more secrets from you about my life choices. If we really want to overcome this phase and go back to trusting each other totally... then I must have the courage to make my choices and not be afraid that you may displease me. Therefore, I confess something to you immediately: I intend to participate in the expedition with my true body"
Haku shook himself. "What? But... after what happened last time... do you really...?"
"Yes, I really want to" Rhaegal replied. He felt uncomfortable saying those things to his brother, but he wasn't going to stop: this was how it had to go, he couldn't keep worrying about how he would react if he said something he didn't like. "Last time was a disaster, I know. But I've learned from my mistakes and I won't repeat them. And I'm tired of hiding, Haku. I can't ask my friends to risk their lives while I sit at the safe in a cave by moving an avatar with the power of the mind. I think… I think that even sharing dangers, even when it would be avoidable, is part of friendship. I know you are afraid, and you are right to be… but it's my decision, and I want you to respect it"
"But Rhaegal... have you considered the risks?" Haku murmured. He would have liked to react more vehemently, but after what his brother had told him he couldn't seem authoritative. "You could get hurt. You could... not come back"
"I know. But if something were to happen to one of my friends and I really weren't there to help him... I'd never forgive myself" Rhaegal answered. "Haku… I know you want to protect me, you want to protect all of us, and I'll always be grateful for that. But we can't hide forever. You can't keep us under a glass bell and hope everything's okay. And I want to take the field this time. If you don't like it, feel free to tell me... but I've made up my mind now"
Haku was about to reply, but suddenly two voices came from the cave entrance. "We want it too"
Haku and Rhaegal just turned their heads. Corgorin and Serengal had appeared in front of the cave, watching them intently. "Sorry, we didn't mean to eavesdrop, but… we couldn't avoid it" Serengal said. "And… we want to go on adventures with our real bodies too. We thought about it all day. We are tired of always having to use an avatar. We want to explore the way of the dragons, not the way of the newcomers"
"Yeah. And then I got tired of having to remind myself how to walk on two legs every time. It's a really fallacious and inefficient method of locomotion" Corgorin muttered.
Rhaegal hadn't expected his sisters to think as he did; he was sure they would call him irresponsible and recidivist, certainly not that they would decide to do like him. He looked at Haku, who had taken on a rather blank stare. Then his brother closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, and said: "You already know how I feel: for me, your safety is above all. Therefore I am completely against this idea and I totally advise against it. But...". He glanced at Rhaegal. "...I'm not your boss, I'm just your brother. And brothers accept their brothers' decisions, even when they think they're wrong. And it's only right that I learn to accept your decisions by now. Therefore... don't be more afraid of saying things to my face, okay? If you want to do something, just do it, but no more secrets between us"
Rhaegal smiled satisfied, even though he felt a strange bitter taste in his mouth. Unfortunately the secrets between them weren't finished: she still had to tell him about the torture and the prophecy... but those were better not to be revealed yet. For that night, it was enough to have shed all the other weights he had on him. And he was sure he had also made some progress in mending the relationship between him and Haku; only small progress, but still they had moved forward. So, even though it wasn't quite true, he said: "Yes, brother. No more secrets."