Haku knew that by apologizing to his mother for his wrongdoing he would have accomplished nothing. In fact, apologize would have only made things worse: his mother would have been much more wary of him and he would have never been able to sneak out the cave again. So he had chosen to be proactive and instead of apologizing he had heavily attacked his mother's conduct.
And also, thinking well about it, he really didn't want to apologize. Not to that being he unfortunately had to call his mother, at least.
All the resentment he'd built up over the weeks exploded at once, the instant Neytiri commanded him to respect her. Respect her!? Seriously!? She let him and his siblings starve and fight each other, and she dared to demand respect? For what, for laying the eggs they came from?
When his mother said that fateful word, 'respect', a series of flashes appeared in front of Haku's eyes in rapid succession. All the times his mother didn't bring enough food to them, all the times she ignored his starving sisters, all the times she made it clear that she didn't care a damn about her own offspring. And Haku's anger had emerged, all the bad feelings that he had been harboring for a long time but that he had tried to not express to avoid complications came out all together in one single time. All the words he had preferred to avoid saying to his mother for fear of the consequences could no longer be held in his throat.
But this time he didn't care about the consequences. He wanted an honest answer, he wanted his mother to admit the truth. He wanted the reality, no more lies.
Beside him, Darbi looked confused, not knowing what to say. Neytiri stared at him intensely, but Haku didn't falter under the gaze of the gigantic dragon. For several minutes, silence reigned supreme over that ashen plain.
And finally, his mother admitted the truth that Haku had already understood for a long time, but that he had tried to not think about. "No, Haku. I don't love you, not even a little"
For Haku it was like diving into a river of frozen water; he didn't know how it was possible, but the feeling he felt was exactly that. Although he had been sure he would have received that answer, his heart sank as soon as he heard those words, and for a moment the little dragon became unable to think. It seemed to him that a hole had appeared in the center of his chest, a hole made up of an absolute void trying to suck in everything around it, and for a moment he touched his sternum with a paw to make sure it hadn't really appeared.
"Mom! What are you saying?" Darbi exclaimed, even more shocked than him.
"The truth. I don't love you, and if I have to be honest, I really don't care about you" Neytiri replied. Her eyes had abandoned any hint of anger: now they were just empty, devoid of any emotion. "Everything I do, I do because my instinct dictates it. I called your father and mated with him because of my instinct to reproduce, and then I brought you into the world and nursed you because of my maternal instinct. But otherwise, from my point of view you are nothing but a nuisance. Now I have to hunt a lot more than before and the more mouths to feed decreases the number of prey in my territory. Honestly, right now I'm just waiting that my maternal instinct fade, so I can finally drive you out of my valley and return to the solitary and peaceful life I had before your birth". The dragon snorted. "So, Haku, it's okay for me if some of your sisters die. They're just doing me a favor. In fact, the more of you die, the better for me. My maternal instincts dictate that I take care of my children, but not ALL of my children. After all, we dragons live by the rule of survival of the fittest. It's enough for me that some of you survive, the rest of you can die"
Haku was sweating and was using all of his self-control to keep his eyes from watering. He had long suspected that was the reality, but having it said to his face was much more brutal than he had expected. He felt like the whole world was literally collapsing around him. "So that's it? Are you going to take care of us until your maternal instinct dictates, and then you will chase us away?" he asked with a tiny voice.
"Yes, or I'll see you as food" Neytiri answered with no emotion in her voice, as if she were talking about the weather or the shape of the clouds.
Haku felt a shiver run down his spine. He had never considered that possibility. Not only it showed how little his mother cared about them, but it was also a terrifying prospect: Haku knew that if Neytiri would have tried to eat them neither he or his siblings would have had the slightest chance of salvation. After all, how much chances could have a bunch of baby dragons who couldn't even fly or use magic against a full-grown dragon weighing more than a thousand times their weight and that possess two domains?
Neytiri looked at him seriously: "So this is why you went out? You came to find food for your sisters? Very nice and noble, but stupid. Well, let me give you some advice: forget it. The world beyond this valley is full of dangers, and even if you will be able to avoid all of them, you won't be able to find enough food to feed all your brothers and sisters. When you will grow up, Haku, you too will create a territory for yourself and you will keep everyone away, including your own family. Because it's the only way to survive"
Haku felt his mouth go dry as he listened to those words. "The only way to survive?"
"Exactly. The era in which we dragons had all the food we needed is end from a long time. So either you'll build your own territory, or you'll starve, or you'll be forced into a nomadic life that sooner or later will lead you to face the wrong opponent. So take my advice and give up now" his mother replied with a slight puff from her nostrils. "You are strong, Haku, and have a good constitution as well as a lot of intelligence, so you have a very good chance of surviving, but to do that you have to forget about your siblings. Feelings and emotions are just a hindrance, especially love. Look what happened to you today, because you wanted to feed your family. Know that the older you grow, the harder it will become, until you will realize by yourself that you are pursuing an impossible dream. So stop thinking of others and focus on yourself. Remember, dragons only think of themselves. This is our nature"
But Haku knew it well. He knew dragons thought only of themselves, his mother had told him so many times. But he was convinced that 'themselves' didn't include only the single individual, but also his family. 'That's the nature of dragons'? Seriously? Abandon those who have his own blood, with whom he was born, raised, played with, shared so many experiences? Give up any kind of bond in order to secure a food source? Was that the nature of dragons? And so? Even if that were true, if nature was clearly wrong, then why should they follow it? Dragons had brains, they could think, they could shape the world around them however they wanted! They could put their instincts aside and follow higher moral principles!
Haku had felt a strange feeling when his mother told him she didn't love him: a mixture of disgust, horror, sadness and depression, and he hated it. He hated it because despite everything he still loved his mother. It was impossible not to love the creature who had brought him into the world, who brought him food, who looked after him. And in the same way it was impossible not to love his brothers and sisters, beings with whom he shared his blood and all the experiences he had obtained in his short life.
So was that all there was? Should he have abandoned everyone? Follow his mother's philosophy and embrace selfishness?
"No" was his final thought. "I refuse to accept it. I don't want to accept it!"
In that moment he decided differently, in a way not common to dragons. He decided that he wouldn't have abandoned his sisters and brothers. Dragons thought only of themselves, but they sacrificed too much in doing so. What kind of life was a life without his siblings by his side, lived with the awareness that he had leave them to die? Haku remembered all the good experiences he had with each of them and he could only imagine how many more he could have in the future. And even without including affection, living together had a lot of benefits. Food would have been more difficult to find, but they would have had the advantage of protection, mutual trust, cooperation… family. Haku decided that he was going to form a pack, and that he wasn't just going to focus on the benefits that such strategy could bring only to himself; he would have thought of everyone's benefit.
Haku didn't want to be like his mother. He refused that there was no alternative to that brutal and violent lifestyle. No, there was definitely another way of life, but his mother was just too careless to think of an alternative. If so, he would have found it himself.
If his mother didn't want to give even a little love to his brothers and sisters, then he would have replaced her.
Suddenly Neytiri broke the silence. "Come, let's go home" she said blankly, turning around and heading towards the cave. "You don't have to worry about me kicking you out for now, it's still too early. We can still live together"
Haku was surprised again how much his mother spoke of such brutal things without any emotion in her voice. He was tempted to not follow her, but after all he still had nowhere else to go and his siblings were still in the cave. He started to walk, but after taking a few steps he noticed that Darbi hadn't moved.
His brother was lying on the ground staring into space. Evidently that revelation had hit him very badly. Darbi wasn't as smart as Haku and unlike him he hadn't noticed the signals, or perhaps he had noticed them but preferred to ignore them. For him to discover that his mother didn't love him and that in reality she saw him as an unwanted guest that she was forced to feed must have been an even bigger blow.
Haku walked towards him and bit his horns, pulling upwards. Darbi realized he was trying to get him up. "Haku..."
"Don't mind her words. Don't think about her or what she said. I'll protect you from now on" Haku said. "Maybe she will abandon us, but I will stand by your side. Weak as dragons are, they are strong together. WE are strong together"
Darbi understood the meaning of those words. And a strange warmth built up in his chest. "Really?"
"You have my word. No matter where fate takes us, I won't leave anyone behind" Haku replied with determination. "We are a family. No one abandon family members. You, I and all our brothers and sisters will survive together"
Darbi's eyes glittered. "Haku... brother...". He felt a strange sensation. It was as if his world had turned upside down: his loving and kind mother had suddenly turned into an evil despot, while the brother who previously only used him for hunting had turned into his support anchor.
Haku almost spat on the ground when he saw that look. "Stop make fuss and get your ass off! We're too exposed here!"
Darbi only remembered at that moment that their mother had burned everything around and that there were no more trees to hide them. Even though a predator would hardly have tried to approach with Neytiri close by, after the bad experience of that day he felt unsafe to remain outdoors. Very hastily he stood up and followed Haku. The two young dragons quickly caught up with Neytiri, who although she could fly was merely walking towards the cave.
As they continued, Haku asked her another question: "I still have a doubt. Who were those creatures? Even better, what were they?"