I'm pregnant, this what she said after a few months of her marriage. They decided to name the baby "sara" ..
The husband goes to the work most of the day leaving his pregnant wife in his family's home. By the way all this 9 months she've been eating olives and bread only and that what his family gives to her daily. No not because they were poor but they just didn't want the girl in fact they didn't want my mum at all.
Yes my mum.. they changed the name of the girl the last few days of pregnancy to name her "Dawn" my mum heard that name in a Turkish series and father liked that name as it has a part of his name too .. also i was born at 2am.
So I'm Dawn i love my name it's kinda related to my life dawn comes right after the dark night but yet i still waiting for the dawn in my life.
I'm here trying to speak with my dumb therapist about my traumas to traumatize her but never can help me.
But here I'm trying... So i came to this world as a perfectly healthy baby usually hates loud people, love only my dad and my mum , And that little girl that's used to play with me called aya i loved her too. My life was full of pink and baby blue colors. My dad used to be a good husband and father he takes care of me and mum so well.
It's my 4th birthday, that morning I was in the other apartment which is In Front of ours where my aunt, grandpa live .. i still remember to this day that morning can't forget it.
She made me lay on her legs, did say some spells on me using fire, some burnt weird stuff, drawing somethings using this burnt stuff on my body and my forehead, and after this creepy massive man had been appeared who was the ugliest thing i had ever seen in my entire life this man carried me and then more had been appeared in a very terrifying scene i did not got what's happening but i don't remember what's happened after that....
Since that day every single thing had been changed, my dad became so abusive,aggressive , we no longer alone in home, home no longer home, bunch of so creepy men and children filled the entire apartment, going with me everywhere everytime, punch me every night when i be alone i remember when they carried me by my hair and threw me hard away .. I couldn't speak, i couldn't tell anyone what's happening with me don't know why but i tried sometimes and it didn't end up well ... And everyday dad arguing with mum and end up punching her so hard until one day he made her full in her blood and while he was trying pulling her outside i fainted...
After that day i woke up in the hospital after a couple of days donno how much but with my whole memory erased they tried to build a new better memories for me and dad tried to be better after that, they gave so many medicines because i lost a lot of my health because of all of this traumas but those creepy creatures was still there but i didn't remember how they came that time... Dad used to take me to gardens, Children Amusement Park, and then it's the time for me to go to school. The creepy creatures couldn't stop me being such a genius, sociable, friendly child, my grades was always high, all the children wanted to be my friends ... Dad and mum back arguing and fighting.. and this how was my childhood.
Aya was my mom's sis, she was older than me 9 years and hade been raised by my dad in the same situations because her father dead when she was too young. She had a very aggressive treat from my mom mom was a hard raiser btw ... And this is why i loved aya sm and felt a connection with her. She was in nursing school and she was such a successful nurse.
Also i had 2 cousins who named abdulrahman , mahmoud who was my 2nd mom sis's sons ... They played with me a lot when we was young and also many times my parents left me in my grandma home where i was playing with them a lot ... And once left me with their mother too for about a month. This is why i raised with them .. i had i best friend science kindergarten she was reem we were very good also she has some daddy issues like me which i liked the most about her. I never left her even when the other successful children told me to leave her and be a friend with them .. i didn't like that way of making friends too, and you know what i was too strong kid and aggressive sometimes too i remember that friend i had in 1 primary named nada aymen i hurted her head when she destroyed my painting. I didn't get enough time to apologize for her ... Her parents was planning for transferring her from this school and she left the day after it's one of my biggest regrets till today , but i learned from this not to waste any second without apologizing for faults and tell the people we love that we love them... I hope to see her again so i can tell her that and apologize. But no i wasn't that bad i had a big heart too when i see a kid been bullied i support him and make hime my friend and revenge for him too that's why everyone wanted to be a friend with me too also because i was so strong.
During primary school we all was so good innocent children and cares only about studying, success some of us wanted to be a doctor others engineer others wanted to be a police this is the only jobs we ever known... And anything else we was told that's failure. So i used to help reem in exams telling her the answers so she can be successful like me.
I prayed many times to have a sister to be with me everytime and everywhere and i was crying to mom telling her that I'm afraid getting older and then have a sister when i no longer wants to play .... So i had a kinda lonely 9 years until i had a sister... When i no longer wants to play. She named jana so little baby can't even talk with me about the things I'm struggling with since i was born but i prayed that one day when she get older she understands what i got through and supports me.
I never know why things happen way late but i love allah, trust that allah knows the right things and loves me more than mom and dad. But also i was an overthinking human that gets sad and depressed sometimes and keep asking for knowing many reasons. Like why late? Why dad and mom always arguing? Why those creepy creatures here? Why they punishing me? Why? why? ...
I was going to religious, Quran classes. My Mr was the only good man i ever met i loved the way he and his wife treating me they were the only persons i feel safe with. They also showed only me the whole mosque. We also used to have breakfast there together. They loved me sm me too loved them. I had an award for memorizing some parts of Quran. My Mr was so proud of me he helped me sm also somehow they felt what I'm struggling with without telling them about. But suddenly my parents stopped this courses .... I lost connection with my Mr and i back struggling alone and never feel safe.
when i was 10 years old i had big tits, big butt with a baby face in 6 primary.
Mom liked my body and looked proud of my shape but i wasn't.. i became insecure because all my classmates wasn't that looks and every boy was staring at me too long and the mature people was bulling me and envy my shape ... I was stressed out of this all during the immortal arguing of my parents together... The teachers especially men was harassing me with their eyes sometimes with words but i wasn't understand what's they mean but i didn't feel it was a good words ... I was blurry face and never felt comfortable or safe also i started realizing somethings like that my dad will punish me so hard if i didn't get the full marks because i have to be a doctor when become older ... I was stressed out ... And i met a girl that no one likes in the whole school she was so alone so as I used to i made her a friend of me she was nadra ... Reem started getting away from me little bit because of my body's shape she started making a new Friend who was noha but this unfair i even did not understand what's going on with my body!!!! I was stressed out... Until i had my first period...
I was never told about that blood that I'm bleeding right now! All i was told is that girls who got pregnant before marrying someone are sluts bitchs and god don't forgive them after that... I didn't know how do girl got pregnant and i was to afraid getting pregnant before marrying so i wanted to marry as fast as i can so i never become a slut... Also i saw mom when she becomes pregnant and the baby dies she was bleeding... So that all i was knowing about bleeding.
What the hell Dawn how dare you being a slut!!!! Became pregnant and loosing the baby too!! What the hell! What will do right now how will you hide these blood!!! Mom gonna kill you if she saw this! Oh omg omg i become a slut god will never forgive me now ... I thew the pantie behind the drawers sometimes and sometimes in the bin thinking that this way no one gonna find out... Nadra knew that somehow after a couple of months she was told about periods so she started explaining it for me and that it's a normal thing and i become a lady started my puberty's trip.. also she explained how women becomes pregnant , she made me see on Google some videos... That wasn't good.. i felt it's not a right thing to see that i felt it's haram so i understand that she wanted to explain so i got over that ...
A couple of days i told mom that i got my first period asking her why she did not explain this to me before...
Oh my little girl i never thought that there're girls have their first period that young!!! She replied, .. I'm so sorry baby, then she explained how to use pads ... But this wasn't a good trip to start at this age, no one else of my classmates teenage except me ... All of them still kids! So i started isolating my self from everyone, feeling more unsafe ... One day reem and noha draw me with a baby diapers i got too mad!! Why a friend of me doing this with me! I'd never do this to her! So i break-up our friendship... She didn't understand why .. she didn't know i have periods and using pads and i thought this bulling was about that, but anyway she bullied me and this unforgivable action. I hate anyone disrespect me Infront of others.
Also mom didn't stop talking about that i got my first period Infront of her sisters that was making too embarrassed and more insecure.
I started getting closer to nadra and she became my new best friend ... I didn't know she's bisexual.
She liked my body and she asked me a lot to do some kinda things ... I didn't feel it's right to do especially at this age and also I'm straight I didn't know how would a girl love a girl like her! Also i didn't understand what's this things she keeps bagging me to do?
One day we was in the toilet she entered with me and closed the door.
Hey!!! What are doing why did you close the door? I said.
She puted her hands on my mouth stopping me from yelling... Grabbed my ass to her and hugs me hard I didn't feel comfortable and didn't understand why in the hell she doing this and what is this? She hold my tits and i was trying so hard to stop her but she was fat and stronger than me and she kept trying to grab my hands to make me do what she's doing and kept trying to take off my clothes untill finally i could stop her and slap her .... I run away with shivering and couldn't say one word to anyone and couldn't speak any word the whole day ... But no she wasn't the only one who tried raping me by the force...
Those creepy devils rapes me every single night since the day i got my first fucking period.
The worst thing in this all is the fact that i even don't understand what is this happening to me, how to stop it, how to run away, and where to run to? No safe place on this whole earth.
I couldn't breakup my friendship with nadra because she's the only person I'm talking to since i had my period so a couple of days and i get back talking to her she told she loves me but i didn't put it in mind i tried to keep our friendship not losing her like reem ... I hoped one day allah make her stop .. but i couldn't stop thinking about what she did i was too confused what would that actions be? I just feel it's not right and not halal ...
And then one day ... I really wondering how would be your body looks like when you're without clothes text massage sent by nadra
Why would she wanted to see my body? My brain asked me .. but mom's sisters saw my body too when i have my tits mom showed them that i have got a big tits asking what type of bra could fit me.... Maybe it's kinda normal that girls see each other's bodies?
Texted her what do you wanna see?
Ur tits!! She texted right back
Okay wait a second... I took a picture of my tits and sent it to her
But I didn't know what the hell I'm gonna going through after that shit.
Nadra was bisexual which means she wasn't into girls only ... She had many fake accounts on Facebook to have sex chats with boys and some girls too .. she send for some of them her nudes and others fake nudes ... I'll let you know what happened after but all in it's time only so lemme tell you everything in the right order.
When i was a little kid i didn't like the tv at all but now i really like anime but i felt i wanna draw like them .. so i started trying copying it step by step in a month I could draw so well mom was proud of me and kept supporting me she said that her father was a big artiest and she had the talent too but stopped practicing it .. but yet her paintings still so beautiful i really like them , she had reem's mother as a best friend and while she was talking to her each time she was drawing anything... I liked that i got a talent so i kept practicing untill one of my arts been puted on the school's wall by which i became famous in the school " which I don't like in this time because of my insecure " .... Also nadra didn't like that donno if she jealous because she loves me or because she didn't want me to be good? But wait a minute how could she love me in the same time she having sex chats with many persons!? What is the love?
I donno but all i feel is that love is something safe and innocent and not body's love or personality or anything just love for who you are love your spirit. So i felt that really need love but innocent love , i need someone to make me feel safe and loved just for being me, love my spirit, nothing else .. so by my 11th birthday i prayed that when i be mature i meet the man that love my spirit, make me feel safe and be able to make my world and my brain a bit quiet.
One day my cousin who's son of my dad's sis who named belal tried raping me in my home mom showed up and saved me he was the first human boy who tried this but he got a really good punishment i was happy that my mom protected me that day, the first and the last time that someone protects me ....
You know what daddy issues, devils , being raped every single day by devils, all of this traumas and insecure is not the worst yet ... The action gonna start now.
I tried to go to the gym so i can have some muscles that makes me kinda stronger to protect myself.
I hope you find my writing interesting and sorry if there's wrong spelling or grammar ... And to be honest It's a real life story of someone. Thanks for reading the first chapter.