Emerald Pov
After losing my home I was forced to live like a homeless person for four months . In my old street there were no safe places where I could spend the night . Well , within the street where I lived there were many neglected buildings , but they were not abandoned .
And when I did find some abandoned buildings they were always already occupied by homeless people . Especially those close to the commercial district , which is exactly the ones I cared about occupying the most , because of their proximity to where I normally get food .
Even after a week of looking for a hiding place , I could not find anything safe . So I simply gave up looking for a hiding place near my old house and set out along the line separating the commercial district from the residential district. Unable to find a safe place , I wandered the streets in search of a shelter that would provide me with protection , warmth and concealment .
Eventually my wandering lasted another two weeks , during that time I slept on the street and the only luck I had during that period was the lack of rain and warmer temperatures at night . This was the only thing that spared me from dying of cold or illness . Unfortunately I was no longer so lucky in getting food . Throughout the time of being homeless I continued to force myself to get food from the commercial district and unfortunately my physical condition deteriorated day by day , which eventually also transferred to my effectiveness at stealing .
My mental and physical fatigue more often showed my mistakes , which caused people to notice more quickly what I had try to do. At that time , my already damaged , smelly and dirty clothes did not help either . All this made most people immediately pay attention to me . And while such a state of clothes , could have been caused by ordinary children's games that were normal for children like me and which by their nature damage clothes . But unfortunately my dirty hair and face , were for adults clear signs of my malnutrition and neglect .
For the first three weeks I was still able to make a living from stealing . But my deteriorating mental and physical state , caused by increasing fear , paranoia and sheer physical fatigue , eventually forced me to stop my " hunting " for food . At that time , the margin of my mistakes did not even allow me to enter a commercial district without being immediately caught .
Eventually , exhausted by constant escapes and searches , I found a safe and quiet corner in the industrial district . The only place in Vale with a huge homeless population and a huge number of abandoned " safe " buildings . Well , safe for the conditions of an abandoned building .
Unfortunately , despite finding a " reasonably safe " place to sleep , my problem with food did not allow me to enjoy it . Hunger after a week was already causing me pain . Hunger was not even allowing me to sleep . Although , honestly maybe there was a good thing about it , because at that time with the condition of my body , I clud never wake up again .
Although this solution might have seemed better . A quiet death for a kid like me . No family , no future , who was I going to become when I grow up ? Another whore living in the hope that one of my clients will save me .... To live in a brothel , as a toy . I could not fight , I could only steal . I had no skills , and the possibility of learning was not possible for someone who lives from day to day . On one cold and sleepless night I thought only about it .
I dreamed , that eventually it would all change .... It was these thoughts that did not let me give up . I didn't want to be like my mother ... Not like those women in skimpy clothes that I passed on the streets every day . I didn't want to be a loser , a drug addict who lives in abandoned alleys .... I didn't need wealth ... Just enough money to be free . That was my goal .... To get out of this poverty . To have something of my own , to be something , someone more .
I didn't want to give up , but I was also tired . Tired enough that I even considered going to an orphanage to ask for help . However, I could never bring myself to do it . I wanted to live , and orphanages in the Vale are like a game of roulette where your future is at stake . Seventy percent of the time I clud end up in a place full of violence and hunger . An orphanage without subsidies from city , place left alone ... A place that makes many children prefer to live on the street than there .
And this is not something I made up , it is common knowledge in streets . I myself heard it from one kid I met on the street . He ran away after his sister died . As a punishment for disobeying her guardian she was locked in the yard . It happened in one of the colder winters . Boy told me about his sister's crying when she froze to death in the backyard. That boy after that chose the streets rather than the orphanage , and I don't blame him . Due to the lack of subsidies sent to these facilities , no one controls most orphanages , and when they do it , they don't really care what happens there until it comes to light .
Although , even then a lot of things are not brought to light and the issue itself is swept under the rug pretty quickly . After all , people get bored pretty quickly and the media will not talk about something that will not bring them viewership . Of course there will be people who will get involved . But what will that change ?
The guilty will be punished and the orphanage will be closed . Then other orphanages will be inspected and in case of the same abuses , they will be closed . And what next ? Children from these orphanages will be transferred to other institutions , causing overcrowding in them . Thus reducing their resources which will eventually lead to the collapse of another orphanage . And so the circle will close .
From my knowledge I know that this has happened more than once . Of which one case was so serious that the beacon academy itself , initiated its own proceedings against it . So they set up a few of their own establishments , but eventually their initiative collapsed under accusations of creating child soldiers or something like that . In short the authorities did not like the academy's apparent attempts to Get event more power in Vale .
What would certainly happen if many orphans and homeless children owed them , their good and prosperous lives . But it's also not that all the orphanages in the Vale are so terrible . If that were the case , there would hardly be any orphanages at all . If I was lucky I could end up in an orphanage where maybe people don't give a damn about me , but at least I will get an education , food , clothes and other things from them that will help me in my future life .
Who knows maybe I would even be adopted . But here begins another problem which is quite obvious . Whether it's back when my parents were with me , or I was on the street , I've seen and met a ton of people . And from my observations of human behavior , I know that every person has more evil in him than they shows .
It doesn't matter if they are afraid to show it or just don't want to do it for fear of being condemned by others . Any normal and intelligent person puts a good face on the bad game, anyone is two-faced for their own benefit. And I , do not want to risk that I will again end up in the hands of a person who for his own benefits will turn my life into a nightmare .
Of course there are exceptions . Good people who give their lives for the sake of others , but so far I have only seen two such people , an old lady who always fed me and who died in the rubble of my old house and my mother who did everything for me . However, to be honest, even they had a purpose .
Everyone has some interest in what they do , even the good people . Is it the trauma by which they feel they have to do it , or a simple sense of duty . Even the good ones do something for a reason . But I honestly feel bad for such idealists , because sometimes even they turn out to be hypocrites . For example , people who fight for freedom , deprive others of it . Killing in the name of an idea , which from the beginning should be peaceful coexistence .
Back to the topic .... My chances of ending up in such an orphanage , is only twenty percent , and nothing guarantees me that the beloved and corrupt authorities in the Vale will not take away the subsidy from there , causing that orphanage to turn into a nightmare , from which I will have to escape again .
And then there is the small percentage that I will end up in an orphanage where people really love and care about what they do . A place where I will be given " love " . A place that , although it will not necessarily be perfect , is a real dream for a child like me . However , there is also the same risk there as in the previous possibility . The risk that everything will turn around . After all , who knows what will happen when the city reduces or takes away subsidies for the orphanage .
People change easily , no matter if it is because of benefits , beliefs or other mind altering things . And even when they stay the same ? What will it change when the environment begins to crumble , an orphanage without money from the city , will not sustain . If my own father was able to physically abuse me , why should strangers under the stress of losing their livelihoods not do so ?
Who knows what lies behind orphanages , whether that good one's or the bad one's , what gang has laid its hand on the children living there . Honestly , in my eyes I had a better chance on the street than in such an easily changed environment as an orphanage . In the worst case scenario , I would go there solely to rest and eat , and then I would run away as fast as I could , if it was possible .
Of course private orphanages also remained . Facilities not dependent on the Vale government . They too have obvious problems . First of all, they are often overcrowded. Secondly, they often take care of a specific group of children, such as children who are orphans because of grimm attacks or children of hunters who have died . These institutions are the most common, but the requirements to get into them are quite obvious. But besides that they have the best care, often from retired hunters who are often the owners of these facilities.
Besides, private institutions are a complicated matter and if I went to one of them for help , they would send me to a public orphanage , which I do not want . Although even if there was a place in one of them I would not trust the people working there. I don't want to trust people because I know the meanings of my mother's words. .... When I am sure of something I will take a risk , but .... I was a child and I was afraid of people . I had a hard time with my father and after my mother left, I had no trust in adults . Asking for help from facilities about which I had heard nothing good , was not a good idea .
Is this too pessimistic ? Perhaps . But is it true ? By all means . In normal human understanding , a father should not beat his child .... However, it happens in the world . I am an example . In normal human understanding , an adult should not even think about touching a child inappropriately .... And yet it is happening . More than once I have seen and run away from such people
In normal human understanding , the authorities should support the people who pay them taxes and whom they themselves have promised to protect ... And yet in exchange for their own affairs , which are completely irrelevant to the rest of society , they put the lives of citizens at risk . Instead of fighting the gangs , they covertly support them , they see their existence as a benefit to their own power . In this world full of individualism , there is no place for communities .
I, as a child, understood this. There is no hope for our stupidity and cruelty . This is how the world is , no matter what fairy tales people tell . There is no white in this dark world . I'm sorry , but this is the truth . I wish it was different but it's not , kids who started life like me understand that . People being protected all their lives will see this false colorful world where evil has moral limits , they will not see and understand the dark colors of the real world . Evil has no limits just like our imagination .
We are losing to the grimm , yet instead of coming together for a common cause , we fight among ourselves over things like nationality , jealousy , greed and even animal traits on our bodies that we don't even have control over . If it were not for the hunters , we would have collapsed long ago .
I believe that if we really made an effort with the technology Atlas have . We would have won long ago . However , we are too much individualists . And I'm not saying that's a bad thing , I'm an individualist myself . But .... If people also cared about other people's feelings and lives ... What would such a world look like ?
This is what it looks like from my perspective ..... The perspective of another victim of the world . A victim who wanted to live , live with dignity . But to live with dignity , first I had to survive without it ... This is what I realized while starving to death , going for help would be the last thing I did , because doing it , was too much of a risk .
In my life , there was no room for blindly trusting people , even more so when from the beginning I saw no support or goodwill from adults . That's why, despite the suffering, I decided to survive on my own terms , even if it involved eating from a dumpster . Yes , to survive on my own terms ... I ate from the trash . I never did it because of the pure disgust of this thought .... I felt that when I did I would lose the last shreds of dignity . But I did it to survive .
Nevertheless .... To this day I have not told anyone about it . This is not some terrible secret . I did it to live . But mentally I was disgusted by what I did . Who normal wants to eat something those others threw away . I felt humiliated by the world itself . I fell low enough to satisfy my hunger with discarded food . Well it wasn't that bad , as it turns out people throw away a lot of good food . Behind the grocery stores there is a mass of food that I could easily eat , as long as it was still in its original packaging or some plastic bag , it was not so bad .
Which does not change the fact that the dumpsters themselves stink . Often there are also many things on which insects and rats have already been feeding . So even packaged with still good food lay often next to rotten meat full of maggots . Unfortunately , despite that fact , food is food and I had no choice anymore . Unfortunately even this way of getting food , had many disadvantages .
First , edible food is only in dumpsters behind grocery stores , bakeries or sometimes restaurants . Generally in places where they are sold because often food thrown out of houses or factories , not involved in the production or packaging of food , is not fit for consumption .However, as it turns out behind the factories you can find other useful things such as damaged fabrics .
Secondly , many dumpsters from which food can be taken out are padlocked to stop people from taking this good food from it . Apparently , in the eyes of the law it is still counted as " theft " which makes no sense in my opinion .
Third , it is not often that stores throw away food . Often it is once or twice a month at most . Of course , the food stays there until the garbage truck takes it away , but you have to remember that food spoils over time , besides there are also rats insects and fungus .
Fourth , other people also know about this way to get food , a way easier than stealing . If the dumpster is not closed then there will always be people benefiting from the goods in it . Whether it is ordinary people , who for some reason take out food to " save " money or literal organized groups of homeless people occupying these dumpsters like a kind of territory .
And it is these homeless people who are the problem . They often stay near " their " dumpsters waiting for the store to dump the food . Their protection makes it difficult for others to collect food . Looking at them I thought about joining such a group . However , I did not want to join just anyone , because to do so would be the same as going to an orphanage .
Fortunately , I managed to find and join a group of kids like me . A group that included a boy I met earlier. It was mainly with his help that they took me in . This small group had its own hidden place with a dumpster just for them . Apparently, the owner of the store to which the dumpster belonged, knew and supported the group of these children who with stolen money bought the right to this dumpster.
In general , this dumpster was closed . But my group , in exchange for stolen goods , could buy access to the discarded goods . The woman could make money from the things she could not sell and we could eat , it was a good deal . Of course in exchange for joining this group , I was to help them with pickpocketing . Which was possible for me after a good meal .
Unfortunately not long after I joined , I left . The head of the group to which I belonged , decided to make a deal with the gang . From my experience I knew that this was a bad idea so I left. And I was right, two days after I left, every kid in the group disappeared. And this further confirmed my beliefs . I can't trust anyone .
After leaving the old group , I was alone for a while . Sitting quietly , I did my own . Despite having no place of my own to get food I took risks in stealing and searching dumpsters . I won't say those were my happy moments , but I was held by the belief that eventually my fate would turn around . And well I was right . That was luck in misfortune .
By pure coincidence , as I walked quietly through the alleys of the comercial district , to my eyes appeared the scene of a bakery employee throwing a bag into the garbage , with what appeared to be unsold and stale bread . After making his own , the employee left without closing the trash can behind him . I was not hungry , but I would have been foolish not to have taken the bread . If I took the whole bag , it would be a meal for at least a month .
I took a chance and taking the bag . Then as quickly and quietly as I walked there I was about to leave . Unfortunately with a bag full of unsold bread in my hands , I was caught by the baker and his two sons . I was not greedy enough to suffer , I let go of the heavy bag and taking only the loaf I prepared to escape . Unfortunately I was unlucky , the shoelace in my shoe untied causing me to fall . At that moment I was caught and thought it was the end . However, as much as I would like to think of it as a failure and misfortune , it was this misfortune that brought me the most luck. My meeting with Neo and Kurumi .....