When his arm hair brushes against me in a way that smells like roses, I invariably flush and go into psychic. Makes me supple, gentle, and dissolves my strongest amulet's remorse. I regret that I matured so much that it forced me to choose between two paths, both of which would have taken me nowhere. I have to respect his religious belief, but eventually I have to be ready for the repercussions in the afterlife. I've been debating myself in regards to several morals. Being questioned about the ways of God and being the target of manipulation by gods' servants. If approved, that might amount to quite a bit of sin. There must be some atonement for me when I pass away because I am unquestionably living in anguish on this land.
He seems to be in despair, I can tell. Despite the fact that we have wonderful memories of this park, he must be burning while clutching that red umbrella. The rain that was falling could have healed him, but he is refusing to allow his realization to dawn on him. I don't want to deal with the conundrum on both sides.
Even if many people come to me simply for that, I don't just quell their lust; I also become a part of them as they become a part of me. They want me to take their muscles instead of my own flesh in order to bring about peace throughout their entire world. They are like family to me, so I can't leave them. After burning every inch of my body, I came to the conclusion that the taboo of infidelity needed to be rethought. Like Alfaz hasn't touched any of the parts of my body that people pay to touch, eat, and smell, like their wives or husbands do most of the time. The other is that they gave them their own space. They are merely wailing like the majority of trees, which are reproduced by pollination by the means of birds or spooky wind whispers, when we are trading our aura, and I can feel their shame both before and after the exchange of wishes. They are merely working for themselves out of a sense of satisfaction, just as they adore their other halves. Some thanked me because they loved them more. By that point, I simply have to let go of the spiritual scars that are etched into my physical existence. Why doesn't he leave while cursing me for not letting him inside, into my soul, and into my body.
I am aware that he wants me to approach him firmly. Since he loves me unconditionally, he has been watching me and hasn't moved an inch. My scars would have been healing more quickly if he hadn't made himself wait in that manner. How am I resolving this problem of free flowing? How do I explain that I ought to have escaped unhindered into his body and taken control of his region of the universe?
There was a time when we were obligated to take good care of the people we loved. We used to make enormous preparations for both Eid and every other Hindu festival. Despite the fact that people were pleased with our services, we nevertheless felt like lower-class persons in their eyes. In Janai Purnima, he used to wear sacred threads and take tika for me. More than us, he values cows. Therefore, there is no justification for harming or ignoring him. Tormenting him in this way is selfish of me. I would have at least conducted myself normally around him.
I moved, disrupting the rainwater's normal cycle as it touched the ground. Being the ship of Theseus, water divides and reunites itself. He also rebuilt me in that way, but the one thing he overlooked was the fact that I am Malina. Yes, that is the name I have now and will always go by, but I am not the same person I was back then, and Alfaz is not the same person who carried weights to patch up my nasty scars.
I sat next to him, barely using my hand to stroke his thick furs. Does it relieve the suffering he allowed himself to feel as a result of loving me? Possibly not, but it will relieve my own suffering as a result of loving him.
"Why won't you let me pick you up from work?"
The voice was soft but bombed, causing significant damage that could be heard hundreds of meters away. I want to scream at him for asking on what to do or not do, but it would be of no value to him. He is open to all of my flaws. He transformed himself to become stronger than me after rebuilding me so strongly. He is aware of his alteration but not mine, and I lack much more than blindness to discover a solution. I'm conflicted and uncertain about the afterlife as a result, unable to choose between him and prostitution. I took his hand and informed him that Anju was pregnant and would be gone for several months.
"She will give birth shortly, and we still have a few months of safe work." Those remarks will definitely serve as a calming fragrance. Before I entered the picture, Anju was the community's favorite sex worker. That wasn't the whole story, either. She also took her crown back after I became unsightly. With the exception of Alfaz, I was in terrible shape. The mother of Alfaz then gave me a phrase which slowly but steadily impacted many lives.
"Don't invest in things you don't have since they won't last forever, but you are the one thing that will last till you pass away. Don't allow any room for honking of unwanted; instead, help yourself to a knowledge of lovely bird melodies." Alfaz's mother was almost out of breath, but she was close to the vast blue sky and closest to the universe.
"Love your body, they will equally help you maintain your soul." Alfaz, her only son, was left to handle everything after her death.
While we are in severe condition as a result of the epidemic, she made him an engagement proposal to me. Anyone who would have dared to face us must have understood that breathing is more heavenly than dying of lust. During the pandemic, we were simply stowing away junks of debt in our beds. People are gradually conquering their phobia by becoming wildly exposed. However, it still takes a few miles to break even as things return to normal.
They have transformed, and shockingly, some others have also become more comfortable in their own flesh. I have no cause to hold our beloved responsible for their scathing remarks that betrayed us. Their publicity has only increased our notoriety. During the first year of the pandemic, everything was going smoothly, but when we started to lose concern for the coronavirus, the situation changed. But because we weren't communicating effectively, our friendship soured. I learned more about Alfaz at that time. Although they were also invited, Alfaz and I only celebrated that one Eid together. We apologized on social media for missing this opportunity to invite you, but promised to have a big reunion the next year.That nearly eliminated the nasty communication gap between us. I did have high hopes for them, and when numerous calls and text messages went unanswered, I felt like a complete failure. Alfaz advised me to move to a less expensive location because it will ease our strain of paying rent. They would have come anywhere with genuine blessings if they had truly loved us, and we don't need to demonstrate it to them. Yes, Alfaz was accurate, so we moved into a less expensive rental without thinking about our beloved. And in that little area, I was able to rediscover happiness, and being away from the majority of people helped me grow stronger. I began to expect more from Alfaz since I saw him as a more promising muscle man.
I didn't hesitate to say, "Why don't you drop your dirty clothes into my room, and I'll have them cleaned up," because he is trying to close the door on me for being a dependent man for all that society labels women as machines for doing around the house.
"I just got a new shirt, and it's all clean."
He began to divulge more.
"Let's get a cup of coffee." I may be foolish, but I do have some intentions of dragging him into the unfavorable discourse.
From the bridge, people are observing, enjoying the flood, taking selfies, and creating recordings. Will he attempt to make any, I wonder? Will he take selfies for me? I'll be in my forties in a few years and have accomplished nothing. The memories that are like floods when they come back, sleeping with only two hands, and spending years staring at the ceiling with a broken bulb. I worry that even if I have a lot of aura to share with many different people, I won't have any to keep me going on my deathbed. What might her mother have revealed to him regarding me? I've been following her mother's advice to live a hassle-free existence. Total liberation from things that people are attached to yet which only bring them suffering. However, I am concerned about when I will begin receiving the old age allowance. I have to save something, even though that amount might not be enough. I may not have enough memories to think about what I need to do in a minute, so I'll simply have to wait for a miracle. Today I may shove Alfaz and leave him here; the next day, he will undoubtedly return to me without seeking an explanation. I'll do the same thing the following day, and it'll hurt him eventually. I still don't fully understand the oncoming storm. Alfaz sat at our usual bakery shop as I continued to look at him.
Let's celebrate our sorrow someplace lovely, delectable, and pricey, not here today. I grinned at him, but he didn't return the smile before standing stiffly and canceling the order. We tried every tea store in town before settling on this one since it offers the greatest tea and is a good spot to make a few memories. I'm fractionalizing a recollection once more. He moves more slowly because he's starting to feel uncomfortable that I'm going to pay for the coffee and he knows it might be quite pricey. If we had missed getting coffee today when we ran out of money, we might have been able to keep our tummies full for about a week before we passed out from starvation and thirst while lying alone with the thought that we had everything but the air that was actually necessary. Does it really matter, though? We would have to suffer for longer days if we weren't out of breath.
The same cup of coffee would be fine if we didn't care about the price.
"I don't like this place, finish it soon," I found out afterwards that this made him miserable. Alfaz understood that I had a more significant story to share. He held my hand while grinning for a long time, like an afterglow. He intended to make me feel at ease.
I consoled myself, but I couldn't help but be annoyed that he wasn't fleeing from me. He is dissatisfied because Anju won't be around me to harm me during these months and that he is not need to be around to guard me.
Even if we aren't who we are, we completed the elegant coffee. Alfaz hurried to pay the bill, but he was short on cash, so I covered the balance.
We re-started our stroll.
How can I create a scenario that will cause me to speak up and convince him to stop seeing me? I have to leave the country in order to get more money by lying about my age. I might think about sending him some money so he can operate a cart and sell fast food. We won't be cuddling, but we'll both be relaxed. Before I get old, I might feel lonely and then change my mind and go back to him. Can he go through without me? Has he mastered all the tasks his mother used to complete for him so I can leave worry-free.
I got a little bit further before I noticed Alfaz sitting down on the stairs. Let's get everything out of your head. Now speak out. Alfaz grins.
I wouldn't dare approach him for a seat.
I said, "I'm leaving the nation soon," without giving it any thought. He rose up and hugged me while kissing my forehead, but he didn't alter his look in the least.
What if I am doing really is sin and what if Muslim god didn't forvive me? I don't know how many years I have to live in the afterlife and what miserable life I would have to face in rebirth.
We strolled along while keeping our hands silent. This stillness would lead us to the best possible outcome for the rest of our days. Everyone must have unfailing hope, hope for everything given the circumstances and requirements. As I was about to depart with this new responsibility, I was expecting to one day give you a hug without any more burdens. I stopped walking when he took the turn, at which point I, without looking back, turned around with a sorrowful heart. Trading our small amount of happiness for better days is more painful than trading our self-respect for money that didn't help us become one, nor trading it for those close to us who shared their small amount of happiness with us. Although I won't endure greater suffering than Alfaz, there is one thing about meeting you again that would frighten me. Or otherwise, you may pose as a different Ship of Theseus to erase the memories of us, and I would still lose despite our sacrifice.