A particularly bloody scene popped up on the television, causing me to look away as John giggled at my reaction, pulling me in closer to him. I looked up to him and squinted, sending him a dirty look as he laughed even more, leaning down to press his lips against mine while focusing on the flickering television as a piercing scream came out of it.
"It's as if you take some sort of sick joy out of seeing me squeamish at the sight of blood," I growled jokingly, prodding him in the stomach as he twitched away from me. "Are you some kind of masochist or something, John Shop?"
"Hardly," He replied, almost in a whisper as he stared at the screen, cringing as another scream hollered out from the movie. I couldn't bare to look at what was going on, hearing the sound of chainsaws revving and blood spurting, that was quite enough for me. "I wish you liked horror movies, because I have never seen anything this disgusting before."
"Then why do you watch it?" I remarked, hiding my face in his shoulder as the horrific sounds continued. "Do you enjoy punishing yourself?"
He laughed, finally having seen enough as he grabbed the remote and turned off the movie. We sat in the partial darkness of Fletcher's living room, the silence that set in was a relief from the sound of death and dying. He pulled me in closer to him, showering me in kisses before pulling away. "It's okay that you don't like horror movies, I think I can make do without them," John said, taking a moment as he kissed me again as if he couldn't wait any longer. "But please tell me you will at least give haunted houses a chance this Halloween, because that is something I can't go without."
I found myself smiling at the idea of him thinking so far ahead in the future and that he saw me in it, but the crashing reminder of his premonition approaching in only a few short weeks cut away at all of those fantasies. I tried to hide the fact that I had upset myself, but clearly John picked up on it, thinking it was something he had said. "I'm just kidding, Ellion, you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with," He reassured, gently stroking the side of my face.
I shook my head, trying to shake away the image of his death that was a permanent fixture in my mind. "No, no, I'm fine, John, I swear. I would love to go through a haunted house with you, but only if there aren't any clowns because they give me the heebie-jeebies," I said, pushing back all the negative thoughts so that I could focus on the here and now.
He looked excited, nodding at me as he crossed his fingers over each other. "If there's a clown, I'll tell him to get lost for you," He said, leaning in to steal another kiss from me.
I found myself lost in every kiss, at first very innocently as he held the side of my face in his hand, but the longer our lips stayed together the more I felt as though my heart was about to pound out of my chest. I gently weaved my arms around his neck, pulling myself in closer to him as one of his hands drifted down to the middle of my back and held me in place. The firmness of his hands did things to me that I didn't know were possible, wanting more of him as I gently parted my lips and allowed my tongue to caress against his. He seemed shocked by the intensity of my kiss at first, but slowly melted into it with a bit more coaxing of my eager tongue. There was a desperation inside of me that wanted to show how deeply I was feeling for John, that these emotions were becoming more than I could handle and I needed to get them out. I pushed my body up closer against him, hooking one of my legs around his as I took control. He eased back into the couch, lifting his hand from my face to snake down to my thigh to hold me in place, stroking his fingers along the fleshy area before digging them in as I pulled myself onto his lap, straddling him as I dragged my fingers through his blonde tresses. Our breathing picked up, both eagerly mashing our lips against one another, the sweet taste of his mouth enveloping my own. His hands were stationary at first, fingers curiously stroking until they began to linger slowly, his hand on my thigh now found its way to one hip and the other dug up between my shoulder blades, pulling me in again as he straightened his neck to kiss me with more force.
He pulled his lips from mine so that they could slip down my neck, finding their place at my collarbone as he curiously marked each part of my skin with his kisses, holding me tightly against him as I gasped in excitement with each tender movement of his mouth. I was embarrassed to admit how much I wanted him to pick me up in his arms, throw me down on the couch, and to take me. But I reserved these temptations, finding myself melting into him further as his fingers began to linger once more, crawling up my stomach before coming to a halt. He pulled his lips from my skin, turning his head away as he tried to catch his breath. I could tell he was getting too far ahead of himself, shaking his head at me.
"This is too soon," He said quietly, but his fingers were anxiously digging into my skin as if he was ready to do whatever it took to have me completely. He fought against these emotions, taking a deep breath while steadying himself. I didn't want him to stop, pushing myself against him once more as I kissed the side of his face, my mouth lingering over to his earlobe to gently clasp between my lips, causing him to tense up completely while breathing heavily through his nostrils. He stayed like this for a moment before he quickly pulled away from me, picking me up to place me down beside him as he stood up, walking away from me as he raked his fingers through his hair. "Ellion," He said softly, keeping his back turned to me as he breathed deeply, "you have to believe me that it's not that I don't want to ---"
I immediately felt bad, having gotten lost in the heat of the moment. My cheeks went red as I covered myself up with my sweater, shaking my head. "No, no, please don't explain yourself – I understand," I replied, feeling the warmth in my stomach almost unbearable at this point. I really did want him, but not before the time was right.
He finally turned around to face me, his face half-lit by the soft lamp in the window. Our eyes held contact for a long moment, almost as if he was going to say to heck with it and break the distance between us to continue what we had been doing previously, but he reserved himself. He shook away whatever was in his head, shoving his hands nervously in his pockets. "I really like you, and that's why I think it's better that we wait. I never thought I would say this, it makes me sound like such a pansy, but I think it's better this way," He explained.
"It doesn't make you a pansy to want to wait, John," I interjected, and he nodded.
"Wrong wording, I know, but I can't begin to explain to you how important it is that we talk this all through first," He said, finally coming back to sit down on the couch beside me, placing his hand over top of mine. "I want it to be perfect with you, but it wouldn't be that way if we don't discuss what we both want and need. I don't know what you want, Ellion, but most of all I don't know what you don't want."
I had never had someone put it that way to me before, especially since when Atheson and I finally had sex it seemed to just happen. There wasn't much of a conversation beforehand, it was simply both of us saying that we should finally do it, that we were ready. I didn't know what John wanted me to say to him, so I asked him just that. At first he looked surprised that I had to ask, but then he realized that perhaps I didn't have as much experience as I might have let on.
"I want to know your limits and what you are comfortable with," John said, going on to explain that he was the type of lover to make sure that the other party was always at a place of comfort during sex. I liked the care he seemed to put into this conversation, instantly feeling less embarrassed. "Most of all, I want to make sure that we are always on the same page."
I could have kissed him right then and there, but I reserved it as he went on to explain how consensual sex was always going to be most important for him and that we both enjoy ourselves without feeling pressured. He told me that he would prefer to take me out on more dates to get to know me better and that once we were both sure, even if that took a long time to get to that point, then we could discuss it again. I liked this plan much better than jumping into sex head first, and nodded along to what he was saying. Something about the way he approached everything with me made it feel as though he wanted all of it to be special, that perhaps he was feeling as strongly as I was.
The front door opened so we brought our conversation to a halt, listening as Fletcher talked away on the phone to someone without acknowledging our presence in the house. His voice was hushed but he was talking about something to do with someone dying, and after listening for a few more seconds I realized he was talking about Marik. I had forgotten that Marik's premonition was supposed to happen last night, so it must have come true. Fletcher paused as he walked past the living room, finally noticing the two of us as we looked over to him. He nodded at us before walking down the hallway and into the kitchen, disappearing from sight but not entirely from ear shot as he kept his voice low. John excused himself to go to the bathroom, and I waited until he was far enough away to sneak to the edge of the living room in order to listen in to Fletcher's conversation.
"Listen, this is a bad time for everyone, right? We don't know where to go from here, so there's no sense in trying to figure it out until the estate gets settled. I still have all of my receipts, I'll hold onto them but you guys just figure out whatever it is you need to figure out on your end. There's no rush," Fletcher said, almost a little bit too relaxed for a man who was in debt of a dead man. "Yes, I understand. But there's no sense in trying to figure it out when he's got how many accounts on the go? I know what I owe him, you know what I owe him, let's just leave the easy stuff for last, okay? I'm not going anywhere any time soon, so do what ya gotta do to get his crap figured out. No, I'm not trying to buy time, I'm giving you guys some more time to get his losses together instead of worrying about little guys like me, you know?"
I heard John approaching, quickly sitting back down on the couch before he entered the living room again. He eyed the direction of the kitchen before leaning in to place a kiss on my cheek, a smile erupting from his face.