The current pulled us gently down the stream, bumping over every small wave on the way as they quietly crashed against the front and sides of the canoe. I looked back at John, allowing my oar to go limp for a moment while he kept us in the proper direction. I smiled at him and he returned a smile, but he had a look of concentration on his face as he continued to steer our canoe. The sun was warm, which was fortunate seeing as how the mist that spat up every so often from the water was bitterly cold. I thought that wearing three-quarter length sleeves would be fine, but I wished I had worn a sweater instead. I didn't want to complain though because the weather was absolutely beautiful for this time of year.
Jannie and Freddy were in the second canoe and they were easily a good forty feet ahead of us, neither one taking time to slow down and enjoy the scenery. It didn't surprise me in the slightest seeing as how Jannie always liked the end result rather than the time it takes to get somewhere, that was always how she operated. I had a feeling that they had other plans for the rest of their afternoon, but enjoyed that they decided to take the time to spend with us.
John began to slow the canoe, rowing backwards to get us to slow down. I followed his lead as he began to steer us towards the shore until we were close enough to bring the nose of the canoe up onto land, securing it in place with some extra rope we had between us. John steadied the craft until I was able to depart it, quickly joining me right after I was safely on dry land. I waited for him to join my side, watching as he shaded his eyes from the sunlight with his hand as he looked up to a narrow path that was leading up the side of a mountain. He asked me if I wanted to try to climb it, and I figured that it was well worth it. Jannie and Freddy probably wouldn't even notice that we weren't following behind.
We climbed for a good thirty to forty minutes until we reached a plateau where we could overlook some of the park and how the stream weaved in and out of the trees, how it did a full loop around the park before branching out to a larger body of water. We talked for a long time about what we both wanted out of life; John went on to explain how he really wanted to work in a small community to help troubled kids who either have absent parents or no parents at all, teaching them coping mechanisms of how to make it in the world alone but also how to build networks of people around them as a support system. He explained that the idea came to him when he was struggling to deal with the situation with his parents and how much he wished there was a resource for someone in his position, and how he kept coming up empty whenever he researched it. He also mentioned how he loved the idea of an outreach program to help at-risk youth implement goals as well as getting the care and attention that they not only need, but deserve. The more he spoke about his dreams and goals, the more I felt myself falling for him – but most of all it made me wonder why anyone would want to murder a man like Johnathan Shop.
"I really need to stop talking about myself," John laughed, leaning over to pick a stray leaf out of my hair. "Tell me more about what you would love to do in the future."
"Is it bad that I really haven't thought about it much? I try to stay grounded in the present as much as I possibly can," I said. It was true, I was already so wrapped up in the future that it felt nice to have one part of my life that wasn't ahead of its time.
"It's not bad, really. But there has to be something you want to do besides deliver groceries?"
"My job is easy and I get to spend time with people who ---" I stopped myself before I could say people who are going to be deceased soon, clearing my throat before continuing, "--- need my help."
"Don't take offense to this please," He said, examining my face before continuing, "but there are plenty of other jobs where you can help people. You're so good with Elaine, have you thought about nursing?"
I laughed, mostly because I hadn't thought of that and frankly I didn't want to be quite that close to so many people nearing death. I wasn't sure I could handle that many people at one time. I composed myself, shrugging my shoulders at him. "I just don't think a different career is what I want yet, but I'm sure I'll know what I want when the time comes."
"Well, I admire how committed you are to your job," He concluded, taking a sip of his water bottle before spinning the cap back on and standing up. "You'll figure out what you want to do when the time is right."
I smiled, joining him on my feet as I looked over the valley below us. "Timing is everything, in my opinion," I replied, feeling him wrap his arm around my waist to pull me in closer to his side. "I would hate to rush a minute of my life simply because that's what other people may do. I'm comfortable in the here and now, especially since it means I get to spend time with you."
He chuckled to himself, using his free hand to tilt my chin to his so that he could kiss me. The more time that I spent with John, the more I wished it would last longer. I hated to think that it had already been a few weeks since we first met and it wouldn't be long now until it was time for the premonition to happen. Whenever I looked back at the time we spent together, it felt like it had all gone by too fast – and I hoped that at some point it would slow down long enough so that I could take in every moment.
When I pulled away from his lips, I looked straight into his brown eyes to take in every fleck that I may one day never get to see again. I wasn't sure how it was possible, but a part of me was sure that I was falling in love with John. I didn't want to admit it entirely, because it felt too soon – but at the same time, I couldn't deny what I felt. Something about the way John and I connected seemed like it was meant to be, that we were supposed to be together all along. But if that were the case – why did he have to die? I felt the crushing weight of his death looming over top of us, trying my best to push it out of my mind and yet it never quite went away.
After spending a bit more time overlooking the valley, we decided to head back to our campsite. We walked hand in hand down the mountain, heading towards the stream where we had left the canoe tied up. John was in the midst of telling me a story as we pulled up to where the canoe should have been, stopping in the midst of what he was saying to look around as if we had taken a wrong turn.
"Isn't this where we tied the canoe?" I questioned, joining him in looking down each end of the stream. I felt an anxiousness rattle inside of me, trying to keep calm as I made sure that we were in the right location. I saw the same set of downed trees by the path and the rock with weird shaped moss on it – we were definitely in the right place. "Oh my god, did our canoe float away?" I asked, stepping right up to the shoreline to see if there was any way it had gotten stuck halfway down the stream.
John shook his head adamantly, pulling off his knapsack to pull grab a map and a compass from inside of it. He bent down to place everything on the ground so that he could use one finger to follow along the stream while balancing his compass in the other hand, looking up a few times to gather his surroundings. "There's no way it could have floated away, I made sure it was secured – it wasn't going anywhere," He stated, picking his map up from the ground so that he could walk over to me, pointing to where we were. "There's no way we could walk back to the camp site before dark. Our best bet is to stay where we are and hope that someone comes by in between now and sunset," John directed, looking to me for my thoughts on the matter.
"Did someone actually steal our canoe – what kind of person does something like that?" I said, trying to restrain myself the best that I could but it seemed like such a silly thing for someone to do. It had only cost us fifteen dollars to rent the canoe for the afternoon, why couldn't the thief have done the same? Now we were stranded over three hours away from our campsite, with only a little bit of water in our canteens and a few snacks in our knapsacks. I sighed, perching myself on a nearby rock. "Well, there goes our afternoon," I said, chuckling a little afterward.
John settled beside me, pulling off his knapsack entirely so that he could search through it. Pulling out a lunch bag that hadn't been the one he had packed, looking through it for a moment before handing it to me. "I must have picked up Freddy's snacks – are you hungry?" He said, motioning for me to pick through what was there.
I pulled off my backpack and realized that I had forgotten my own snacks at the campsite, sighing as I set my pack at my feet before looking into Freddy's lunch bag. I retrieved a bag of trail-mix from inside of it, but it appeared to have some variation from what I was used to. I decided to leave the dried plantains and apricots for John while we shared a bag of crackers between us. As I ate a small handful of the trail-mix I noticed that something about it tasted strange, but didn't want to admit how disgusting it tasted so I continued to eat it. I offered John some but he wasn't a huge fan of peanuts, so I finished the bag off. It left an odd taste in my mouth, sipping at my water to try to dilute the bite of the odour.
John munched away on a dried apricot, wrinkling his nose a bit as he took the empty bag of trail-mix from me and sniffed at it. "Did it go bad or something?" He questioned, trying to hide a teasing smile that played on his lips.
"Oh thank god you said something, I didn't want to be rude – it tasted terrible. I don't know what Freddy put in that, it almost tasted like dried and moldy mushrooms," I laughed, feeling a bit of warmth spiking up in my stomach. Funny enough, I felt satisfied from the trail-mix and didn't feel the need to snack on any more of the crackers.
John raised an eyebrow at me, putting down the bag as he stared at me suspiciously for a moment. "Wait – it tasted like mushrooms?"
"Yeah, sort of looked like them, too," I replied, pausing for a minute as I examined the look on his face. "Zero out of ten, would not recommend Freddy's special trail-mix recipe."
John let out a chuckle, confusion marking his face as he shook his head for a moment, bringing the bag up beneath his nose so that he could take a small whiff of it. He turned the plastic bag around a few times in his hands, trying to hold back a smile that was desperate to escape. He looked up to me, his eyebrows pulling together. "You wouldn't happen to know what magic mushrooms are?"
I shrugged. "I mean, as much as any other person would from the assemblies at school when the police would come in to talk about drugs, but I've never done them before. I've never done any drugs before," I paused as I raised an eyebrow at him, seeing him pucker his lips as he let out a sigh. "Why do you ask?"
He reached over to place his hand on my knee, shaking it gently as he patted it. "I'm not entirely sure, but I think Freddy's special trail-mix may have been special for a reason. I think there may have been shrooms in it, but I could be wrong."
"What? Are you trying to tell me that I just ate a whole bag of drugs?" My heart skipped a beat, eyes wide as I grabbed the bag from his hands and tried to remember how much had been in there.
"Don't panic," He reassured, turning so that he could face me directly, resting his arms on my lap as he looked up to me from the ground. "The last thing you want to do is to get worked up, it's better if you stay calm. Besides, it might not have been that at all – only time will tell."
I felt panic surge through me, not sure if I was feeling anything or not. "You're joking, right? I didn't actually eat magic mushrooms, did I? Oh god, John, I've never done drugs before and I haven't had any desire to – this can't be happening!"
He tried to hide the fact that a smile was playing at his lips, clearly entertained by the idea of me having consumed an entire bag of hallucinogens. But I could tell he was also worried, the two emotions bouncing back and forth on his face like a game of ping-pong. "It's going to be fine, Ellion, I promise. Just try to take it easy. If what you did was mushrooms then it won't set in for awhile."
"How do you know so much about drugs?" I inquired, feeling the warmth continue to envelop me inch by inch.
"Ryler had his experimentation phase," John informed, shrugging his shoulders at me. "Don't worry, I never did anything bad. I smoked marijuana once but it wasn't for me, I didn't like the feeling of it. But I remember a lot when Ryler was experimenting with different substances, and all I can really tell you is to take it easy and let it happen."
"Could I force myself to throw-up? Would that make any difference?" I said, unable to hide the panic in my voice.
"Possibly, but I think it's a bit too late at this point. Just let it happen, okay? We'll wait for someone to find us and then we can head back to the tent to relax there. It's not going to be as bad as you think," John reassured, cupping my face in the palm of his hand. "I'll be with you the entire time, I promise. You're just going to feel really good for a few hours and then it will be over with."
"Am I going to hallucinate? Oh god, I don't want to see anything scary, I'm not good with scary things," I said, feeling myself getting anxious at the thought of it all. John steadied my face in his hands, forcing me to look him straight in the eyes. "Sweetie, you're not going to see anything scary, it's going to be fine. I hate to say this, but you may end up enjoying yourself."
My heart skipped a beat when he called me sweetie, feeling as though I was melting – literally. I stopped for a moment as I placed my hands down on the rock beneath me, feeling the rough exterior start to soften as though I was sitting on a pillow. My hands flew up at my sides, feeling as though my eyes were about to bulge from my head as I looked around and noticed a slight delay in my vision. John watched me carefully, trying to follow my line of sight before turning his full attention back on me.
"You okay?" He asked, stifling a giggle as he watched my face ease when I looked around. I wasn't entirely sure what I was looking at, but I knew there were trees around, that the stream was really loud beside me, and that I didn't feel like I was sitting on the rock anymore. I was still able to think properly and identify what was going on, but everything seemed to be slowing down. He snapped his fingers a few times, but it didn't register for me for a few seconds until it sounded as though the snapping was rattling inside of my head. "Ellion?"
"Whoa," I said, shaking my head a few times. It was as though I could feel every strand of hair brush the back of my neck, reaching up to feel my hair that was pulled into a ponytail. I hadn't realized how soft my hair was until now. "I feel like I'm dreaming – am I?"
I still felt like I was connected to present time, but everything was starting to skew as I looked around at the beautiful woods that surrounded us. "You're not dreaming, Ellion, not yet. Do you feel okay, though? Why don't you come sit down on the ground beside me?"
I nodded and joined him, my movements felt heavy and restrained as I tried to stand up. He gently guided me beside him, wrapping his arm around me to pull me in close to him. I loved how warmth seemed to exude from him as if he were a soft burning furnace that had just been stoked, sending little spits of fire into the atmosphere. I snuggled in closer to him and the texture of his shirt was so smooth that I found myself nuzzling my face into the side of his shoulder, rubbing my cheek against him like a cat. He couldn't help but laugh, turning his face away from mine.
"What's going on in that head of yours?" He questioned.
I stopped nuzzling so that I could look up to him, seeing his face swirl a little bit. I had never seen anything like it, almost like looking into a slow moving kaleidoscope where the image was being stretched out and contorted. "This is really weird," I said despite the fact that it felt like my words hadn't come out of my mouth at all, but rather some other place far behind me. I turned to look behind me to see if someone else had said it before looking back at John, shaking my head. "I'm a little scared."
He stroked a few hairs back behind my ear, shaking his head in return. "Don't be, nothing here is going to hurt you. Just look around at how beautiful it all is – don't you think?"
I nodded, watching his lips move as the sound dragged out. "Is it just us?"
He smiled, looking around for a moment before turning his attention to me once more. "Just us, Ellion, no one else. Maybe a few frogs, possibly some squirrels – but there's nothing else here."
"Not even a Sasquatch?"
His laugh roared through the air, it was almost as though I could visibly see the echoes it caused bouncing around us. "No, Ellion, there's no Sasquatches here. Even if there were, I'm sure he's got his own business to deal with."
"Like a store, right?"
He laughed again, watching the echoes bounce from tree to tree. I found myself laughing now. Was I always this funny? "I don't know why a Sasquatch would need a store, but I guess they have to get their groceries from somewhere."
"That's nonsense, Johnathan," I poked him gently in the stomach, watching him burst out into laughter as he gently grabbed my hand and moved it away from his stomach. "There wouldn't be a grocery cart big enough for a Sasquatch."
"And it's not nonsense that a Sasquatch would go grocery shopping – just that there aren't carts his size?"
"Of course. Not to mention doorways, he'd end up hitting his head – or something like that," I shrugged, leaning back onto the palms of my hands as I felt my head nod backwards, looking up to white clouds that were drifting lazily in the puppy blue sky. "I think I'm okay, don't you?"
I really did think I was going to be okay, and how could I not when everything felt so warm and soft around me? I slowly laid back onto the gravel, using one hand to pick up a stone to roll between my fingers as I listened to the sound of the stream rushing by. John reassured me that I was going to be fine, and with that in mind I found myself drifting into a dreamlike state. I don't know how long I was laying on the ground for, but it felt like a comfortable eternity. I had thoughts roll into my head just like the clouds above me, thinking about how I was grateful my house hadn't burnt down to the ground entirely, and that I really wanted to see Elaine continue to dance just like the woman from the movie. I wanted Jannie to be able to get married like she had always dreamed of and to have a big wedding with every flower on earth finding a home there. My thoughts continued to roll on by, feeling a humble smile marking my lips as I watched each cloud shift around in the sky. The next thought that came into my head was about John, and just how handsome he was. I loved the dimple that only appeared in one cheek whenever he smiled with his mouth shut, and how he had a stray freckle by the left side of his nose. I then thought of his lips on mine and how good it felt to be kissed like I was the only woman on the planet, wishing he would kiss me right at that moment. I felt like a young girl with her first crush, gushing over every piece that made up the man that was John Shop.
I managed to lazily turn my head to the side, seeing him still sitting beside me as he balanced his forearms against his knees and scanned out over the stream ahead of us. I reached up to tug on the side of his shirt, causing him to look down at me. "I would really like for you to kiss me right now," I asked, a cheeky smile appearing on my mouth like a tidal wave hitting a shore.
"I bet you would," He replied, turning on his side and balancing his head on his palm as he looked at me. "But I think it'd be better if I kissed you when you're not on mushrooms."
"I'd like to disagree with you on that one, sir," I said, a chorus of giggles breaking out. I couldn't seem to control the fact that I wanted to laugh at everything. I sat up slightly so that I could sit on my knees, crawling up towards him to steal a kiss. He kissed me back but pulled away quickly, shaking his head.
"Okay, that's enough," He concluded, helping me to sit back down on my knees again. But I felt myself drawn to him and his lips, wanting them on mine. It was this uncontrollable hunger, trying my best to contain myself but still unable to fight off the urge. I crawled up towards him again, wrapping my arms around his neck as I pressed my lips against his, feeling him kiss back only for a moment before he turned his face away from mine. "Ellion, please don't."
I kissed his cheek, stroking my fingers through his hair. "I think you're really beautiful," I whispered, my words dragging out beyond my control.
He smiled, still avoiding my kisses as I tried to meet his mouth. He sat up, pulling away from me as he gently used his hands to keep me in place. "I'm not trying to disrespect you, but it isn't okay for me to kiss you when you're like this."
"Like what? High?" I asked, laughing at the word.
"You're feeling a lot of emotions, it's normal – but I don't want you to do something you might later regret."
"I'm still me, John."
"I know you are," He replied, sitting up straight as he watched me settle on my knees. "But you also took Freddy's mushrooms, and I don't even know how much was in there. Regardless of that, I don't want to kiss you unless you're in a straight mindset. It's not fair to you."
"Oh," I replied, shrugging. "Can we talk about kissing, though? I don't know why, but that's all I can think about right now."
He smiled, nodding. "If you want to talk about that, then we can."
I laid down again, but this time on my stomach while John placed my backpack beneath my head so that I was comfortable. We didn't end up talking about kissing, but rather I started asking John more about himself; I wanted to know what his middle name was – Alexander – and his favourite food – steak – and what type of music he liked – Stevie Nicks. All of these questions seemed very important to me at the time, as though I was studying for a very important test all about John and I needed to take as many notes as possible. Somehow our conversation strayed away from little facts and into John talking about his childhood with his mom, enjoying every little anecdote he told me about her. He told me about how when he was five years old and scared that there were spiders in the drain of the bathtub, so his mom sat down inside of it with him and they pretended that they were pirates and the tub was their ship. He told me from that day on he was never afraid of the bathtub again, rather he was always excited to play pirates again with his mom.
I watched carefully as he spoke about her – there was a certain glow to his face whenever he mentioned her name and how much she loved him, almost as though she was shining through him in those moments. I could have sworn for a second I had seen her face in his, even though I had no idea what she looked like. I continued to examine his face as he told me a story about how she helped out with a local seamstress when she held a fashion show, and how she modeled the clothes on a homemade runway. He mentioned how he thought she was the most beautiful woman alive, and that he still thinks so to this day. As he continued to talk, I felt a cloud of sadness roll over me as I thought about the fact that John was going to die and never get the chance to see his mother again – that she may sit in the nursing home in Brook until the day she dies. My heart broke as I thought about it, feeling tears swell in my eyes. I sat up and turned away from him, trying to hide the fact that I was on the verge of tears. He stopped his sentence midway, leaning forward as he tried to catch a glimpse of my face.
"Hey – are you crying?" He asked, hearing the soft sniffles come from my direction. He quickly pulled himself up beside me, wrapping his arms around me as he pulled me into him. I couldn't help but cry when I thought of the fact that his mother wouldn't be able to see him again, that she would be left alone, and that John was going to die. He shushed me softly, stroking my hair as I cried in his arms. "What happened? Did I say something to upset you?"
I shook my head, feeling awfully stupid for crying. "Why are you upset? What did I say to make you cry?"
I looked over to him, seeing how handsome he was and finding myself wondering what kind of heartless human being could want to smudge out the light in those eyes of his. I couldn't figure it out and wished that I could save him, feeling at a loss as to how I was supposed to. John hushed me as he cradled me in his arms, kissing the top of my head as he did. The second that his lips met my head, I felt myself pull away from this reality and into another – my view of the world quickly shifting.