[ Sunday, June 19 ]
A few minutes later after the church service ended, the people started talking and greeting each other, discussing different things, while the others headed to the church's exit. Vaughn shook the hands of the other church members, even if he doesn't know all of them. I believe that nothing's bad with being friendly, but it just felt weird to randomly shake hands with people you hardly know.
But it's Vaughn, after all. It's not like I'm going to complain about that positive attitude of his. I'm not complaining but shaking hands with people are simply not me. For him, it's good to be surrounded by people who have the same belief, that Jesus saved us from our sins. I believe so too, that everyone who believes in Jesus shall be saved from eternal death because Christ is the only way to heaven. But I'm going to be honest, I can feel that I'm not spiritually healthy, unlike Vaughn.
Vaughn shook the hands of the last people around and looked at me.
"So, shall we?" I asked even though I know exactly what his answer will be, relieved with the fact that he's already done.
"Yes, I'm done so we can have our lunch." He looked at me, trying to read my facial expression.
"Um, you don't look so happy today."
"Huh? Oh, don't mind me, I just had some issues yesterday but nothing I can't handle."
"You sure?"
I nodded, and he held my hand as we went out of the church.
Vaughn and I came up with a Japanese restaurant for lunch. We chose a seat near the window, which shows the overview of the city – for this restaurant is located on the 5th floor of the building.
The waiter gave us the menu, but since it's our first time to be in a Japanese restaurant, we completely have no idea about their food. All pages of the menu looked so foreign to me, and I'm not really sure which is edible or not. I tried some Japanese foods before, but that was a long time ago, I no longer remember which will suit my tastes. I've decided to try Chicken katsu and he ordered Ramen, for those were their best-sellers. Assuming that those are tasty. I believe so because I saw some people eating it here.
While waiting, I decided to break the ice between the two of us.
"Vaughn, what exactly do you know about my sister?" I began, and my heart started beating like a drum. I never wanted to ask him about this, and I'm afraid to know the answer. Apparently, there are some things in life that can't be kept as a secret forever. I trust my gut that he knows something about Sasha.
He looked at me once again, his eyes filled with worry. "Summer or Sasha?"
"Sasha, obviously."
"What about her?"
"I was the one who's asking."
"I don't know much about her, we hardly talk. All I know is she's a college girl taking Legal Management as her degree, she's secretive, quite distant from her own family, and a basic rebel."
"Rebel in what way?"
"She wastes her life. Flings with different men and something similar to that."
I don't know if he's lying or not. I believe that it's not just that. There has to be something that Sasha's hiding. If I'll be too honest to myself, pretty much like Summer, I hardly care about her. Because I can't stand her personality. I don't have any basis, but I'm guessing that she's a sad person who simply wants to look for happiness, attention, and love – love that cannot be given by our parents because they're always too busy managing our business. It's not really surprising.
"So, enough of Sasha. Can we go have fun somewhere after this? I believe you're free today." Vaughn asked, cutting my thoughts about Sasha.
"I think that's fine. Where to?"
"Anywhere with a grand piano. I want you to hear the new song that I composed for you." The feeling of annoyance from our topic earlier began to fade, lightening up my feeling. I've always loved the songs that Vaughn composed. Years ago, he said that he hated singing, but he tried to sing because he knows that I love listening to songs. At first, his voice wasn't that nice, but he managed to hit the right notes. I didn't mind about his voice quality, but the effort of doing something he hates just to make me happy. I see it as something truly sweet. Later, he exerted huge efforts in improving himself, until he loved singing. And the best part among all of these is that he composes songs for me, up to this day.
"You wrote another song? What's the title this time?"
"Morning thoughts." The title sounded simple, but I can't help but be curious about its lyrics.
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Vaughn lifted the cover of the grand piano in our house, and I sat next to him as he played.
"My lady, this is a short song, and probably not my best but, I tried." He began as he pressed the piano keys. He played the intro of the song and began singing its lyrics.
In a bright, cold day I woke up
With a mind filled with thoughts
About you, and my heart speaks
but words never came out
I smile at the thought of you,
A smile that gives light to my day,
A smile that melts everything away
So, I stood up in front of the mirror
Trusted my own reflection
And say how much you mean to me
The song was good while it lasted, but it left me lots of questions. Are those simply some lyrics, or something that he experienced? I can't imagine how hard it is for him to say how important I am to him. After all, he's my fiancé. We're not strangers to each other. But the way how the lyrics were composed, it sounded like something stops him from expressing what he really feels. Vaughn is Vaughn, I do feel that I matter to him. But ironically, his song didn't deliver the same message.
My thoughts fleeted as I see Sasha watching us from afar. Vaughn looked at the direction where she's standing. I cannot read minds, but her eyes say it all. It's like she's keeping some anger seeing us together. Something's not right.
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[ Wednesday, June 22 ]
I placed my phone and planner inside my bag and zipped it close. As I open the door of my office, I heard a familiar voice that made me stop from stepping outside. Vaughn was on his phone, talking with someone via call.
"How many times do I have to tell you? I don't have time for this. Just forget about me. I love Amethyst, and I'll always do. That would never change, and not even you can change it." He said. I narrowed my eyes and listened carefully to his next words. He paused for a while, listening to the person on the other side of the line. Until he spoke again, "We need to talk, and I want this to be the last time. Where are you?"
Few more seconds later, he hung up, and I followed him 'till he reached the carpark. Without any second thought, I followed his car to see who he will meet this evening.
Half an hour later, I saw him park his car outside a bar. I followed him 'till he got inside. The thought alone that he's entering in a bar already disturbs me, because this isn't so him. Vaughn will never go to a place like this, and now I believe there has to be a valid reason why he's doing this.
The suffocating mixed scent of beer and nicotine dominated the entire atmosphere of the bar. The place was dark, and only the disco lights served as the light in the place. An earsplitting music, more like a noise was heard in the background. People were mostly dancing wildly, some were drinking cocktail drinks and some other kinds of alcohol like vodka and whiskey at the corner. I can't believe this place. If there's such thing called as the den of sinners, this would be the best example that I can give.
"Hi gorgeous," an unfamiliar voice said, and I turned around to see who it was, revealing a man with an unbuttoned shirt, his toned abs made him look like a Greek god. He holds a drink, and his side-swept bangs covered a part of his eye. A slow smile creeps in his face as he saw me turn.
I gave him a blank facial expression, not showing any hints of interest. I am engaged, after all, and I'm not the type who easily gets attracted with the physical appearance. I rolled my eyes and as I turn back, but he grabbed me by the wrist.
"You don't easily bite, don't you? I'm just looking for a nice fling." He ogled at me, sending shivers to my spine.
"Quit it. I don't have time for flinging. I'm engaged and I'll remain loyal to my fiancé. So, bounce." I warned, pulling my wrist away from him.
I searched the place, looking for Vaughn. Fortunately, it didn't take me long to find him. He was grabbing Sasha from a guy who had his arms around her waist. I couldn't hear any of their words because of the loud music, but I can see that Vaughn's forcing Sasha to come with him. What's going on? First of all, I never knew that Sasha has a boyfriend. What would our parents think when they find out that Sasha's been wasting her life in bars like this? Has Vaughn always been aware of Sasha being like this?
Sasha suddenly shouted and cried, yet, not a single soul minded her action. Vaughn gave her a stern look, slightly nodding. He let go of her wrist, turned his back and disappeared into the sea of people.
I ran to his direction and searched for him, pushing away the wasted people as if they're curtains, without even bothering to think about what they might say. When I found him, I pulled him from behind, closing the gap between the two of us. "Vaughn, wait."
"Let go of me. I already did my part but you never listened. My words will break your heart but it's the least of my worries, you never listened anyway. So, everything is pointless. Just get over me and stop wasting your life in this place." His words were as cold as ice and like a bolt of piercing straight through my heart. He turned around, seeing me. His mouth threw open in surprise, his eyes widening in shock after realizing the effect of the words that he spoke.
"Amethyst, I'm so sorry. It wasn't for you. I didn't mean to –" he wiped the tears from my eyes and secured me in his arms. "Look, there's definitely a good explanation for this. I'm sorry again. I thought I was talking to someone else."
"Who did you think I was then? My sister? Sasha?" I nearly choked the last word.
"What do you know?"
"Is there anything I need to know aside from what I saw?"
Vaughn pulled away to face me. "I don't know what you saw, but I went here because your sister has been wasting her life here. I was only concerned about her safety. None of you knows about this so –"
"And you never told anyone of us that this is her way of life?" I asked, fuming. "How can you keep such thing? How long have you been doing this? How long has she been doing this?"
"It doesn't matter. We'll talk about that later. I believe the best thing that we should do is to convince her to come with us."
"You just left her, didn't you? Now you want her back?"
"For goodness' sake, Amethyst! I gave up earlier. But I realized that I did the wrong thing. Now let's just convince her to come. Hopefully, if she didn't listen to me, she'll listen to you."
Vaughn never shouted at me. Everything feels wrong. He isn't like the Vaughn that I know. I've known him since college, but I think I still don't know a lot about him. If he didn't inform us about Sasha's wrongdoings, how many secrets has he been keeping? What more don't I know? They say that even the slightest hint of doubt in marrying a person should never be ignored because it's good enough to conclude that it's time to cancel everything. Is this the slightest hint that the quote says?
A few minutes later, we found Sasha, her lips pressed on the lips of some ill-looking punk, his arms all over her, kissing as if nobody's watching. I pulled Sasha away from him, securing her in my arms, hugging her from the back. Vaughn grabbed the man's collar and punched him.
"Get away from me, get off me!" Sasha stormed, trying to free herself from my tight hug, which I believe are tight enough to break her bones.
"Sasha, I don't know if what's in my mind are correct, but you can't be here. Just listen and come with us. I promise not to tell anyone else about this." I assured.
"Stop acting like you care, because you don't! None in our family does! You're a fake, Amethyst! You are!"
I let go of her and looked at her straight in the eyes. "What are you implying?"
"You're fake because I know that you never cared, yet you're acting like you do. You and Vaughn! You're just the same as the rest of them!"
"As much as everything disgusts me, I'm doing this because you're my sister and you're my responsibility! I still care about you, that's why I'm doing this."
"I don't need your pity. Just leave me alone!"
"Stop it, both of you! Let's just get out of this place!" Vaughn yelled angrily, his voice loud enough to freeze some people in the room.
This is my first time to see Vaughn that angry. He was scary. It made me feel like I'm going to fall apart because of all the disappointments that I had today. He looked away, seemingly relieved that both of us were done quarreling.
To my surprise, Sasha lost consciousness and Vaughn was able to catch him before she falls straight to the floor. He scooped the unconscious girl in his arms and we both headed outside.
An awkward silence prevented us from talking, and I decided to change the direction as I walk.
"You're not coming?" Vaughn asked, his eyes filled with worry.
"I'm not coming with you," I replied.
"Why not?"
"Just so you know, I have my own car, and I can't just leave it here." I tried my best to hide how frustrated I was, but I believe none of it worked.
"Look, I already apologized to you earlier. I thought you were someone else and –" long before he speaks his next word, I started speaking out my thoughts, cutting his explanation.
"Why didn't you tell me that you've been following Sasha in bars? Is there anything else that I need to know? What else are you hiding from me?"
"It's not what you think. Sasha and I are not together. I followed her there to take her back in your home because she's been flinging with different men. I was just concerned, nothing else. She's been like this for months. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you sooner. I believe we talked about that before too. It's not something totally new to you."
"Ugh. Whatever. I can't talk to you now." I said, marching off the scene.
"Amethyst, wait!" Vaughn called, but I didn't bother to look back.
***
Drained from all the revelations that I became aware of in a single day, I decided to stop at the city park and spend some time alone. I want to avoid Vaughn because surely, he'll head to our house to leave Sasha.
Even if it's already late in the evening, some couples are walking together, holding each other's hands. Some middle-aged people are walking together too, simply enjoying the company of their friends. While I'm here, all alone, trying to figure out what to do after the long day that I've been through.