" The wonders in her eyes,
the beauty of her soul,
Once I see her smile,
Then does my heart feel whole."
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Dear Diary,
I am not the best in poetry nor have I tried it my entire life besides on two occasions.
It's funny when I think about the small rhyme I wrote on the top of the page, which is the one I wrote for the girl I liked. It was 4 years ago, I remember.
I was working as a maid in the Duke's mansion, I had a contract to kill the Duke's uncle. I had information he would be there for the New Year feast so I infiltrated the mansion as a maid. I think I joined it in early November.
Getting in was fairly easy, I had my mother's looks going for me. Had she been alive today, I bet she would have been the most beautiful old lady on the planet... but that's just me getting delusional and off track.
"Ah...! I am so immature!!"
Getting back, The duke's son was hungry for me the moment he saw me and I can say the same for the Duke himself. Like father like Son. The pity was the Duke's wife, she was a kind lady but bedridden due to some disease whose name I wouldn't even want to try to spell.
So on my first day, I went into the maid's room to get my dress and cleaning material. Then it was the first time I saw her, sitting on a wooden bench trying to wear her cap. God's grace, she was so beautiful.
She had those big eyes, simple black hair, small bangs and the brightest smile with those white teeth glistening out. Her eyes were like a love potion that she poured into my heart at that very moment she looked at me.
I did not know that a woman could fall for another woman until that moment but I didn't go in that very moment. I needed to be slow and steady before I could a piece of her heart.
The events that followed were in detail in my old diary but I lost it somewhere, I hope nobody finds it But I'll give you a good overview.
We became the best of friends, we used to cook together and clean the halls together. She did not have a home to live in like me, her family was catholic and she wanted to be an atheist but her father kicked her out when she tried to change.
God!, her father was stupid. How can he kick an angel out of his house?
But we got closer and closer, we even had the same sleeping quarters, so we gossiped every night talking about our hardships and the few moments of happiness in our lives.
I was beginning to think we could be together, we even slept in the same bed one time when I was sick due to a cold, she kissed my forehead and even combed my hair. I was so sure she loved me so much.
Of course, I didn't tell her I was a contractor and going the murder a guest in the mansion.... Maybe I should have...? because it only went down from there. I wasn't the only one lying in our relationship.
One day while I was cleaning the table in the main hall, I heard a noise from one of the rooms, it was a voice filled with lust. I quickly rushed to see what was going on and then I saw.
"They are kissing."
Jenny, it was the girl's name. She and the Duke's son were kissing each other. While their hands moved on top of each of their bodies and I was just there to witness it.
I was heartbroken and walked away from the scene. I knew Jenny could never betray me she was such a sweet girl.
"... "
It was the Duke's son, he must've forced himself on her, she must have been forced by him maybe he threatened her by saying he would throw her out.
I was sure of it. That night I still talked to Jenny like nothing happened and her replies were just as joyful. I asked if something had happened today but she said nothing new happened today.
I wondered how long she had bore such an abusive world where were words fake and I believed I was right doing what I was about to do but I wasn't....
The night of the New Year at which everything happened, we served and ran around all night bringing guests all kinds of drinks and food. It was more exhausting than killing half a dozen soldiers with a knife but at the end of it, I was rewarded with what I wanted in the end.
The Duke's uncle was a military man, he did not fall into the common plan of heavy drugging and isolation plan. there was no way I was killing him undetected if I didn't go a bit extreme.
So when He wanted to go the bathroom I volunteered and took him with me and then trusted my seduction skills and looks to get want. I soon did, when he followed me into a bedroom instead of the bathroom. Where he met his end.
I soon left the body and ran for the Duke's son's room, he had already disappeared alongside Jenny a while ago. When I reached the room I forced it open with a single kick breaking the door.
"Isabella, what are you doing?!!" I remembered I heard Jehhny say this.
The moment I saw the two of them in the bed together I threw the knife straight at that evil man it went straight through his left arm.
"Ahhhh!!!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs and I wanted him to for his evil actions on my beloved but Jenny's reaction wasn't normal she wasn't siding with me.
" Vas!?? Oh my god?!"
She began crying and shouting for the wrong person, she was being forced wasn't she?
"What are you?!! You monster from hell! Why did you hurt him?!"
I remembered her words the most clearly and then I realized how stupid I was. How hollow was my love and how weak was my heart?
What are you saying?! I protected you from him!"
"Protect?! I love him. Why protect me from him? What are you thinking?!"
A string of questions and one confession that's all it. It broke apart my thoughts and feelings all I believed and imagined shattered away.
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It was been 4 years since that new year and now I am more mature than the old me but even more infamous than the old me.
From a small-town immigrant girl to a nation-wanted murderer, I've made more progress on the negative side than the positive one.
I also had stopped writing diaries since that day but yesterday when I told Edward, I didn't get Jenny because she was afraid of me, I was feeling this dread and this feeling I needed to get out.
I normally wouldn't have written this, but Edward has become something very special to me right now. His eyes, his smell, and his hair all are on my mind right now but I have to keep focused on my contract too I can't help myself.
You know why? Because Edward is sitting on the bench in the hallway right next to mine.
"I won't be hasty and won't be sharp. I'll win over my love this time."
"The bright knight has come,
to bring his princess light.
May their love last forever,
Just as the Sun shines in the twilight."
- Isabella.
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