ENZO
As I threw open the doors that led to Dad's room, my face slowly contorted into a frown. He was seated in a large sofa, peering at the screen of a computer, with a cigar hanging between his lips as he puffed out smoke at intervals. My jaw clenched tightly. No matter how hard I tried to be indifferent toward him, I could help the resentment I felt each time I was around him. He knew how I felt about smoking..how we all did. But it was a habit he could not seem to quit. I decided I was not going to bring it up again.
He looked up as soon as I walked in, putting out the cigar and gesturing to a chair. "Enzo, come in, please."
I complied, walking across the room and lowering myself into the chair across him.
"How have you been, son? When did you come in?" He asked, stretching out his arm to pat my shoulder. I stiffened, instinctively withdrawing from his touch. An awkward silence followed, and then I cleared my throat.
"I'm good, thank you for asking."
In the silence that followed, I used my time by glancing at him and taking in his features. It seemed like every time I saw him, I was reminded of the fact that he was getting older. I wasn't sure whether I was just in awe or if it was just startling. Surely a little bit of both. His once smooth and firm skin now sagged at his neck, and some parts of his skin were blotchy and wrinkled. I was amazed at how much time had passed.
"How are you?" I asked, my throat tightening.
He looked surprised for a few seconds. Usually our conversations were one sided, so it was understandable. "Fine, fine. I'm taking my vitamins, doc," He attempted a joke. When I did not respond, he continued.
"I've been hearing positive things about you, son. It seems like you're leaving a mark on Maxine Enterprises. I can't tell you how proud I am. I knew you could do a good job just like…"
As he trailed off, a painful silence ensued. This was it. The subject that we've been avoiding for three years. The one that no one wanted to talk about. The one that broke everyone, made all of us so different. The one I blamed my father for.
We all tried our best not to mention Rafael. If it were possible, I would program my brain not to even think about it. But he was everywhere. The memories were everywhere in this house. And no matter how much I tried to run away from it, it would always haunt me.
We had sealed off the bathroom after it happened. The bathroom I had walked into to find my elder brother sprawled on the floor, lifeless. Even as I thought about it now, it hurt. And I would never forgive myself for it.
Taking a deep breath, I turned to dad desperate to change the subject. "Yeah, business is great. It's moving slowly, but moving nonetheless. I could never be better than my predecessor, but I'll try my best."
Dad chuckled, his eyes beaming with pride. "That's what I love to hear. You've made a name for yourself and lived up to you, scored deals in days. Deals that would have taken me weeks to get in my time. I'm so proud of you, son. Now all that's left is a beautiful, loyal woman by your side and we're good to go."
Oh God. Not again. I should've known he would bring this up. It seemed to be the only thing he cared about.
"No, no, don't pull that face you're pulling right now. We're talking about your future here."
"Yes. My future. I've told you so many times, dad. I'm not ready."
He clicked his tongue, swinging his hand to wave off my comment which I knew he thought was only an excuse. "A man is happiest with a wife, son. You're not getting any younger. And look at me," He gestured to himself. "I'm getting older as well. And I'd like to see my grandkids before I die. Are you going to take that away from me?"
A nasty reply rested on the tip of my tongue but I held it back. I sighed, resisting the urge to argue with him. It wasn't the first time, nor would it be the last. He believed staying away from marriage was foolish. And there was nothing I could do to change his mind. Rafael had been first in line to get married, so after he passed, all those responsibilities somehow passed on me. I was now the one expected to get married first and have kids. Dad expected so much from me, and I hated to argue because the conversation would always lead back to Rafael's death.
When I didn't respond, Dad reached out to rub my shoulder. "It's time to settle down and start a family. And that's nothing to regret. Alright?"
Marriage wasn't on my list. It had never been a priority. Sacrificing my privacy and probably my peace of mind wasn't appealing to me. I had always rejected the idea. I believed that anyone who decided to get married was crazy. It just wasn't worth it. What was it? Companionship? You had friends and family for that. Sex? You could get that anywhere, anytime, without commitment. I also could not understand why a man would want to fuck one woman for the rest of his life.
Yeah, no.
And the most overused reason; love.
There was a time I had believed in love. When I believed it was real, and rosy, and not just something that only happened in movies. But not anymore. Especially after what happened between my parents.
Personally, I believed there was no such thing. How much could you possibly 'love' someone that you would be willing to die for them? I would only ever feel that way about my family, and no one else. Die for them, ha! Much less a woman. Even the sex couldn't be that good.
But I knew he wouldn't understand any of this, and he would continue to pester me. So I nodded, telling him I'd think about it. I just wished we could have a conversation without bringing it up any chance he could.
"So…how about a round of chess?" Dad suggested probably searching for reasons for us to spend time together. But I couldn't. It made me sick to my stomach when I was with him, because all it did was bring back memories. Memories of things I just wished to forget.
So I shook my head, getting up and heading to the door. "I have more important things to do.