[WARNING: Miscarriage, depression, and suicidal thoughts.]
Lyonis could hear movement and muffled talking from outside the window. He scratched his head and couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed. He laid down in the bed and closed his eyes, letting Cordelia's earthy lavender smell hug his body. The thumping in his chest pulsed loudly in his ears. After a short while, he heard movement from the room underneath him, followed by the sound of quick steps up the stairs.
Cordelia rushed into the room, and her wide eyes met his. Her worried and serious expression softened slightly, and her gaze turned apologetic. She was holding a large leather bag that looked stuffed with linen and bottles of unknown substances. With a flick of her wrist, a pair of loose black pants and a tight-fitted long-sleeve, high-collared cream shirt floated over to her. She pulled the clothes on quickly before grabbing her boots from the corner of the room. Seeing her get dressed, Lyonis figured their moment had passed, and he pulled on his pants.
"I'm so sorry, Lyonis. I have to make an emergency house call. There is a woman who has been in labor for the last two days... The physician is out of town, and the midwives are having a hard time. It seems like the baby might be stuck." She looked over at him, "I apologize for leaving.... like this. You can stay here if you'd like. I'm not sure when I'll be back, though... Hopefully, by morning." She pulled her long black hair into a neat bun at the top of her head.
Lyonis stood up from the bed and walked over to her in the center of the room. He cupped her cheek with his hand, her soft porcelain skin giving to his touch. Disappointment filled his chest, but there was nothing he could do. She had to go. Even if he could, he wouldn't stop her. People needed her help. "No need to apologize, Cordelia. Go. I'll wait here for your return."
Her grey-green eyes pierced into his, and with a nod and a small smile, Cordelia disappeared out the door in a rush. He walked to the balcony and looked out over the edge, watching her climb into a small horse-drawn wagon and down the dark street out of sight.
...
Lyonis stood outside for a moment, letting the crisp night air wash over him, helping him clear his head. He turned to walk back inside and walked over to the sink, washing his hands and face. He felt movement behind him and turned around to see her cat, Benoni, sitting on the kitchen table as if he appeared out of thin air. The black cat's large golden eyes were unblinking, and he stood still as stone.
"Good evening, Benoni." Lyonis felt silly talking to a cat, but after Cordelia's explanation, he felt it might be rude not to acknowledge her familiar. Benoni stared at him, the large golden eyes following him as Lyonis went to lay back down on the bed. Lyonis closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, attempting to ignore the eerie feeling of the cat's unrelenting gaze. After a while, exhaustion caught up to Lyonis, and he managed to fall asleep.
...
It was still dark when Lyonis awoke to the sound of the back door opening quietly. Without opening his eyes, he heard Cordelia walk into the room. Her steps were soft and subtle as if she were trying not to wake him.
"Beni..." She whispered to the cat, who had moved to lay on the large leather chair next to her bed. There was a pause before she spoke again as if she were listening, "Stop nagging me. I've had a long night..." Sadness clung to her words. Lyonis could feel Cordelia move about the room before sitting down at the table. He opened his eyes from the bed to watch her.
Cordelia's hair had a slight unruliness to it, she looked disheveled, and her shoulders slumped as if the weight of the world rested on them. The sleeves of her ivory-colored blouse were stained with blood up to her elbows, and Cordelia carefully undid the buttons of the sleeves, freeing her forearms. She had a large bowl of water in front of her and was dunking a small cloth in it. Steam was rising from the wooden bowl, and Cordelia carefully washed her face and hands with a cloth, wringing out blood and sweat from it. She closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands, propping her head up by her elbows on the table. A deep and sad sigh escaped her lips.
...
Cordelia had almost forgotten about Lyonis as she stepped through the door of her third-floor living quarters. She could see him fast asleep on her bed. His shirtless body laid out comfortably. His hands were laced behind his head, supporting his head. The quiet stillness of his shallow breathing hinted he was deeply asleep. She was surprised he was still there. Cordelia had half expected him to leave after she had suddenly been forced to stop their quiet evening together. But yet, here he was, waiting patiently in her warm bed.
'Why'd you let him stay here? He took my spot on the bed. I've been watching him all night. He didn't do anything funny since I was here, but you shouldn't be so trusting...' Benoni's thoughts invaded her head. He didn't even bother to look at her from his spot on the leather chair.
"Beni... Stop nagging me. I've had a long night." Cordelia had indeed had a long night. The woman she had gone to help was in terrible condition on her arrival. Memories from that evening flashed in her mind. The gray appearance of the woman, her ragged shallow breathing, blood, the still and quiet baby.
Trying not to wake Lyonis, Cordelia moved quietly around the room. She drew a warm bowl of water for herself and sat down at the table. The red splotches on her blouse were starting to fade to a dingy brown color, and there was blood crusted under her fingernails. She smelt like iron and death. Her hands started shaking as she looked down into the swirling water, now tinged with blood. Burying her face in her hands, she drew in a shaky breath and forced the tears welling in her eyes to stay behind closed eyelids. Life was so cruel and unfair.
She felt Lyonis sit up on the bed. Part of her was glad he was there. His strong and powerful presence made her feel kind of safe in a weird way. The other part of her wished he had left so she could be left to dissolve into sadness in peace.
"Cordelia... You're back already? Are you ok?" Lyonis sat up, she felt his eyes on her, and she swallowed hard, forcing back tears. Cordelia said nothing. She wasn't ok, but part of her felt her sadness was unjustified and selfish. How could she feel so sad when it wasn't her life that was affected so painfully that night? That pain belonged to the family. She had no right. She couldn't save the baby. If she couldn't save a small and innocent life, what good was she?
Her thoughts spiraled dangerously. What good was all her power for if she couldn't save a single child? She could live seemingly forever. Why was her life more valuable than that of an innocent baby? It was cruel. Unfair. She was undeserving of this life she had been gifted. All the pain and suffering inflicted by her hands could never be washed away. No acts of kindness would atone for sins, and now the blood of this child was on her hands.
If given the chance, she would've gladly traded her own life for that of the child. Darkness clouded her thoughts, and she felt herself sink lower into herself as if the cruelty of life were crushing her beneath hot volcanic ash. She felt tears sting her eyes, and a lump in her throat rose and pricked her nose. She fought against the waves of sorrow inside her, swallowing the self-pity and grief she felt she did not deserve to feel.
Cordelia felt a strong hand on her shoulder. The weight and warmth of Lyonis's palm were comforting. It stopped the onslaught of destructive thoughts in their tracts. He knelt beside her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her out of her chair and closer to him. She wanted to push him away, slap him, and scream in his face. She did not deserve such kindness. Such warmth.
But her body deceived her. Tears poured down her cheeks. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed into her hands. Her whole body shook. Lyonis pulled her closer into his lap. He stroked her head and back, consoling her as his chest grew wet with her tears until finally, Cordelia stopped shaking, and her tears trickled to a stop. She pulled away from him and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She expected him to ask her what happened, but to her surprise, he didn't. Instead, he helped her stand and sat her down at the table before grabbing her a glass of water and a clean, dry towel. Cordelia wiped her eyes and cupped the glass in between her hands as she sipped the clear liquid, soothing her parched throat. His eyes did not move from her as he sat down next to her.
"Thank you.." was all Cordelia could muster.
...
After bathing and changing into fresh clothes, Cordelia collapsed into bed. She had told Lyonis he could head back to the inn for the night. She was in no state to play hostess or continue where they had left off. But to her surprise and relief, Lyonis refused to leave and insisted on staying with her for the remainder of the night. He climbed into bed next to her and opened his arms up to her, inviting her closer to him.
Unable to deny herself the affection and gentle warmth of his body, she curled up into his arms. They laid in comfortable silence for a while. Cordelia listened to the sound of Lyonis's strong and steady heartbeat. The rhythmic music of his body, the warmth of his skin, and the tenderness of his touch felt calming and comforting. She felt herself relax next to him.
"I lost one of the babies..." Cordelia whispered into his chest. The words stung as they left her mouth as if saying it drew fresh blood to the wound she felt in her heart. "The mother had lost so much blood. She was carrying twins, and the first one became stuck." Cordelia remembered using her mana to feel the babies inside the mother. She had to forcefully reorientate the baby in the womb so the mother could push. Unfortunately, the stress had been too much on the infant, and the baby girl passed shortly after she left her mother. With Cordelia's help, the other midwives were able to save the other twin and stop the bleeding in the mother. But the sight of the mother consumed with grief over the loss of her first daughter would haunt Cordelia for a long time. The family was grateful she had saved their other child and the mother's life. But Cordelia still couldn't help but feel the weight of what had happened.
"I tried... but she was already gone... I couldn't...." Cordelia stifled a sob as she remembered handing the limp infant over to the midwives who rushed to try and resuscitate her. Lyonis stroked her back but said nothing. He only listened. Beneath labored whispered breaths, Cordelia could barely think straight, "What good am I if I can't even save a single child?"
There was a quiet moment between them before Lyonis spoke, "The fact that you tried and gave your best effort to help that family is all you could have done. Life gives and takes - without you, that family would have probably lost more. You helped save two lives today. Do not discount that." He planted a small kiss on the top of Cordelia's head and tightened his arms around her in a comforting embrace. "Sleep. You will feel better in the morning."
Cordelia sighed and closed her eyes. She didn't feel any better, but he spoke truthfully. Cordelia felt his mana cling to hers. It was so strange how their energies were so naturally drawn to one another. She let herself feel the gentleness of his mana flow alongside her own chaotic energy. She felt like a tangled ball of twine, and her emotions changed from feeling dark and sullen to violent and angry. But being so close to Lyonis, his strong aura pulling her towards him, she couldn't help but let herself melt into his mana and let herself be carried along like a trickling spring.