[Portia's POV]
I gave up.
All the things I have done now crumbled into pieces and can not be fixed again.
I fell on my knee with my face displaying a great shock when seeing a huge wave of fire devouring the big mansion in front of me—my mansion, with all of my people burnt alive inside it.
"No … no! No! No! No!" I cried aloud, raising my voice full of resentment.
I don't know why this is happening to me. Where did I go wrong? What mistake have I made to get this kind of ending?
[Since the beginning, you are destined to die.]
"Stop it. Do not say anything." I shut my ears, and my eyes widened full of terror when that strange voice kept talking inside my head. Am I started going crazy?
[I told you not to interfere with the main story.]
So, all this was my fault from the start?
[Just die.]
I should have died.
Suddenly, I get up and walk into the burned mansion with a blank expression. "I should go inside. They must have been waiting for me to join them in there—"
"Portia!"
"Stop walking! Listen to me, Portia!"
I ignored that desperate call from behind and continued walking with a slumping posture that might fall unconscious at any time.
"Ack—" My body is pulled from behind, and I fall into somebody's arms. It was warm, but still not enough to defrost all the sufferings I had until now.
"Let go of me, now." I had no desire to escape from that hug due to losing the spirit to keep living.
"No, I don't want to let you go. Please, don't be like this."
I chuckled. It was a peal of bland laughter. I turned to look at him and raised one of my brows. "So, how do you want me to do? What am I supposed to do when all my people die inside that building and leave me alone here! I'm going insane!"
He sank into a long silence. He did not even react when I got out of his arms.
"Don't stop me, Kazech."
"Portia—"
I lifted my right hand and cut his words. "No. Stop pretending that you are concerned with me. We never have that kind of relationship, didn't we?"
Kazech couldn't answer my words and standing rigidly inside his royal uniform. "Yeah … you are right. We never have that kind of relationship from the beginning, but—"
"Good. Then, please have a nice day, Crown Prince Kazech. It was nice to know you."
The last thing I saw was Kazech's shocked face when he realized I was ready to jump into the raging fire.
He started to run after me. "No! Portia—"
"Farewell, Kazech. Let us not see each other again in the next life."
I smiled. That was the finest smile I had over the last 24 years. I closed my eyes and opened my hands wide apart before falling backward.
Ah, it is hot and super painful. My body is hulled by fire, and my bones melt like porridge. No problem, at least this miserable life will end as well.
[Do you think I'll let you die peacefully?]
(No, you're not allowed to meddle in my business.)
Just before I grasp the death angel inside my palm, I hear another voice, and then my consciousness moving somewhere else. That place was extremely vast and filled with dazzling things like stars, galaxies, until solar systems. My eyes were wide open and I turned around to see that I was floating like a ghost in this strange place.
"You're too soft." A woman's voice came from behind.
"Me?" I twisted to see who was the person that brought me here, but what I found afterward made me fall in huge disbelief.
"Who are you?" That question came up unexpectedly in my mouth. "Why are you having the same face as me?"
She looks exactly the same like me. To distinct, it is only her expression is much grimmer and more assertive than mine, as if she had gone through a more ruthless life this far.
She did not answer my question, so I decided to ask another one. "Do you experience the same thing like me? I-I mean—"
"Death and blood? Yes, countless times." She answered without a doubt.
In a sudden, my face turned gloomy. "Oh, even I in another realm can not even get the happy ending. Haha. It's hilarious, isn't it?"
The 'other' me didn't speak and remained silent. Even so, I can't lie if I fear and adore her. She is like the ideal model of myself. I have always dreamed of having a sharp look and straight posture like her. Even though we looked similar, she was so different from me.
If I was born again, I wanted to be like her.
"If you were born again, what do you want to do?" She asks me.
"Huh?"
"Were you able to save them?"
My eyes opened wide with shock. She refers to people that die inside the burned mansion. Before I could say anything, the 'other' me continued her words.
"You're such a useless person, Portia. One thing you must know is that I'm not gonna be nice to you."
"You can't do anything."
"You became a nuisance for all people."
"You gave up too quickly and didn't want to find a way to solve things by yourself. Even your death itself became an exact example of that."
She said the truth to me with a vicious gaze. I could not agree more with all her statements.
I do not deserve to live from the beginning. Death is the best option for me. No one will get hurt because of me. I will disappear into the sky like a dandelion blown by the southern wind.
"Still, people get their second chance. And so are you."
I shake my head. "No, there is no need for me. It is too painful for me to look see their faces again."
"So, you're telling me that you're going to run away from your own deeds?"
"What? No, I mean—"
She extended her hand and held an orb of light. "Then, choose to be reborn. Meet them and promise to save them this time."
Looking at that orb of light, I froze for quite a while. Is it true that I am able to meet them again and save them from their unfortunate fate?
"I knew that wouldn't be an easy task. You're probably gonna turn out like me, grim and inexpressive."
"I will go."
She smiles. "I knew that too. You're just like me."
I smile back. "Did I? You look so cool."
"I always cool from the start. Touch this orb, and you will be reborn in a new timeline." Without any doubt, I touch the orb above her palm. She continues her words. "One thing you should remember, don't ever fall to the God voices."
"What? God voices? What do you mean by that—" Suddenly, everything in front of me turned dark. I can't hear her voice or see her figure. She just disappeared into thin air and left me alone here before I asked more about the God voices.
"Lady Portia, wake up. It is morning already."
My eyes flew open just to see that my dead nanny came back alive and stood in front of me wearing her maid dress. "Lady Portia, wake up now. How long do you want to stay in your bed?"
Well, maybe being crazy is not a bad thing after all.