The constant ringing of the phone interrupted Sun He's work. He looked towards his phone and stared at the flashing name across his phone before turning his phone off. Sun He felt numb. He had been trying his hardest to restrain thinking about Gu Liwei. He had buried himself in work the moment he came back to his apartment and had even omitted to eat his lunch. Even though he was hungry, Sun He did not feel like eating. He did not feel like doing anything besides working. He was scared that if he stopped working for even a second, horrible thoughts would bombard him. He knew he probably was overreacting. That woman could be anyone. He could be Gu Liwei's friend, or family member. Usually Sun He would have not jumped straight to thinking that Gu Liwei was lying to him. Even after Fang Cai cheated on him, Sun He still believed that everyone should get the benefit of the doubt. However, Sun He was not in his right state of mind. Too many things happened yesterday. Sun He could not help but think the worse. The sound of his doorbell woke him up. Sun He walked to the door and Gu Liwei's happy face greeted him.
Gu Liwei lifted the bags of groceries in his hands and smiled at Sun He. "Can I come in?" he asked. "I figured you probably had not eaten yet and stopped on the way".
Sun He felt complicated. He was happy that Gu Liwei thought of him but he cannot get rid of the image of Gu Liwei hugging that beautiful woman out of his head. He also cannot just ask, "Are you cheating on me?". Gu Liwei and Sun He are not even together yet. One date and a few nights of calls and video calls do not make a relationship.
Gu Liwei realized that something was wrong with Sun He's expression, and hesitated. "What's wrong?"
Sun He stared at Gu Liwei and he was not sure if he should let him in. He owes you nothing, he thought to himself. Nevertheless, Sun He was scared. He was scared that Gu Liwei was playing him. Scared that everything was just a lie. Scared that he would lose his sanity. If Gu Liwei is truly playing him, he would not know what to do. Sun He only now realized that although it has only been a few weeks, he had fallen for Gu Liwei and rather quickly too. Gu Liwei had been a constant support in his life over the past two months. He never judged Sun He and was always patient with him. He listened to his worries and he did whatever he could to make Sun He feel comfortable. Sun He was always looking forward to their nightly video calls. He had become accustomed to Gu Liwei being the first person he talked to in the morning and the last voice he heard before going to sleep. Whenever Gu Liwei smiled, his heart would always beat faster and the last time they video called, it took Sun He all of his strength to not blurt out that he wanted to see him.
Gu Liwei lowered the bag of groceries and his expression cracked. Something was definitely wrong, he thought. Gu Liwei thought back about his talk with Cao Zhiqiang. He looked at Sun He's expression and he had a feeling that if he did not go inside today, he would lose Sun He forever. Gu Liwei was baffled by that feeling and even more baffled by how heartbroken he felt about that thought. He knew he was serious about Sun He but he had never taken the time to analyze his feelings for him. Gu Liwei only now realized how much Sun He affected him.
"Did I come at the wrong time?" He asked trying to maintain his smile.
Sun He was always looking at Gu Liwei, so he could see that Gu Liwei was not as casual as he looked. Seeing his saddened eyes, Sun He woke up from his thought. What was he thinking? Why was he so scared? Why was he punishing himself and punishing Gu Liwei without knowing the facts? Sun He sighed before stepping aside. "No, sorry, come in."
Sun He gave Gu Liwei a new pair of slippers and took the bag of groceries from him. Gu Liwei looked around the apartment trying to get rid of the feeling of dread that he has had since Sun He opened the door. Sun He's apartment was very warm. The living room was a light shade of green and on the walls were various abstract paintings. A picture on Sun He's wall attracted Gu Liwei. In the picture, Sun He was standing with Auntie Ling and a man who Gu Liwei guessed was his father. Sun He looked radiant in that picture and Gu Liwei could not help smiling a little. "Your apartment looks very nice", he said.
"Thank you", Sun He responded going towards the kitchen. Gu Liwei followed him and stood in the doorframe watching Sun He take the groceries out of the bag. Sun He has not looked at him since he came in and seemed very standoffish. "How was your day? I tried calling you but I figured you were busy when you did not answer."
Sun He paused his movements then acquiesced "I had a job that was due today and only finished it a few minutes before you came. How about you? How was your day?"
"A rollercoaster of emotions", Gu Liwei replied.
"How so?" Sun He asked.
"Nothing serious. I had to meet with the model for my next job today." Sun He stiffened hearing that and continued taking the groceries out of the bag like his life depended on it.
Gu Liwei was perplexed and wondered if he said something wrong. He hesitated before continuing, "She is very popular apparently, and wanted to go over the details for the next shoot. She had a list of dos and don'ts and I wanted to throw her out of my office. But the advertisement she is shooting for is for a friend's company so I could only bear with it."
"Oh yeah?" Sun He echoed, "It sounds horrible".
"It was but it comes with the job."
"Did anything good happen today?" Sun He questioned trying to find a way to inquire about what he saw at the coffee shop. "You looked pretty happy when I first opened the door".
"How do you know I'm just not happy to see you?" Gu Liwei raised an eyebrow and slowly walked towards Sun He. He stopped when he was two steps away from Sun He, "You haven't looked at me since you allowed me in, which I might say you did very reluctantly".
Sun He resisted a little before sighing and facing him. Gu Liwei stared at his pale face and his lips that he was obviously biting. "What is it?" He asked.
Sun He looked up before looking back down. He could almost hear his heart pounding in his chest. Gu Liwei patiently waited for Sun He to talk to him. When he thought that Sun He would ignore his question, Sun He gave him a sad smile and sighed as if he was relieving himself of a burden "I saw you at the coffee shop today"
"And?" Gu Liwei was confused as to why seeing him would cause such a big reaction in Sun He. He tried to think of anything that he might have done or say that would lead to Sun He's current state but could not think of anything.
"You were...hmmm...hugging your companion and you guys looked…great together."
Gu Liwei was astonished hearing that. He could not believe it. Sun He… was jealous. Gu Liwei wanted to encircle Sun He in his arms, but he had a feeling Sun He was not ready for that. Gu Liwei stared at the blushing man in front of him and laughed. He stepped forward and settled for grabbing Sun He's hands, stopping Sun He from rubbing his fingers dry. "That was my cousin." He smiled, "Her and her fiancé are expecting their first baby. They invited me out to lunch today to tell me the news and to ask me to be their best man at their upcoming wedding."
Sun He visibly relaxed before blushing out of embarrassment. He looked down at Gu Liwei's hands that were still holding his. His hands were big and warm compared to Sun He's. "I'm sorry", he whispered.
Gu Liwei looked down at Sun He. He lifted Sun He's hair that was half blocking his eyes before gently putting the strands behind his hear. "Ouch", he joked. "You don't trust me?"
Sun He looked up sharply and stammered, "It's not that I don't trust you... I just..." He stopped abruptly realizing that Gu Liwei was joking. Gu Liwei saw Sun He's face get even redder and decided to relieve him of his embarrassment. "You don't have to explain. After all we have only known each other for a little bit over a month and today is only our second time meeting each other in person." Gu Liwei smiled.
He took Sun He's hand and put it over his beating heart. "Feel how fast it's beating?" He asked. "I'm happy! This means you like me as much as I like you."
Sun He froze. His mouth dropped open. He stared at Gu Liwei with wide eyes and wondered if he was hallucinating. Was that a confession?