"What greater thing is there for two human souls that to feel that they are joined... To strengthen each other... To be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories." -George Eliot
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AZRAEL|
A year has passed since I came here and started living with Roland and Master Kojiro. Little by little, I'm starting to understand what it means to be a human as I watched how Roland love and protect his country.
I understand what it means to become a human but it's still not enough. I still trying to find my purpose in life just like what Roland told me when we first met.
I still don't know the reason why I must be sent here, but I'm currently living a peaceful life with them in the outskirts of this Kingdom.
The Kingdom of Enthopia is divided into four different districts. In the middle of the Kingdom resides the Imperial Castle where the Royal Family lives, the second is the Noble district where high ranking officials and nobles lives. The third one is the Central District or the Capital where various kinds of people including other races lives, and lastly, the Outskirts. Located in the outer part of the Kingdom surrounded by nature where our house resides.
I'm staring to have a fulfilled life here, Roland and Master Kojiro taught me how to live a normal life. I'm thankful for what they did for me like I'm already part of the family.
But lately, I have this weird feeling that I'm still incomplete. Somewhere in my heart saying that there's still something missing.
Whenever I see Roland leave the house to go on a mission, I feel loneliness inside me as if it was saying that I want him to stay with me. It feels weird, I don't want to keep him to myself because he swore to protect this Kingdom at all cost. I don't want to be selfish.
I sat under the tree near our house as I feel the breeze of fresh air brushes through my skin. I took at deep breathe and look up in the sky.
What is wrong with me? I shouldn't be thinking of those kinds of things. Roland is a Hero and he has a duty to serve the country. I can't keep him all to myself.
"Why the long face, little lady? You seem to be thinking about something serious?" Master Kojiro asked and sit beside me.
Master Kojiro is like a father to both me and Roland. He treats us like his own children and I'm attached to him.
I lay my head on Master Kojiro's shoulders and he started to brush my hair.
"I think I'm so selfish, Shishio." I uttered and let go of a deep sigh. He seem confused but he still listen.
"What makes you think that?" He asked.
"Lately, I feel lonely whenever Roland goes out on a mission, this kind of feeling is new to me and I get upset whenever he come home late." I said and I just can't help but to feel sad whenever I think about it.
He chuckled for a bit and let me lay on his lap as he continues to brush my hair.
"I see, my daughter understands the purpose of the human heart now, isn't she?" He stated which made me confuse, I look at him and he's staring at me with a big smile on his face.
"I don't understand, Shishio. I hate this kind of feeling." I'm feeling a bit down because, I know I don't want this feeling but somehow, I can't control it.
"It's normal, my child. We all have this feeling called love."
Love huh? So this is what it is... Love is an unpleasant feeling, huh? I don't like it...
"I know what you're thinking." He said as he stare at me with a gentle smile this time. "My child, love is a mixed emotions of happiness, sadness, peace, and warmth." He added as he continues to stroke my hair which makes me feel at ease.
"What we feel about love depends upon the situation that we're in... Love is something more than what we could think..." He added as he continues to brush my hair with his hands.
"Love can cause humans to think irrationally and make them reckless... But that's not all of it, in love, we will also learn the value of giving and showing affection..."
"Love is like the sea of emotions, we won't always know what's inside, yet it was beautiful and limitless... and that's what makes it even more magical..."
He looked so serious while saying those words. I understand but, I'm still afraid and uneasy towards this feelings called love.
"But Shishio, I don't like this kind of feeling, I don't want to monopolize him." I said sadly. It's true, I hate this feeling because it makes me feel so bad.
"That's part of the thrill of being inlove, my child. I'm glad you're not being selfish, you're also considering him and his duties." He said and brush the hair that's covering my face. "It's normal for us to feel that way sometimes, we just have to understand and sort our feelings, and you, you understand Roland pretty well. You'll make a good wife for him."
My heart starts to beat fast and it's beaming with joy because of what Master Kojiro said. I just can't help but to hug him to express my deep gratitude.
"Thank you so much, Shishio... No, please let me call you Father from now on..." I said and can't help my tears to fall because of happiness.
"Good heavens, I just got myself a sweet and lovely daughter, aren't I?" He said while laughing and continue to caress my head. "Yes, as a father, it's my duty to support both you and Roland."
I'm so grateful that I'm with them. I couldn't ask for more... I guess, being a human isn't so bad afterall.
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ROLAND|
I see... So that's what she felt, huh? I can understand it. I'm not dense to just brush it off, when after all this time, I feel the same way towards her since the day we met...
I've been holding back this whole time, thinking that my feelings won't reach her because of the gap in our status. But after hearing everything that she says, I have nothing to be afraid of...
It seems like she's already sleeping on Master's lap that's why I decided to show myself. I was at the top of the tree this whole time, listening to their conversation, but it feels like, Master knew it all along and pretend he didn't notice.
"Now that you've heard what she feels, Ro-kun. What's your next plan?" He asked.
I kneel infornt of them and brush of the hair that's covering Azrael's face. Her beauty is unmatched, and the power she holds is unparalleled. I always doubt myself if I'm worthy to stand beside her, but I already made up my mind...
"You already know what's my answer to that question, Father..."
He smiled at me and placed his hand on my shoulders.
"Take good care of her, she's a good kid." He stated as he look at Azrael's sleeping face.
"I swore by my name, I'll take full responsibility of making her happy and protect her." I said as I take my leave.
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AZRAEL|
I brushed my eyes and slowly opens it up. I didn't notice that I already fall asleep after having a talk with Master Kojiro-No... I should start practicing calling him Father from now on, that's what I've promised afterall.
"Did you have a nice rest, my child?" Father's smiling face is the first thing I saw when I open up my eyes.
"Yes father, thank you for lending me your lap." I said and smiled back at him.
I quickly get up and looked around to see if Roland's already back from his mission, but there's no sign of him being here. My heart starts to ache again due to sadness. I can't help myself but to sigh because of disappointment.
"He's still not here, he might come home late again." Father stated which made me feel even more sad.
I looked at him and forced myself to smile. I must understand that Roland is a hero and he has duties he must fulfill.
"Let's go inside now, Father. I'll prepare a feast for you." Father messed my hair and the two of us entered the house.
Before I completely enter the house, I took a quick glance outside to see if he's not really there, and yes, he's still not home yet.
I wish for you to be home soon, it's been two days since I last saw you, I hope you're doing fine outside.
****
I go out of the house to take a breathe of fresh air. Roland didn't came home Yesterday too. I wonder where he is right now... I hope he's fine...
I take a walk at the open field filled with Dandelions and Sunflower. I picked one Sunflower and stare at the peaceful sky and swaying clouds.
This is what Roland is trying to protect, I can't be selfish to make him stay with me all the time.
I took a deep breathe and my lips formed a smile on its own. I remembered the question that I've been trying to answer for more than a year.
"Roland found his purpose in life... I wonder what my purpose is..." I mumbled to myself.
"Why don't we find out what it was." I heard a voice coming from behind and I quickly look at who it was. My lips form a smile and my heart starts to beat fast when I saw his face. "How are you doing, Milady." He said as he kneel infront of me and kissed my hand.
"I'm fine, how's your mission?" I asked.
He quickly get up in his feet and stand beside me.
"It went well, we manage to repelled the demons that's trying to advance to the village near the Kingdom."
"I see... That's a good news then." I uttered.
There's a silence between the two of us. We're just staring at the bright sky without uttering a single word. It's feels weird but I'm satisfied with just being with him even if we're not talking to each other. Being with him makes me feel happy on it's own.
"Have you already found the reason why God send you here in the mortal realm?" He asked out of nowhere that made me look at him but he's still looking at the sky.
I turned my gaze back towards the sky and watch how the birds fly freely with their wings.
"No... Not yet..."
"I see... What would you do once you find the reason? Will you return to Valhalla?"
I can't speak a single word to answer his question... Or am I afraid to answer it? It's true... I don't know what should I do once I found my purpose to be sent here... Should I go back and leave him and Father here? I don't know...
I looked at him as he is staring directly into my eyes waiting for me to answer his question... My heart starts to ache and my breathing starts to become uneasy... Just thinking about leaving them and going home to valhalla makes my heart in awful pain...
He averted his eyes first and picked a Dandelion and turned his gaze back at me.
"You don't have to answer that question right away..." He uttered and walks closer to me... " Father always told me that if you want to make a wish, whisper it to a Dandelion flower and blow it, and it's tiny petals will carry your wish to the clouds above and take it to God." He added and blew the Dandelion and the two of us watch the tiny petals as the wind carries it up in the sky...
I looked at him and he's smiling while still watching the Dandelion's petals reach the sky hoping that God will someday hear his wishes.
"What did you wish for?" I asked...
He looked at me with a bright smile of his face and held both of my hands.
"I wished that, you won't find your reason to be sent here so you can stay with me forever."
My heart starts to beats fast and my face starts to feel hot... This is the first time I experience this kind of strong emotion... I can't explain what I'm feeling right now...
He kneel infront of me while his hands are holding mine... My heart continues to beat faster and faster each minute... He's looking directly into my eyes as if he's asking for something...
"This might bold for me to ask, Milady, but since the first time we met, I only have my eyes on you. My heart beats fast when I'm with you, my whole body reacts when it touches yours. Ever since I open my eyes and I saw you staring at me, I know that I've fallen inlove with you." He then took out a ring from his pocket and present it infront of me.
"Will you forget about finding the reason of you being here, instead find a reason for to stay with me... Find a reason for you to stay and walk the same path I'm taking as my Wife..."
I don't understand myself... My tears fall on its own... My heart is racing really fast, but it's not unpleasant... Am I happy? Is this what happiness is? No... I get it now... This is what love really means... I love Roland very much...
I held out my left hand to him and smile while saying...
"Please take care of me..."
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End of Chapter 4