I've always felt like a shadow in other people's lives — visible, but never truly seen. A fleeting presence, an afterthought, someone who exists only when they need me and fades when the light shifts. I give my heart, my soul, my time — all of me, hoping that someone will find value in the pieces I offer. But no matter how much I give, I always feel like a temporary part of their world.
It's not that they don't love me. I've been loved in ways that left me breathless, cherished in ways I thought were enough. But even in the most beautiful moments, there's always a sense that I'm not permanent. I'm the person they turn to when the world gets quiet, when they need someone to fill the spaces they can't explain. And I'm the one they leave when things get hard, when the weight of what I carry becomes too heavy for them to bear.
I give, I give, I give — until I can't anymore. Until the ache of being temporary becomes unbearable, until the cracks in my heart begin to fracture further with each goodbye. I wait, and I love, and I hold on to the hope that this time, it will be different. But deep down, I know the truth: I am always the one who is left behind. No matter how much of myself I offer, I am never the one who stays.
And so, I leave. Quietly, almost without realizing it, I walk away. Because at some point, the weight of loving without being loved fully in return becomes too much to carry. I leave not because I want to, but because I can't keep giving pieces of myself to people who aren't able to hold them.
I try to understand why it happens. Why I always feel like I'm on the edge, like I'm the temporary bridge between their past and future. Maybe it's because I've never truly learned to stay for myself, to fill my own spaces before filling theirs. Maybe it's because I never let myself be permanent enough to believe I deserve to stay in their lives forever.
But in the end, I realize this: I don't need to be permanent for everyone. I only need to be enough for myself. Until I can love myself fully, until I can stand in my own presence without feeling like I'm not enough, I will keep leaving — not because they don't love me, but because I don't love myself enough to stay.