If you read this and i know you going to read this i am so sorry for write down something like that down here but i assure you, you do not need to be worry about it and i will be okay and also i going to do everything it takes for you because i love you so much and i don't care whatever it is i will handle it and i wish you not worry about it and please don't think about it i just write down everything is to clear head and one more time sorry for write down everything down here.
and i don't want to stress him up or makes him thinking about it because i want to see his happy and always smile and i don't dare to put him in this situation because i don't really fucking love him and i really care about him i don't want he being sad or whatever, and one thing i know for sure i going to fight for him and i going to stand and stay here as long as i can so i can see him and be with him longer then if when i was in my city he going to stay long as he stay here because just foreign city without anything special.
I really feel dilema right now because i don't know what i going to do now i like living here, but everything is not always been easy for me here even now it's really makes me thinking about it a lot and i dont know what i gonna do in the middle of next year because i still thinking through about everything now.
I really like and want to live here because i got few reasons to live here:
1. I got him because he always come here to bali and it's been easy for him because he can come here and stay here for one month or two month but if i do back to my city i don't know how it going to be because he not going to do the same like he doing here and i know it that things which makes me sad even he can come to my city but he can't stay long like he do in bali which i think is not going to be enough for me, but i can't do anything about it.
2. I really like to live here because here hasn't been easy for me to be who i am but i don't know is not easy also to live here i guess because everything is not the same as in my city because here i need to pay for everything which back then in my city i just need to pay for food and helping my mom for electricity bill that is it but here is really so much different. and because of them i almost even don't have big savings and it's so difficult to do so but that's okay i will handle it
But i just want you to be happy and i going to do everything and fight for you no matter what it takes as long as i can be with and see you for a long time not 4 days or a week only if i was move to my city so i think i just going to stay here as long as i can see you and i going to be always there for you no matter what.