And for the first time, he couldn't get a glimpse of interpretation of what's going on in her mind. She then pointed to her feet getting his attention. He went back to healing her till she was whole and complete.
She was quick to get up and leave but he held her back and pulled her into his embrace but again she was quick to pull away but her strength really failed her. She crashed on his chest and he lifted her chin up by the sides of her ears to look at him deep in the eyes.
Could she read his emotions, no because he was a heartless man that cares only about himself and not others.
"Why did you say those mean words about me? " He was depressed and down casted. Her words were deep and very hurtful to him.
He couldn't deny his emotions were unbearable and he couldn't handle them.
He asked ever so gently and his breathe stinged her because she had never been this close to him since they met in Elysian.
"Am I a horrible person to you Zillah or it's just who I am?". His questions were heartfelt and penetrating to her soul. She swallowed hard.
Was he playing with her mind right now, what happened to his actions why is he using words, unlike him. As she was thinking deeply she felt a drop of tears in her own eyes, was he? Was Alvah crying? She blinked multiple times
All her anger dissipated and her emotions returned back to her. She was compelled to hold him but she stopped herself. When she saw him smirk and said "I am an orphan Zillah" his voice full of dejection, it was the first time he was into his emotions and she was startled.
Hearing his words made her melt to butter. What was she thinking when she said all those harsh words to him, he was human after all.
"What do I know about love?,here I was thinking I was doing the world for you not realizing I was separating myself from my world, that's you Zillah" he said brushing her cheek and her soul came back to her body. He was being very affectionate and conceptual.
"No, no stop Alvah please, we are a disaster to each other " she said not able to look into his eyes.
"We are not a disaster to each other, where do you get this painful words from Zillah". Her words were like a bee that stings everytime. Everything he had heard from her since he returned were just as poisonous to his heart, soul and mind.
She was pained but why did she feel it was the truth. Since they collided in this world all that happened between them was nothing but evil
He held her face erectly to stop her from avoiding his eyes. "When you said I always abandon the people who love me, who do you mean Zillah? I've never had someone that loved me, nor to love me "
He briefly narrated.
" My mom died at childbirth, my dad left" , he knew it would be hurtful saying this but he had to. " I once loved keva but she didn't belong to me and omna is just as kind and generous as he is to everyone".
" I don't have one of my own I don't have who belongs to me but look around you came into my life you never knew me or this place but you're Soo engrossed in me and want to do more for me while im just trying to understand who is this girl that I have collided with in this lifetime "
Now it was his turn to sting Zillah like a bee. His words made her pause. Who is this Alvah with overflowing emotions? She questioned her daft self.
She laughed within her but her face still looked horrific.
"Maybe I'm selfish and self centered but that's because I never had someone to want to take care of, they are all dead Zillah but you, you're still alive and you are here for me and I want to be there for you." He adjusted her hair that moved to cover her face behind her ears.
" But look at you Zillah, you renounced me", He said with a bitter smile on his face that pierced her heart like a thorn.
"You are leaving like the rest of them aren't you?". Unconsciously she muttered No but she stopped herself again from responding to him.
" I… I'm … I don't want this" she said heartbreakingly looking away. "This isn't how I wanted this to be. Not at all" .
" Alvah we are both orphans". Alvah was confused but she cried softly speaking.
" I lost my parents, I…I.." she stuttered " I don't know, am I supposed to be here?" she looked him in the eye and he replied
" yes you are" but she responded sadly "but I'm only here because of you am I not?" Truthfully the only reason she was in the realm was because she existed for him.
" Just renounce me too and maybe I would go to rest, I really im tired of all this struggle" shaking her head in displeasure.
" I won't renounce you Zillah, I will not". He said firmly to her.
" Please Alvah you have no idea what I've been through. How would two orphans who have no idea what love is and haven't experienced it be able to love themselves Alvah". Like a spear to their heart. It was the painful and ugly truth.
He smiled at her,
" Love is created Zillah. It doesn't come from the air, we have to create it. Do we really need a bond to tell us we are meant for each other or are lovers". She grinned looking down. His face had brightened up a bit.
She smiled painfully. " Alvah you make this look easy. You… you're an infernal which just makes this worst. I am a celestial why on earth did they even pair us together" she looked into the sky as tears dropped down but he brought her face back to him wiping her tears with his thumb. He did not like to see her cry.
"Do you want me to perish?" He asked her sorrowfully and her heart officially broke into a million pieces, which should she follow.
Her face turned sad the moment she heard his words. And she teared up immediately.
Her mouth bubbled up and she almost bursted in tears like earlier. It was painful seeing that he wanted to be saved and by her.
He held her hand placing it on his chest looking at his hand on top of hers.
"I give you my heart Zillah, lead me" .
" Stop" she finally bursted into tears. Still being able to hold her breath from making sounds. She was drooling all over and he drew her even closer to him and hugged her like never before.
She cuddled underneath his arms crying seriously but he stroked her gently until she was able to calm down.
How did he manage to bear all this type of pain. How much was he going through that leaves him to no other decision than to want to change from who he was.
He called her name softly "Zillah…"
"I love when you call my name" she spoke like a baby with a cracked voice because she cried a lot and her hands folded and he pulled her away and looked at her with a smirk.
"But you… " he was ready to call her out for what she said earlier but she placed her finger on his lips knowing what he was about to say next. His smile widened when he observed something.
He moved his fingers to her neck and felt where he pierced her neck and felt the injury and blood. He held her neck tenderly healing her slowly. "This part could be more painful" he warned while healing her. She winced lightly and he stroked her face.