She woke with a start the next morning, that same alarm beeping, her heart racing. She'd only meant to close her eyes for a little bit, just enough to help her think straight again, but now she'd wasted another night. She pinched the bridge of her nose, her face scrunching up in a wince, her muscles aching already. She couldn't do this, she couldn't, it was too much, she had nothing left to give, she shook her head, hating those tears in her eyes and how easily they came. She couldn't cry, she couldn't give up, she had to be stronger. Her light flickered then, only a short one, so quick it was over in a blink of an eye. It was an easy fix too, probably just a loose connection, one she'd be able to tighten in no time at all if she'd had her toolkit with her. She sat up straight, laughing a laugh that was almost a gasp. and quickly she climbed out of her bunk, flipping it over and staring at the metal bars underneath. She had to pick one, the others were probably waiting for her outside, but she wouldn't be able to go all day without at least giving it a try. She found one near the end, a thinner, flatter piece of metal, and she started bending it, up and down, over and over again, knowing it would eventually break.
"Phoenix?" someone tapped on her door.
"Just a minute!"
All she felt then was a burning, flipping her bunk back over and running for the sink. Her hand was bleeding, her skin pink and sore, and now she had to hide it. She did not know what else to do, gritting her teeth and sinking her nails into one of those cuts on her wrist. It would be a pain to train with those cuts on her fingers, a part of her already feeling the sand digging into them, a part of her just wanting this all to be over so she could get back here. She pressed her hand into her shirt, holding the bottom of it to her wrist after she'd opened the door and stepped outside, but their eyes went wide when they saw her, Belfire snatching her hand and holding it up before she had time to pull away.
"What's wrong? What happened?" he asked.
"I just caught it," she said, pulling her hand away. She didn't like it when he touched her, she didn't like that light in their eyes or the way they stared. They were not family, they were not even friends, why did they care about what happened to her?
"You just caught it? Your whole hand is covered in blood," Belfire shook his head.
"It's nothing, I'm fine," she said, but he did have a point. She couldn't go out like that, not without giving herself away. "I'm just going to wait until it stops," she said, taking a step back towards her room.
"That's a good idea, we'll find you later," Belfire said, turning to the others and nodding, and she stared at him, her forehead lining in a crease, her head shaking side to side.
"I don't need help."
"There's no point in me going anyway," Belfire said. "But she might feed you two if you go without me." Boris and Mia looked at each other, Mia's face a tight wince when she turned back to Belfire. "It's alright," he nodded. "Just go, I'll figure something out."
He did not ask when he walked on ahead, opening the door to Phoenix's room and stepping inside and Phoenix's eyes went wide, her mouth dry as she watched him go, drier still when she stood in the doorway and watched him pull off the cover of her pillow and wet the corner in the sink. He shouldn't be there, that was her room, those were her things.
"Why are you staring at me like that?" he asked, his voice a little airy like he was almost about to laugh. She watched him a moment longer, but then she shook her head, holding her hand out to take back her cover. "Just sit down, Phoenix, it'll be easier if I do it."
She liked the sound of that even less, shaking her head again, her face scrunching up in a scowl. "Give it here," she said, and he did laugh then, the sound surprisingly easy, his face surprisingly soft.
He gave her the cover, not saying a word as she sat down on the bunk and started wiping. She was glad those cuts on her fingers were smaller, not really noticeable at all now that the one on her wrist was bleeding. She tutted, trying to move her band enough so she could get underneath it, but it was tight against her skin.
"Did it pull?" he asked.
"No," she said. "I just caught it."
He stared at her a moment longer, his eyes unblinking, and then he shook his head. "A cut like that won't kill you, you have to go deeper." She looked up at him, her face grim and tight, her mouth dry, and he kept staring at her for a long while, before he shook his head, brushing a haphazard dread back from his face. "I get it," he said, and then he was reaching for her again, turning her wrist and tracing a line across it. "Do it like that, but I wouldn't. You're a Woodlander, Phoenix, there are still ways out of this for you."
Her skin was burning then, her eyes narrowing into slits as she glared at him. "I'm not a Woodlander," she said, her voice so quiet, so tight and strained, and he stared at her again, nodding a soft nod.
"What do I call you then?" he asked.
"Nothing, you don't call me anything," she shook her head. "I'm fine, Belfire, just go."
"You want out of here, right?" he said. "Listen to Cassie, she seems pretty smart… but don't listen to everything. I've never seen a Favourite that was willing to share before."
Phoenix didn't know what to say then, she didn't know if the best cover was to let Belfire keep thinking what he did or if she should seem interested in what he was saying. She studied him a moment, pressing that cover to her wrist, and hissing a little when she pressed too hard. His hand was gentle when he took it off her, running it under the water again and cleaning what she'd missed.
"You know what a Favourite is?" she asked.
"I know a bit about the Masters," he nodded. "I… I'm surprised he only has one, most Masters have a lot of Favourites."
"Why?"
"I don't know," he scoffed, shaking his head. "You'd have to ask them that."
"What is a Favourite?"
He looked at her, that hand still gentle as he cleaned her wrist.
"They have slaves for a reason," he said. "I'm not sure what we're doing here, I've never seen anything like what we're doing now. Maybe we're going to be Guards," he shrugged. "But I can't figure out why he's training you too, that bit doesn't make sense. Woodlanders usually just become Favourites. They… they take their Favourites with them when they go places, they like to show them off to each other, that's why they're usually Wood-," he cut himself off then. "I'm sorry, I'll call you something else if you want."
"Just get on with it," she shook her head and Belfire nodded, those eyes never blinking as he studied her.
"I don't know exactly what they do with them, I can guess, but you probably could too. Masters don't really marry until it makes sense for them and they don't really sleep with each other, not that I've seen anyway."
Phoenix took the cover back, leaning against the wall and nodding. She wasn't even sure why she was asking anymore, just that it was nice to get some answers.
"You were a Master?"
"No," Belfire shook his head. "I just used to live here."
"A Citizen?"
"I was," he said, turning to look at her. "I don't know much more though, the Masters keep to themselves, it's not like they would ever talk to someone like me."
"An Offender?" she asked, and she watched his face go tight.
"I was just a Citizen before I came here, now I'm just a slave... Truth is, I'm lucky to be, Offenders just go to The Mines. It all makes even less sense that you're here too," he shook his head. "I'm still trying to figure it out."
"Maybe there is nothing to figure out, maybe he just doesn't know what he's doing."
"Maybe," Belfire nodded. "Still… If you're looking for a way out, Phoenix, I'd think it through first. Favourites don't have an easy life, but from what I've seen it's usually better than what's going on out there," he nodded towards the door. "You seem pretty smart, I'm sure you could make things work for you, probably better than Cassie has… I'd give it a try anyway, before you do anything else," he nodded his head back towards her hand. "I get it, I do, but every time someone dies in this place, I feel like they win."
Phoenix stared at him, seeing that steel, feeling it too. "I don't plan on dying," she said, but she did not expect him to smile, a bright, easy smile, and he nodded. "You've met others like me?" she asked.
"I've seen them, I haven't met them," he shook his head. "You don't talk to a Favourite, Phoenix, you don't talk to a Master either, not unless you have to."
She wanted to know which faces he'd seen, their names and where he'd seen them last, but how could he tell her and how would she know where they were in this place. She shook her head, her eyes falling to stare at her wrist and that armband around it. If she was right about that light, she might just have found her way out, and now she had just found someone who knew his way around and had seen some of her people before. She had to stop herself from smiling then, a big, wide smile that would give her plan away.