Family is everything, so they say
Let's not go all dark and dreary just yet. Let's talk about me. Cool... cool, I have a few friends who didn't shun me or turn their backs on me. Friends whom I adore. They are there for me, and sometimes I reluctantly share my visions with them, not all but some. Just enough to help me work through them a little. Even though I promised myself that after everything happened, I would never tell another person. And I didn't for a long time. But after years of holding it all in, I learned that need to get it out, or it just weighed too heavily on me and affected my day-to-day life. One thing that still reins true and always will... I never share visions of my friends or their lives with them. That is a can of worms I never want to open.
Of course, I also have the siblings who act like I don't exist. Honestly, I'm ok with it. Since we were younger, my brother and sister Lee and Brittany have been, for lack of a better word, assholes to me to the umpteenth power. And as much as I hate it, I know why they do it. They aren't treated as I've been for the last seven years. So, I do my best to avoid them as much as possible. I love them and understand that our mother's urging them to distance themselves from their crazy sister was also a big part of it as well. As strong as I am and portray myself to be, that hurt the most. We were close before the incident when I was nine, but I got it with the pack and our mother. I wouldn't say I like it, and I sometimes hate them because of it, but I get it.
My home life is closer to a Cinderella Story than anything now. Vivianne, who at one point growing up I called her mom, became everything but. After learning how I came into her care through one of my visions, I stopped calling her mom because she didn't act or feel like one to me. And my vision confirmed it. I was brought to her and told that I was family and she was to provide and care for me because my parents couldn't any longer. I came to her with the financial means for her to care for me in the form of a trust and was accepted into the pack. The details beyond that are nonexistent. As she claims she doesn't know who my parents are, but after my vision, I know she is lying to me and that she did, in fact, know.
After that, the vision showed me who Vivianne was. Although the details were a bit sketchy, she was and is still sketchy when I asked her questions. The confrontation between her and me when I was 11 solidified my understanding of who my mother was and always will be to me. She enjoys wherever the money comes from far more than caring what her lying is doing to me. She won't stop. She continues on her path of lies now as she did then. She brushed me off, telling me I was her child, and that was the end. But, the more she says it, I can see in her eyes that she is finding it hard convincing herself of that lie the longer she tells it.
I decided that I would not stop until I found out the truth. No matter how much I try to access that part of my past or gain more detail from the visions of how I came to live with my Vivianne. Something seems to be blocking me.
When I had the vision of my birth. The woman who gave birth to me, It sure as banana cream pudding, not Vivianne.
I remember one part of the vision vividly, which is rare. I remember the woman laying in a hospital bed, strongly resembling my mother. I can safely say she was or is Vivianne's sister or a close relative. Other than the vision, I have never heard about her or seen pictures of her. But, my gut tells me I'm right in my thinking. I don't understand that she was just erased after I was born. My mother, Vivian's relative, had just vanished. I've looked and asked but got nothing and nowhere. Vivian was on to me a long time ago and refused to acknowledge my knowledge of her not being my biological mother and my dad not being my biological dad.
Vivian met her mate Phillip Masters when I was only a few months old, which I found out when they talked one night. It's an unwritten rule no one discusses timelines or whatever with outsiders. So, I didn't understand why they were talking about it. But whatever. I don't understand them at all. According to Vivian, she didn't want people to think poorly of her. So they came up with a story they met but were reunited with months later due to miscommunication. I scoff at the. We are wolves. And being wolves, we don't miscommunicate like humans do when you find your mate, you know, and you never want to let them out of your site, especially in the early days. So I find it odd that no one seems to question that, seeing as Vivian was off at college at the time.
My dad, Philip, isn't an asshole. He simply ignores me. I guess it's because we don't share a natural bond a father would have with his pup. I am more like a long-term visitor to him. I'm more of a burden than anything. I accept that and have gotten used to it. He has tried in the past. I think he kind of felt bad after seeing how everyone else treats me. But that never lasts long. I try and put him out of his misery and remove myself from the situation. Because the reality is none of this is on him, he didn't decide to take me in. He had no choice. We don't get to choose our mates or run away from their baggage. Well, that is not entirely true, you can reject your mate, but that is said to be painful and sometimes deadly. But, Philip is not like my mom; he has a heart and cares even if his mind doesn't agree with his heart. He doesn't know what to do with it, so he ignores me. It's easier.
My mom loves to compare me to her other kids, my siblings, which is a joke. Of course, we aren't alike. We are connected the way she claims we are, which doesn't stop her and her endless nagging. It's always Kira. Why can't you be popular like Brittany? or Kira, Why can't you be athletic like Lee? Uh, first of all, I could be if you didn't tell everyone I was a freak. She acts as if she didn't, which I know she did, in fact, do. Anything to make people feel bad for poor Vivianne, the she-wolf who has to deal with such a troubled child. I think she gets off on it... the sympathy, praise for sticking it out and being such a good mom. I ignore her criticism of me because what's the use in arguing with someone who only likes to hear the sound of their own voice. She doesn't want me to be better than them. She has nothing else to complain to and at me about. And I just let her. Because again, what would be the point in arguing?
I float around to help out and stay out of everyone's way. I'm 16 today. In two years, I'll be headed off to college and starting my life on my own or mated. It can go either way. I won't leave the pack for good. I can't. What I do know is a fact. Something inside me knows I need to stay here. Because that vision I had as a child comes back and reminds me of what I know. And I know death and destruction when I see it.
Since we are a considerable pack, one of the largest in the continental United States, there are about 5,000 wolves. We have a whole county of several towns dedicated to our pack, and yes, there are humans among us. Fortunately, our schools are considered prestigious, so we are separated in that way, but otherwise, we mingle and interact with humans daily. Seeing my family once I'm out will be slim to none when I graduate. And that is what I hold onto. That is what gets me through the days. Depressing maybe. But I'd rather be alone than living this way. Always on edge dealing with people who claim to love me but clearly don't like me. I will leave this house and these people and be at peace and free. This family will not be a blip on my radar. Because let's be honest, isn't that every outcast high school girl's dream? To leave home and discover one true potential.
Yes... yes it, it's.