Sena looked at Sankara meaningfully.
"Even our shadows will leave when it's dark, right? I learned not to expect anything from humans. Because when we have put our hopes, and they are destroyed, then later our lives will be completely destroyed and we will finally have to try to live our lives alone," said Sena, who looked back at the wild grass in front of them.
Sankara did not know what to respond. His mouth seemed to be locked. He could not deny that he felt guilty for having spoken regretfully to Sena. I don't know, the man felt that Sena was not as bad as he and the people thought. In fact, he didn't think that the girl who grinned every day could talk seriously.
"Don't you like Atthera? Yeah, that shouldn't be a question, because it's a fact."
The two of them stared at each other with a look in their eyes that could be interpreted. Sankara was confused and curious. Why could Sena so easily guess his feelings for Atthera? Or was it that the love he harbored was very obvious to people?
"I'm not forbidding you to fall in love with anyone, San," Sena hung up his words. She thought about whether to continue her sentence or should she keep it to herself?
"Just don't force someone to love you, even if you love them very much." unfortunately, Sena chose to continue her words.
"You're so smart, you idiot. What do you know about my feelings? Also, you're not really talking seriously. You're usually busy grinning and smoking," Sankara quipped, which was arguably just his alibi to divert the topic.
Damn. The serious version of Sena in adult mode made her want to disappear from the earth. Because every sentence that came out of the girl's mouth, was able to hypnotize her.
But inevitably, Sena was still comfortable with this topic of falling in love, feelings, and feelings. Well, Sankara will be a good listener.
"Atthera is the luckiest girl I've ever met. She has a family that's probably complete, a boyfriend that's a complete package," her eyes glanced at Sankara, "She has a best friend who loves her, and she's in love again! What a cool life tsk tsk tsk." Sena clapped his hands together. Sena knew Sankara would interrupt, so she continued her sentence.
"But unfortunately, he's not that lucky. Living in pretense. Doesn't it get tiring?" she whimpered in horror.
It must be very tiring to be required to live a life with a very different personality.
"She does that because she doesn't want to feel lost, Sena. Are you-"
"You don't think I'm human, do you, San? Are you telling me that I've never experienced loss?" Sena smiled sadly, "I've experienced it all, including falling in love. As trashy as I am, I'm still a human being Sankara," he said right in Sankara's face.
"Even out of all the losses, the one I'm looking for the most is myself."
He wasn't angry that Sankara wanted to defend Atthera. Sena just didn't like it when he was perceived as if he had never felt something that was common to humans in general.
"Not everything that looks fine, is fine. Not everyone who laughs and smiles is happy. They are just trying to be okay, because if they openly show it, the world will oppress their lives even more."
Ansena said firmly.
"Including you?"
"I'm not saying I'm one of them. I just don't like it when people always look down on others," she explained. Sena herself didn't know why she was getting emotional now.
"Sen- I didn't mean that," Sankara stammered.
She had been prepared for Sena to get angry or to make her an impromptu punching bag. But what he got was the girl laughing out loud. As if what she said was just a joke. Sankara really didn't understand Sena.
"Hahaha I'm too serious, huh? Sorry San. But it's true. The older you get, the more you just let it flow and let people go. There's no need to pretend to be nice in order to keep people around. I also don't need to wear a mask to be accepted. That's how simple life is, you don't have to mess around with people who can't accept you."
If he could have said that directly to Atthera, he would have.
Sena opened her voice again. Occasionally she tucked the hair in her ear, "Now what I'm looking for is calm. I don't want to get into complicated matters anymore. I'm no longer interested in obscure life dramas. It's enough to be simple and not pretend too much." she looked down, looking at her worn-out shoes.
"But unfortunately, I'm about to get into something complicated again," she whispered.
"Do you have a problem, Sen?" asked Sankara curiously, coupled with Sena's head shake.
"Not a problem."
"Then?"
"The feeling thing HAHAHA," she laughed instantly. Sankara wanted to be annoyed, but he couldn't hide his smile anymore.
"Oh so what you're saying is that you're in love, huh?" Sena nodded enthusiastically.
Sena glared sarcastically when Sankara said, "Must be your taste, Sen? That's why it's so hard for you to fall in love."
Plak
"Arbitrary! If physicality is used as a standard, you won't find it until the end of time because there must be more and more. I'm looking for someone whose sincerity never wanes. The caring never dies," she explained wholeheartedly.
"But?"
"But, I am those who love but other people just say, 'yes if he doesn't want to be with you, why do you want to force him?' Even though this is not about being together. It's about feelings that want to be considered as existing. It's not like a fallen leaf that falls, and is just forgotten." Sankara's face gaped in amazement. Crazy! Why did Sena's language suddenly become poetic?
"What book did you just read, Sen?" he put on a serious face, which was met with a scoff from Sena.
"People are in love too, they're being teased. What a jerk you are!" she scoffed. But no doubt she smiled to herself.
"Ciee her cheeks are red cie," Sankara tweaked her cheeks which made Sena blush even more.
"You're in love yourself, you idiot!"
"But with someone else's girlfriend hahaha."
"Why don't you try messaging me, San? You can fake anything to anyone. But you can't fake anything to yourself." unexpectedly, Sena's hand touched Sankara's heart, "Feelings are real and valid, Sankara. The more you lie to yourself, the more those feelings will haunt you."
Please everyone, believe me if Sena is still unwilling if someday Atthera can accept Sankara as more than a friend. But on the other hand, he also didn't want someone who was in love but chose to keep it a secret. Yes, like herself.
"It's not that easy, Sena. I don't want to lose my best friend and the person I love if he finds out about my damn feelings," said Sankara, who was finally able to reply to Sena's sentence.
"What about the feelings you have for the guy you like?"
Sena shrugged, "I think I'll just stop. Because I know that I can't be loved."
"Why?"
Sena cleared her throat. Her heart was now beating twice as fast.
"Sankara. It's like I'm just one of many people. Just one among many flavors."
"But that's okay. Because not everything should always be ours, right?"
Even though it's hard to say, Sena is still Sena. He would always be honest with his own feelings.
"Including you."