At that moment I felt suffocated for some reason, I couldn't breathe like I wished to, it is so cramped, the distance of the space was too much, and I felt my air passage was not properly ventilating. I take a deep breath to calm myself and try to change the subject to distract myself.
Zoe: "Why would you be bothered", the way she speaks, there's a faint shed of a tremble, however, it's not discernible enough to get caught.
"Neither I can't determine the reason. Maybe just because of anxiety. I don't know" He responded as he finished buckling his and my seatbelt. We drove off to the streets on my way home. The car was only filled with the car noise it produced and the sound that can be heard but inaudible at the same time. I just stare out the window and I felt drowsy.
"Do you want to open the window?" he said.
"No, I'm fine. The dust might dirty the car. I can't just do what I want in someone's belonging"
"I wouldn't mind. It's my order to do so. Look at the scenery right there. Open the window so you can see it clearly.", puzzled, the moment I decided to obey so, the moment I don't want the clock to work. I was mesmerized and bewitched by the view. I couldn't help but let out a smile. The moon list and the ocean beneath light are like a path to an abyss. So broad and so captivating. The way both of them complement each other from the sky to the ocean. Seems like the blue painted my whole, gradually engraving my soul. Another new, but rather pleasant feeling surge. Like a flow of the river. Perhaps, this is only momentary, but I want to embrace and capture what I see. I didn't know such a thing exist and I'll witness it.
"Should we take a stop here?" he said. Looking at Zoe's expression you wouldn't miss the volume of the way her eyes shone. She wanted some time to picture the moment. Even though she can go back whenever she wants. She insists that this moment wouldn't be compared to the times she may have sawed the scenery again. Knowing the guy, she could take her there whenever she wished.
"The force of attraction was greater, I didn't see that coming", he added seeing her willingness and the way she smiles and nod to him. Cute. Whether it's due to the way she acts at the given moment or her as a whole, it's uncertain.
They drove the car aside and look at the ocean. Standing on the bridge amidst the cold breeze and dimmed place. Eerie it may seem, but the light of the moon serves as a torch.
"Hey...", I admit to being startled a bit knowing she initiates a conversation. Staring off towards the scenery. It is not odd but rather new. I felt quite relieved, I'm gradually crushing up the barrier of her distant demeanor towards others that she carved in her personality.
Theo: "Why", I replied as I stare at her, pressed down her arms, laying on the steel bar-made bridge for sure it's cold. Good thing, at the very least she wore a long sleeve.
"Mind handing me a pair of cigarettes? One would suffice if you insist. Back there, I saw a pack in your car. ", It surprised me she request such a thing, who knew this woman would demand a piece of cigarette to smoke on this chilly night? I wouldn't disagree that it'll be a great pair beside a coffee, or listening to music or just listening to the sound of waves. I am torn about whether to take her request down or give her a chance to smoke in her heart's will.
Theo: "Do you smoke?", I need time to assess and judge, even for this simple matter, we're talking about health right here.
Zoe: "You're being cautious, does it matter?" she laughs and closes her eyes. A warm expression.
"It does, it would be my fault for handing you out your first experience. I influenced you. How can I offer it when you haven't even tried it", I replied.
"Then should I try it right now?"
"Fool. I already told you didn't I? Persistent.", I walk towards the car to grab the matches and cigarette left.
"Beating around the bush", she muttered.
I clearly hear it and waved my hands.
Theo: "Found it", and slammed the car door.
He shake the pack while walking towards her and playfully said; "Only one pair left. My bad, I wouldn't be able to give you one. This is mine". While arriving near in front of her he places his palm on her head, patting it; "Don't sulk for a mere cigarette", taking his hand off and lighting the cigarette.
Zoe: "At least let me light it for you." Seriously, what an unpredictable move she had done. Anyhow, it's not like I could refuse.
"Do as you please", she lights up the match and stares at her, reflecting the light into her eyes, and seeing her face up close brings me a feeling I had never felt before which leaves me in a state of baffled. Fighting the urge while it suppresses.
Zoe: 'There..."
Taking a cigarette in the middle of the night is what I commonly do to clear my thoughts, be laid back, and felt at ease. But this time it's another way around, my heart keeps on pounding, I felt warm only for a minute I take it. I felt more pressure instead of ease.
I take out my cigarette and offer it to her, I doubt she'll refuse because it's already used but she took it nonchalantly. It doesn't look like she's just a beginner using a cigarette.
She was taking pictures too, and the purpose was evident in her action even so I still ask her; "What's the point of taking a picture of it right now, I could provide you a hard copy image of that(referring to polaroids)."
Zoe: "Don't bother. I can have a hard copy too."
Theo: "How's so," he asks and tilts his head.
Zoe: "I can turn it into an artwork. I can paint", hearing those words Theo can't help but be amazed, it struck him, he can personally know things about her, and even so, for a short amount of information, it made him happy. As he widened his gaze, he smiled and said; "Send me the result.". He can't doubt her nor does he have an intention to mistake her.
"If I'm motivated to do so", said she and smirked.
After she smoke, we get in the car and drive her home, she said to drop her off 1m from her house if I don't want to hear ear-piercing noises. I find it strange but it is what she wanted. And the moment I spend time with her is the time I could feel a day could turn into years without knowing. I am fond of it and began to develop of keeping her accompany within my sight, having to hold her was an option if she considered it. I'm having kinds of stuff in my head again that for some reason, makes me reluctant in the terms of whether I am mistaken for what I had, or just inclined to deceive myself that I felt lousy.